New Adventures in Gravity Falls
by Psycho76
Summary: Dipper inherits (half of) the Mystery Shack, and returns from his travels abroad to live in the town that changed his life.
1. Homecoming

**Author's note: I changed the ending of chapter two. The story got longer, and I didn't want to wrap that bit up quite yet. Hopefully, I don't do that again, but no promises. I'll let you know here if I do though.**

 **Oh, and I don't own Gravity Falls. In case you were wondering.**

* * *

The fries weren't that good. Really, she just came by to hang out with Mabel, who occasionally felt like the only genuine person in town. Or at least, the only person who was genuine when speaking to Pacifica Northwest. The name was spoken in someone else's voice in her head- like she was being announced to a crowd of adoring sycophants. She hated that sometimes, being rich had its perks, sure, lots of perks actually, but it made her feel isolated from most people. Not Mabel, Mabel would always be Mabel, to the Queen, to Marius' Mother and extended family, and hilariously, to Pacifica's own parents. At the memory of her Mother's face when Mabel bounded in to her for a hug, Pacifca had to giggle.

'Whatcha laughin' at, sweetcheeks?' Mabel had returned with a refill on her milkshake.

'Just reminiscing on some good times... So, what's the deal with your brother, he's coming back? For an extended stay?'

'Yeah, maybe for good. He own's half the shack now, y'know? And I think he's a little burned out from traveling. It sounds like, after Ford passed, he really threw himself at his work, hard. Was more reckless. He got pretty hurt a couple times in the last years abroad...'

Mabel trailed off in to silence.

'Well, he's coming back, right? I'm sure you can keep him distracted and out of trouble.'

'Yeah, if anyone can distract him, it's me.' Mabel set her face in grim determination.

'We have met the enemy, and his name is DIPPER! We shall defeat him with our superior DISTRACTING SKILLS! We will fight him on the BEACHES! On the STREE-'

'MABEL! These plates don't carry themselves!' Rang from the kitchen.

'Sorry Johnny! You know how it goes, Paxxy Darling, back to the grind.' Mabel, then in imitation of a robot, creaked first her head, then her body around towards the kitchen, and mechanically marched off to continue her work.

'Beep Boop! Mabeltron must be working constantly! It is the prime directive!'

So Dipper would be returning to Gravity Falls. It'd been years since Pacifica had seen him, he'd left for parts unknown soon after completing High School. To be fair, he'd completed his Associates Degree while in High School, and somehow managed to finish his Bachelors while on the road. Ford mentioned his travels a few times, saying that he'd gone off to study with masters that they had picked out together, and to have a few adventures in his youth. This seemed to work out well while Ford was alive, but afterwards...

It was starting to rain, the last gasps of Winter, she supposed. It would be nice to go to the lake again. She watched a motorcycle pull in to the parking lot, and idly thought that it must suck to ride in the rain. She sipped her milkshake. Mabel always made them just right, was it extra strawberries? Is that how she got that flavor? That color? Hmm...

The bell at the door clanged, and Pacifica, distracted from her momentary reverie, snapped her head up at the same moment that Mabel vaulted over the bar, screaming

'DIPPER!'

There he was. Tall, scruffy, with that same ridiculous mop of hair. He was carrying saddle bags on his shoulder, and what looked like... maybe an umbrella? He wore old, faded jeans, with patches in the knees, a tee shirt, stretched tight across his chest and shoulders, and a worn, leather biking jacket. Pacifica's heart rate started to rise, no, let's not think about those broad shoulders. His eyes were... sad, and he was scowling as he looked around the diner, as though suspicious of the patrons. He was looking in the wrong place though, as the only attack came in the form of Mabel, who sprinted down the diner and leaped on Dipper like an excited dog or small child. Dipper staggered under the impact, and for the first time since arriving, smiled. The ice in his demeanor melted, it was like the sun coming out and-

Pacifica once again felt her heart rate rising, and a blush creeping up her neck to stain her cheeks pink.

'I have got to get out of here.'

* * *

Quietly panicking, Pacifica grabbed her purse and bolted out the other door.

'Dipper! Ohmygosh! I'm so glad you're home! PACIFICA! Look it's... Pacifica? Well no matter, you can sit here, I'm sure Pacifica won't mind if you steal some of her fries.'

Mabel plopped Dipper down in Pacifica's booth.

'What can I getcha, sweety?' Mabel, doing her best to be the good hostess.

'Ummm, water... would be nice' Dipper mumbled.

'COMIN' RIGHT UP!' Mabel bellowed in his face, eliciting a look of shock, but not much else.

Upon returning with the water, Mabel sat down opposite Dipper, and stared for a moment, seemingly memorizing his face. Her gaze stopped momentarily on the scars next to his right eye, small, but new. She spent a couple moments looking at the translucent blue crystal point hanging from his necklace, and finally made eye contact with him.

'Where'd you fly in to? You got in late.'

'Portland, I-'

'You road your motorcycle from PORTLAND? To HERE? Why didn't you call? That's a long ride, especially in the dark.'

'It wasn't that bad, my bike is fast.'

Mabel looked at once concerned and indignant, a face which caused Dipper to laugh. A small laugh, one that seemed out of place, but real none-the-less.

'I guess Pacifica split, you want to hang out here 'til I finish my shift? Or head back to the shack?'

'I don't think I want to be in the shack by myself right now.'

'Okay, but I don't get off until-'

'MABEL!'

'WHAT?!'

'Take your brother home, you've got the night off.'

'Thanks, Johnny. I'll be right back, okay? Just got to cash out and stuff.'

Dipper nodded, and Mabel skipped off to finish some quick sidework, and cash out. Looking around the room, it seemed the same as it had always been, the diner where they had so many meals with Ley and Ford- victory meals, meals in silent defeat, late night milkshakes after particularly harrowing adventures. It was a sanctuary, of sorts. A place of peace, but Dipper couldn't help but feel lost here, without his Grunkles. To miss both their deaths...

'What's with your weird umbrella, anyway?'

'Huh? Oh, it's a sword.'

* * *

Dipper didn't sleep much that night. Mabel insisted they sleep in their old Attic room (converted to a sort of guest room) and conked out almost as soon as she hit the pillow. But Dipper lay awake, unable to shake the guilt and longing that hit him like a sucker punch upon entering the shack. Too many memories. Good ones, mostly, but near the end... he hadn't been there for them, for the people who had been there for him, more than anyone except Mabel, the Grunkle Twins... they understood him and Mabel like no one else did. Were there for them in the worst moments, and-

Dipper sat up. He was never going to get to sleep like this.

Quietly, he changed in to baggy exercise pants, put on some sneakers, and quietly left the room. Out of habit, he grabbed his sword, and tip toed down the stairs and out the door.

The night was still, with enough mist to create a halo around the street lights as Dipper jogged up the drive toward the main road. It was nice to be moving, and equally nice to have such quiet. Between the planes and people, and downtown Kolkata... ugh. He needed the quiet.

Dipper jogged down through town to the city park. It made for a nice stretch of the legs, and a decent warm up. Dipper did a few stretches, and then unsheathed his sword, stepping in to a slow, fluid form. In his concentration, the world, and all it's cares, slipped away. His mind was blank. Each low stance, each flash of the sword, were part of a world that Dipper's mind was disengaged from. The void was comforting, a meditative trance that served as a reset for his brain. Cooldown time for the machine that ran constantly.

Dipper worked his way through a few forms, then carefully returned the sword to its sheath and jogged home.

The morning found Dipper passed out on the couch.

'At least he took his shoes off' Mabel muttered on her way to the kitchen.

Soon the smell of coffee and food had Dipper's nose twitching, and gradually pulled him from the depths of his sleep.

'Mmmm, that smells... smells *YAWNS* That smells good. Mabel! What are you making in there, you keeper of delicious smells?'

'BACON PANCAKES, MAKIN' BACON PANCAKES!'

'I- that sounds like a-'

'TAKE SOME BACON AND YA PUT IT IN A PANCAKE!'

'Mabel, I think I get the ide-'

'BACON PANCAAAAAKES!'

Dipper wanders in to the kitchen, drawn by the smells of food, pours himself a cup of coffee and leans against the sink.

'Morning sleepyhead! You bust any ghosts last night?'

'No I just... I needed some fresh air. Went for a run'

'Mmmmm, sounds nice. Blueberries?' Mabel offers from a bowl on the counter. 'Grenda and Candy are coming by later for Mimosas and gossip, you're welcome to hang out with us but-'

'Thanks, but yeah, probly gonna pass on that one.'

'Well you just relax and let me know if you need anything.'

'Thanks sis.'

Soon after breakfast was completed, there was a loud banging at the door, followed by the sound of said door slamming open.

'MABEL! WE HAVE COME TO PARTY!'

'WOOT!' Mabel cried, throwing the sponge she was using to wash dishes at Dipper's face.

'C'mere you guys! Dipper's back!'

With Grenda and Candy in tow, Mabel returned to the kitchen. Grenda was still tall, and solidly built, though clearly in excellent shape. Dipper wondered idly if she practiced martial arts. He noticed the rather large diamond on her finger as well, and thought that things must be working out well with her and Marius. Candy had grown as well, slender and beautiful, she had her hair cut short and-

'Well HELLO you beautiful piece of man-meat!' Grenda picked him up in a bone-crushing embrace 'It's good to see you again, though you should probably take a shower.'

Dipper blushed scarlet and mumbled something about 'sleeping' and 'running', trying to shuffle around the three ladies.

'You do look great, Dipper, how was your trip?' Candy wasn't blushing this time. Perhaps she was over her infatuation with him. Dipper wondered if he was happy about that or not.

'Uh, it was... it was long? I'm gonna go take that shower.' Dipper side-stepped carefully around the three friends and sprinted the rest of the way to the shower, taking the stairs three at a time.

'Well, it's definitely the same Dipper.' Grenda remarked with a smile.

'Let's break out that Champagne! I brought party glasses!' Candy yelled excitedly, pulling star-shaped sunglasses with silly straws from her purse.

'You DOLL!' Mabel cooed, in a fair imitation of Pacifica's mother, 'These are MARVELOUS! Now let's BREAK OUT THE BOOZE!'

* * *

When Dipper finished his shower, his sister and company were lounging on the back porch with mimosas, which when offered, Dipper politely refused. Looking out at the yard, he saw a slightly overgrown garden set-up, and a few new trees, which looked to be some sort of Orchard trees. He wandered around the yard a little and then slowly made his way in to the forest.

Despite the years of absence, the forest seemed no smaller than it had when he was last there. Just as daunting. This fear, this excitement, was familiar to him though. Like a favorite roller coaster. He knew now, mostly, what to expect from its dark recesses, and set out to refamiliarize himself with the woods, and make his presence known again.

By late afternoon, Dipper had accomplished some of what he had hoped in the woods. It seemed as though there was little that wanted to be found today, and Dipper didn't see anything without having to sneak up on it. Mabel left a note on the fridge about how Grenda had taken her and Candy to a movie which featured some of Marius' products, and that she'd be home later. The shack was quiet. In that moment, the memories of noise and family came crashing down on him, burying him in a wave of nostalgia. Even the toughest moments in their times together were made simpler by the presence of Ley and Ford. Dipper sank to his knees. Leaning against the fridge he could hear the sound of the older twins bickering over the making of breakfast. The sound of comforting words over late night coffees while he and Mabel licked their wounds after a botched 'mission'. The triumphant meals shared after glorious victory.

He had to get out.

Dipper ran out the front, grabbing his keys and slamming the door in one thoughtless motion. Kicking his bike in to action he raced down the drive and on to the main road. He bypassed the town on his way to the little white church. The one Ford occasionally insisted they go to. Dropping his bike in the grass, he struggled up the path. There, in the church yard side by side were the two stones he had feared seeing for so long. His family, laid to rest.

'Hey guys, I'm back.'


	2. Ain't afraid o' No Ghostus

Dipper couldn't sleep.

This, in and of itself, was nothing new. Even that he was silently working on a new project was nothing new, but never before had Dipper thought about doing something so reckless. He knew it was reckless, but he wanted closure. Needed it. And this is what a genius does, right? They challenge the limits of what's possible, they push their luck and defy the accepted model.

Dipper was going to raise the dead.

In the two weeks since arriving, Dipper had cleaned out Ford's old workshop, and begun work on his new project. It hadn't taken him long to realize that this was the best course of action; he needed closure, personally, but to be able to speak to someone with a scientific mind from beyond the grave- the potential knowledge that could be gained from such a breakthrough. There were risks, of course, but there always risks, and if Dipper didn't bring Mabel in to his project it was as much because he was concerned for her safety as anything else.

* * *

Mabel was late getting out of the diner. A sudden and intense rain had kept a few tables ordering coffee well beyond the time she was cut, but when duty calls, Mabel answers! At least the rain had stopped, she hated riding her scooter in the rain.

Hoping Dipper would be asleep, she quietly opened the front door, and was disappointed to see that the kitchen lights were on, as was the little TV.

'Dipper, it's like, 2 AM, don't you ever sleep?'

Arriving in the kitchen, she threw her jacket on the still form of dipper, slumped over the kitchen table.

'Hey you, I'm talking! This is no place to sleep, you're gonna flatten your-'

It was then that Mabel noticed the nearly empty bottle of Scotch on the seat next to dipper, and the death grip he had on the empty glass in his hand. Mabel sighed loudly and sat down, realizing that there was little point in continuing to scold him.

'This is why you should have gone to college. You learn pretty quick that this stuff makes problems worse, not better... but at least you're not drunk dialing your ex.' Mabel sighed again. 'Good times.'

Pushing her chair back, Mabel decided there was little she could do for him at the moment, except make him comfortable for the inevitable hangover. She arranged her jacket as a sort of blanket, dumped what was left of the Scotch down the sink and recycled the bottle, and grabbed two Gatorades, a water bottle, and two aspirin tablets across the table from Dipper. Then she turned off the TV, and before turning off the lights, whispered 'Good night Dipping Sauce, sweet dreams.'

* * *

Dipper woke up with a blinding headache. Ahh but that poison tastes so sweet, he thought ruefully. Making a mental note to thank Mabel for her gift of Gatorade and aspirin, Dipper powered through first one bottle, then the second before taking the aspirin.

At first he thought that Mabel must still be asleep, what with the sun not completely up over the trees yet, but soon he heard singing coming from the direction of the garden, followed by the door blasting open and much louder singing.

'OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MOOORNIIIIING! OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY!'

'Mabel, is that truly neces-'

'I'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL FEEEEEEEELIIIIING, EVERYTHING'S GOING MY WAY!'

'MABEL. Pounding Headache.'

'You only have yourself to blame, dipping into that sauce so deep, so just be thankful I'm making you breakfast, again.'

'Thank you, Mabel.'

'I know you're hard at work down in Ford's old workshop, but you're gonna have to start pulling your own weight for real soon. We may own this place outright, but we've still gotta pay gas and electric, especially with those crazy experiments you're doing down there... I hope you're not getting in to anything you shouldn't be...?'

'No MOM, I'm not doing anything dangerous. I'm not stupid.'

'I'll believe that when you stop collecting facial scars.'

Breakfast consisted of eggs and hash browns, much coming from Mabel's own garden.

'I'm thinking of getting chickens.'

'That could be useful... I'm surprised I haven't seen more animals around here already. What happened to your love of pets?'

'Oh, I do have pets. Some are on loan to local schools, and then Timmy and Tabby are... around somewhere. They're really shy.'

'Nothing dangerous, right?'

'Just cats and rabbits at the moment, but I was thinking about getting one of those dinosaurs... maybe one we could ride?'

'Haha.'

* * *

It was almost time. If Dipper's calculations were correct, and everything went as planned, he'd be speaking to Ford within the hour. The method would take some practice to gain a mastery over, but he had confidence in his abilities. Some of that confidence may have been in liquid, the open bottle of Scotch on the desk a testament to this.

'Ooookay. I can do this.' Dipper murmured, lighting the candles from the taper. Ten candles, marking the points on odd star, drawn out in chalk on the concrete floor of Ford's lab. Strange symbols written around it in a circle, and inside the various points seemed to glow in the dim light. Extinguishing the taper with his fingertips, Dipper set it down next to the open bottle, only to take another quick sip.

'For luck.'

Pulling the satchel of salt from his pocket, he poured it in a rough circle around his feet and then began his short incantation.

'Energy for the gate,' Dipper said, cutting his open and dripping blood into the circle.

'Show me the spirit of my Grunkle Ford!'

For a moment, nothing happened, and Dipper held is breath, then all at once the circle began to glow, and a vibration rolled across the room from the direction of the now defunct portal, and then again, there was silence.

Dipper let out his held breath, and then the lights flashed on. In his confusion, Dipper crouched in his circle, but knew better than to leave, especially after the other electronics began to activate, including the portal itself, glowing first blue, then red, then a strange brown/purple, and finally jet black. It was from this last portal that the Shadow came.

Globular at first, it floated out of the portal to hover over the summoning circle. Once reaching the center, it began to sink towards the floor, though it's perfect surface began to tremble, and then shake as though something inside it struggled for freedom. The lines of chalk began to glow, and the electronics began to hum.

A light bulb exploded. Then another. Suddenly the room was filled with the sounds of exploding glass and wild electricity, until the only light came from the candles and unearthly glow of the black portal.

The globe was still again, then it too, exploded into tiny motes, reflecting what little light was left in the room.

'No!' Dipper yelled, stepping partway out of his protective circle. The motes stopped in midair, and seemed to come together to form a... shape. Like a swarm of bees, they shot straight at Dipper, managing to graze his arm as he fell back in to his protective circle.

'Ouch! What the-' Where his arm had encountered the entity, his skins was crisscrossed with razor thin, but surprising deep cuts, which now began to bleed. Dipper looked up at the entity again, which now circled around his sanctuary like a wolf waiting on wounded prey to die.

* * *

'MAAAABEL! MABEL! MABEL YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!'

Dipper launched himself out of the secret passageway and up the stairs. A bandana tied to his forearm barely stemming the flow of blood which dripped down to his hand, mingling with that which came from the nearly closed wound on his palm.

'What? Dipper, what did you do? Why are you bleeding? YOU'RE GETTING BLOOD ON MY CARPET!'

'No time, Mabel, we have to get out of here, I tried to summon Grunkle Ford's ghost and-'

'You WHAT?! You IDIOT! Why would you do that? What if he doesn't want to be summoned? What if you summoned something else by mistake?'

'I uh, as a matter of fact, I uh, did. Hence the leaving. We need to get out of here NOW before it eats us or something.'

'EATS US? Is that what it did to your arm? YOU SUMMONED A MAN EATING GHOST?! God DAMN IT Dipper! Fuck. Okay. Bug out bag.'

Mabel scrambled around the room grabbing a carefully packed back pack and duffle from the corner by the door, her Scooter helmet, and a baseball bat engraved with symbols and wrapped in colorful ribbons with beautiful script.

'Let's go.'

'Okay, just, don't let it touch you, it's made of razor blade glitter, and it sort of floats... like a ghost or...'

'Like that?'

There, at the foot of the stairs sat the Entity, a small cloud of glittering death, it writhed in mid air much as the globe had. Suddenly, it froze, reoriented itself towards the stairs, and rushed up at the twins.

'BANZAI!' Mabel cried, eyes closed, swinging her bat back handed into the strange cloud.

The smacking noise echoed in the relative silence of the Shack, and the entity bounced off the wall, and down the stairs, before retreating further in to the house.

'Holy shit Mabel, what is that?'

'Ford helped me make it, it's got spells and runes and stuff. Mostly for ghosts, though it's supposed to do damage to anything that is particularly malicious.'

'Mind if I-'

'Not NOW Dipper, we still have to clean up your mess!'

'Right, right... right, of course. I don't suppose you have any holy water lying around?'

'Maybe? There's all kinds of stuff in Ford's old room, I haven't done much in there since-'

Dipper was already half way down the stairs, swinging around the last pole on the banister to careen down the hall, after the entity and deeper in to the house. Leaving her bags at the top of the stairs, Mabel leaped over the banister to land on all fours in front of the hall.

'Mabel SMASH.'

* * *

It had to be in there somewhere. Dipper frantically searched through the drawers and cabinets for something he could use. Opening a box, he almost fell backwards, stifling a curse, as the box burst open with spring-loaded confetti. An unearthly creak and groan followed by a rush of air into the room announced the presence of the entity at the door to the room.

'Augh!' Dipper shouted, grabbing a spelled dagger from off the wall and hurling it towards the door. The Entity seemed pinned to the wall, momentarily, before screeching down the hall again.

'Dipper! You have to be careful with this stuff- look! This knife starts fires! It's already burning the wood!'

'I'm sorry Mabel, I panicked.'

'I swear to GOD, Dipper, if that thing eats my cats-'

'I won't let it eat your cats. I- I found it!'

Triumphantly, Dipper held the thin flask above his head.

'Now, delivery. Squirt gun? No, not enough, space...' Dipper's eyes drifted to the confetti trap, and Mabel's followed. 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

'Let's show 'em how we do things down town!'

'HEY! GLITTER CLOUD! RUNNING SO SOON? YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF _ME_ ARE YOU?!'

Dipper shouted down the hall to complete silence.

'Mabel, I don't think taunts work on... whatever this is. Maybe we should try-'

Dipper cut short. There it was at the end of the hall, and though it had no eyes, Dipper felt as though it was staring at him.

'YOU! You worthless piece of slime! You're nothing but an unstable short chain molecule! You have a weak electro-chemical-'

The entity was hurtling down the hall.

'NOW MABEL! NOW!' Dipper cried, diving under the cloud.

Mabel kicked the spring loaded joke box into the hall and it bounced off one wall as the entity bounced off the other, the popping open to launch the flask up in to the center of the raging cloud of glitter, where it was promptly shredded, releasing the holy water.

With the sound of air being let out of a balloon, the glitter floated gently to the floor.

'WELL. Now that that's over with. What do you want to do with it?'

'Umm, salt seemed to keep it in one place, and I think Ford had a few rock salt bottles...'

Scrounging around in Ford's room again, Dipper returned with a small bottle made of crystaline salt, a piece of paper, and a whisk broom. He began sweeping the remnants on to the paper and funneling them in to the bottle.

'Mabel, I'm really sorry about this, I didn't-'

'Shh, Dipper, I get it. I miss them too, y'know? It wasn't easy living here after Ford... went. I did some crazy stuff too. You have to let it go, though, y'know? They're in a better place now.'

'I know, it's just, there's so much I never got to say. I just wish... I wish I had gotten here sooner.'

Tears welled up in the corner of Dipper's eyes, his face red and contorted.

'Oh Dipper,' Mabel sighed, walking over grip his shoulders. He looked so like a child.

'It's part of life, bro-bro. I know it's hard, but try to think about all the good times we spent with them. Celebrate the time we spent with them. They wouldn't want you to hurt yourself on their account.'

'I should have been here.' Tears streamed down his face.

Mabel held him.

'It's gonna be alright, Dipper.'


	3. The Fan Club

'Dipper, you need to get a job.'

Dipper looked up from munching on his toast, mouth slightly open, crumbs tumbling down his chin.

'Ah needa whutnow?'

'Ugh, Dipper, this is why you don't have a girlfriend! Chew your food, swallow your food, then talk. You need a job.'

'Ah don wanna- *swallows* I don't want or need a girlfriend. Anyways, who are you to talk Miss 'Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle'. I don't see you terribly concerned what people will think of knitting scarves from cat hair.'

'That is a purrfectly legitimate business model! And cat hair is soft!'

'You didn't just-'

'PUUURRRRRRFECTLY Legitimate. Plus, people buy my cat scarves, and you're still freeloafing my toast!'

'Alright! Alright. What would I even do? I'm not nice enough to work at the diner, I don't even-'

'I've already enquired at the High School and College in town- The High School is-'

'There is no way I'm teaching High School kids.'

'Well, the college could use another person to teach prereqs like Anthropology and Comparative Philosophy type stuff, that's up your alley, right? Also, Soos runs the shop classes down there, so there's that.'

'Oh, well, um, thank you?'

'You're welcome. Now go get dressed, they're expecting you to drop by around 10.'

'I- wait, wha-'

'Go on! Go get dressed!'

Mabel shooed him out of his seat, and out of the kitchen... then sat down to munch on his toast.

'Alpha twin!'

* * *

'Stupid tie. Why do I have to wear a tie?!'

'You're trying to impress them! Imagine you're asking for money for a field project!'

'I- Okay, yeah, that makes sense.'

Dipper finished tying his tie, and walked out of the bathroom.

'How do I look?' Spreading his arms and doing a little twirl.

'Like a ballerina. Now put your jacket on and go. You can take the Jeep, don't want you getting mud on those pants, now do we?'

'Yeah, sure, whatever.'

Grabbing a light coat, Dipper walked out the door. Black slacks, white shirt, he was surprised they still fit right, considering how long it'd been since the last time he wore any of them. When had that been? The tie and coat had been Ford's, and it felt comforting to wear them.

Dipper walked around the side of the Shack to where Mabel kept the Jeep- an old, green Grand Cherokee, which Mabel and Soos had jacked up a little for mudding and adventures. It was currently coated in mud. The inside was clean though, and he could see out all the windows.

'God, I hope it rains.'

* * *

The drive in to town was uneventful. The morning was cool, but the sky was clear so there was some traffic getting to the school, and a number of kids were lounging in the various green spaces around campus. Dipper parked in a spot marked 'Guest' and proceeded to head towards some buildings that looked vaguely administrative.

'Uh, Sir, you can't park there.'

Dipper whipped around to see a kid with a note pad and a hat marked 'Parking Authority' standing next to the Jeep.

'What do you mean, I can't park here, it's marked guest, and I'm clearly a guest.'

'Uh, well, no, y'see-'

'What? Do you think I'm a student? I'm here to see about a teaching position.'

'Yeah, but you need a guest pass, y'see Guest spots are reserved for people who have appointments and received an official parking pass, and you-'

'I do have an appointment, and I'm gonna be late if I keep talking to you, and later if I have to go get a pass, and if I get this job, so help me, you better pray you don't end up in one of my classes.'

The parking attendant looked around nervously.

'Uhh sir, I really think-'

'Dudes!'

'Mr. Soos! Oh thank you! Can you explain to this gentleman about the parking, he doesn't seem to appreciate the part about the guest pass.'

Placing his hand on the young man's shoulder, Soos assured the parking attendant 'No worries Dude, I got this.' Looking up at Dipper Soos laughs. 'Dude, with that face, you look like Mr. Pines.'

'What! I- Actually, I probably do. That got me pretty steamed. I'm here for a job interview.'

'Oh nice! That'd be sweet being teacher buddies. Here, gimme the keys, and I'll go get you a pass. Just go ace your interview so we can get lunch together and stuff. It'll be great.'

'Thanks, Soos, you're awesome.'

'No probs Dude.'

For a moment they stood staring awkwardly at each other.

'Dude, if I'm gonna take your car, I need the keys.'

'Oh right.'

* * *

'So, it looks as though you've traveled quite extensively, and you speak... how many languages?'

'Uhh, Fluently? Maybe...' Dipper counts on his fingers, when he gets to six he is cut off.

'Never mind, the point is, you're educated, and clearly have a great deal of talent. You're overqualified for anything I'd like to offer you. What are you doing way out here?'

'I, uh, moved back to be with family, and to work on publishing some papers. Maybe get a masters or something. The traveling was... hard.'

'And now you need a job.'

'Well, yes.' The interview had gone on like this for a few minutes, the questions were quick, and slightly disorienting. The room was well organized; clean lines, no dust. It reminded Dipper of a new book; one that hadn't been opened yet.

'Well, you're in luck.' Dipper's head snapped back to the administrator in charge of his interview. 'As it turns out, we do have need of someone to teach basic level Anthropology and a Comparative Religions course. The salary is small, as we're a small school, but we try to make sure that our teachers don't have to live in their cars. Terrible for paperwork, you know.'

Dipper did not know.

'You can start for Summer Term A, it begins in a few weeks. We'll email you the relevant information, and you can get your papers in order in the weeks to come. Thank you for your time, Mr. Pines.'

It was clear, at this moment that the interview was over.

'Do you mind if I... uh, stick around and check out the campus? Familiarize myself with the area?'

'Of course, Mr. Pines, and thank you again, for your time.'

Yeah, the interview was definitely over.

'Umm, uh, thank you, Ma'am. I'll get back to you as soon as I've received your, uh, email.'

Closing the door to the office behind him, Dipper let out a sigh of relief. He hated offices. They were so... Stifling. Of course, he'd probably have to have one now, since he was going to be a teacher.

'Heh'

The thought of him being put in charge of the education of children was astonishing, when it wasn't ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as his being placed in the care of Grunkle Stan when he was an actual child; which, despite the fact that Ley was crazy, and a criminal, had been a great experience for the young Dipper.

'This could... be a good thing, I guess.' Dipper thought, 'And it will be great to spend time with Soos regularly again.'

* * *

Wandering aimlessly, and enjoying the nice weather of the late Spring, Dipper eventually found himself in the library.

'First floor... reference... printers... Second floor... huh... Basements, rare and historical documents, work rooms... That sounds interesting.'

Taking the stairs down to Basement One, Dipper noticed that while there were lower levels, they were only accessible by elevator. Dipper decided to start at the bottom, and work his way up.

'Basement level 4, rare manuscripts, work rooms... utility access? Huh. Okay'

The elevator was slow and loud.

'This is... starting to feel like it was a bad idea.'

The doors chimed and crawled open to hallway, barely illuminated by ancient, yellow bulbs. A sign in sheet indicated that few people used these lower levels. Inspecting the sheet closer, it appeared that today was the first time in months that anyone had rented time down here.

'This is definitely a bad idea *sigh* But, I might as well familiarize myself with the crazy stuff now if I'm going to be working here... I guess'

Deciding to forego turning on any lights, and alerting whoever may be down there, Dipper wandered down the hall. As he proceeded he began to hear intermittent chanting, laughter and chatter, until he came to a room with low flickering light coming from around a partially open door.

'Okay you guys, so, for the next part... umm, hey Mark! Okay, get the- yeah, okay, now Gina, you stand there... and yeah. Good. Alright, so as the incense burns down we start again. Ready?'

A few words of assent, and the chanting began again in earnest. Then the lights began to go out.

'This again,' Dipper muttered, pressing his body against the wall. In the darkness, there was only the flickering light of the candles, and suddenly, the overpowering smell of Sulfur filled the air, burning Dippers nostrils. The Light from the candles grew, as though their tiny flames now blazed like torches.

'Shit, this is actually bad.' Dipper muttered, propelling himself around the door and in to the now brightly illuminated room.

And there it was. Four average looking college students, huddled against the wall, away from the ring of floating flames around a beast. There was no other word for it. The head of a raven on some sort of misshapen human body- spines erupting from its back, wicked claws on its finger tips, and a gaping maw filled with needle teeth across its stomach.

'Holyfuck'

There was a moment of shock for everyone as Dipper burst through the door, five sets of eyes swiveling in his direction. More attention than he really wanted, but what can you do? In that moment of distraction, the beast leapt across the poorly drawn circle and into the mouth of one screaming girl. Her screams of terror turning to screams of pain as she fell to her knees, her classmates now screaming as well, and scrambling for the door.

'Freeze, damnit!' Dipper yelled at the panicking students. It worked, but only momentarily, as the screaming girl suddenly stopped, arms bent at odd angles, and head down. Only to look up, straight at Dipper with eyes that had drained of all color.

'Come... closer...'

The panicking began again.

'Idiots! The elevator will be out! You want to let this out in the school?'

'Nah man, but I def don't want to be trapped down here with it!'

'Fuckin' idiots. Alright Beast,' Dipper said, turning back to the actual problem 'What do you want?'

'I... desire... to consuuuume'

The voice of one had become the voice of many. A haunting chorus of doom and destruction. Dipper crouched, bracing one foot against the door for stability and readied himself to hold off the beast.

'Well shit. We can't have that, can we. You're in that little girls mind, huh? I think we can do something about that.'

With that, Dipper launched himself at the beast, tackling it in to the wall, only to have it shriek in his face. The breath smelled of decay.

'Don't think about what it eats. Don't think about what it eats. Think about getting in. To that. Mind!'

Dipper pushed hard, managing to momentarily pin both of its hands with one of his, but knowing that the strength of the beast was greater than his, and he only had the one chance. He seized the beast's chin and looked deep in to its eyes.

'Magister Mentium.'

For a moment, Dipper's eyes flashed a light blue, reflected in the pendant under his shirt, and suddenly he was in the girl's mind. He stood in a clearing in some woods, where a tire swing hung from the branch of an ancient oak tree, and there before him, stood the Beast.

'The child belongs to me.' It called in its chorus of voices. 'It is mine now.'

'No' Dipper replied. 'No, this child is an idiot, but they do not belong to you.'

'And you do not belong to this world, boy. Leave that which is beyond you in the hands of those who reside here.'

'Have you always resided within a salt circle? Or are you afraid of me?'

'I- what?!' The beast cried, looking down at the circle Dipper had created. 'Clever, child. I give you that, but this is MY world.'

'Idle chatter, and nothing I haven't heard before, now Leave!' Dipper commanded the beast, his words taking the form of a portal rushing towards the beast.

'Never, the child is MINE!' The beast roared, tearing the portal apart like fabric with its vicious claws, but Dipper was right behind it, barreling in to the beast, and knocking it over, only to stab it in the chest with a wand of Elder.

'It's finished, beast.' Dipper stood, imagining a circle of salt, again, as the wand began to grow in to a tree, roots spreading over the chest of the beast, and digging in to the ground.

'No, NO! She is MINE! I WILL HAVE WHAT IS MINE!' The voices became fewer, until all that was left was the screeching of a crow caught in the roots of a massive Elder tree, and in a burst of feathers, the beast was gone.

Dipper returned to the waking world to find the girl vomiting in to the circle, her friends peeking around the door, and the lights, mercifully, were back on.

'What did you- How did you-'

'You are all idiots. Did you see that? That's what you get for using Goetic magic without proper instruction. You're lucky you're not all dead. Or worse. Your friend here will recover, but this is the kind of stupid shit that turns places upside down! This kind of negative energy is gonna take YEARS to dissipate, I'm gonna have to do all kinds of shit to clean up your mess. So help me God, if I catch you dumbasses at this again, I'll PERSONALLY deliver you to the nastiest demons I know, and trust me, I know more than one.'

'Who ARE you?'

'Pines. I teach Anthropology.'

'Definitely taking his class...'

* * *

Dipper was exhausted. When he finally got back to the Shack he had every intention of passing out immediately, and spending the rest of the week unconscious.

'So done with everyone's bullshit.'

Though it appeared Mabel had invited a few friends over, he recognized Candy's car, and Soos' party van...

'Ugh, I love these guys but I don't know if I can handle this right now. MABEL!' Dipper yelled, coming through the front door. 'I know you've got some folks over, but I had a shit day, and I'm going to sleep forever!'

'OKAY DIPPER!' Mabel rang from the back, 'Just come say hi real quick, okay? We're on the back porch!'

'Whatever, OKAY I'M COMING! I just want to go to sleep, sleep! Why do you elude me so!' Dipper moaned to himself, wandering towards the back door, only to find small crowd of people staring up at him from the yard.

'Surprise.' Mabel whispers.

'WELCOME HOME DIPPER!' The shout crashes on Dipper like a wave, physically moving him back. It's then that Dipper notices the stage, where Wendy is standing behind a drum set.

'We are Lumberjack Inferno! 1! 2! 3! 4! I'M FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION!'

'Mabel, Mabel this is insane. How did you do this?'

'Aww, c'mon bro-bro, there are a surprising amount of people who like you, I just got them to help.' Mabel gestured to Grenda, Candy, and Pacifica, slightly hidden behind the other two. 'They're all happy to see you home safe. Now go and join the party!' Mabel pushes Dipper in to Grenda and Candy, and then leaps into the crowd, screaming 'CROWDSURF!' Dipper follows, thrown by Grenda and Candy. Mostly by Grenda.

It's not until much later that Dipper runs in to Pacifica again.

'Hey, uh, Pacifica, thanks for this, I-'

'Pax. Call me Pax. No one calls me Pacifica... and I didn't do much. It is good to have you back. I mean, back in Gravity Falls, not, um, AHEM. Glad you're safe, nerd.'

'Heh, thanks, yeah. It's... it's good to be back.'


	4. Coffee

'Alright, class. My name is Mr. Pines, I'll be teaching you Introductory Anthropology. If you've all received and printed your syllabus, you'll already have a basic grasp of where the class is going, and if not, I have some printed copies up here on my desk.'

'That's him! Ohmygosh! It really is him!'

'AHEM, If you're all quite finished, please open your text books to chapter three, we'll start with the migration of Homo Sapiens out of Africa, as it can be argued that everything before that is Paleontology... YOU!' Dipper shouted, pointing at the student who had first excitedly confirmed Dipper's identity.

'Uh... m-me, sir?'

'Yes, you. Since you're feeling chatty, you'll read through the first couple paragraphs. Tell us about early humans... Mark, was it?'

'Y-yes, si-sir.'

'Good. Now read.'

* * *

'You again. What do you want?' Dipper found himself slipping easily in to the role of bitter and sarcastic teacher. It was remarkable how well he found himself channeling his inner Ley. It was Mark, and his idiot friends who conjured demons in the library basement.

'Uhh, well, sir, we'd like you to teach us.' That was Gina, the girl who got possessed.

'I'm a teacher; they already pay me to do that. Anything else?'

'No, like, teach us about what you did when... y'know. In the library?'

'No.'

'But what if-'

'NO. You idiots wouldn't have had that problem to begin with if you hadn't been sticking your noses in to Hornet Nests. You want a lesson? Here's one: Don't summon any more demons. That's ALWAYS a bad idea. Now don't you have homework or something?'

'But-'

'But nothing. I won't be responsible for watching children die, and you will if you keep this shit up. You're waist deep in gasoline, and you want to play with matches. Now I have work to do. Run along.'

And that was that, as far as Dipper was concerned.

* * *

'Mabel, I CAN'T teach them, this is ridiculous! This is dangerous!'

'Dipper, just because we've been doing it since we were twelve doesn't mean that other people don't have a knack for it. They deserve a chance to learn, and who better to learn from? I doubt there're more than a handful of people in the WORLD better qualified to teach them than you.'

'Do you really want to bring MORE of this crazy in to our lives?'

'Says the guy who traveled the world looking for crazy.'

'I dedicated my LIFE to the study of these phenomena, sought out Masters who guided me along the safe paths-'

'But only after you stumbled through the undead, the occult, and the truly bizarre as an unguided child.'

'But what if they get hurt?'

'You don't get it Dipper, they're gonna do this anyway! Remember how Ley tried to stop us from doing this? Even Ford tried to hold us back initially, and see how well that worked? You can teach them, or you can let them learn on their own, but you can't stop them. They know it's all real now. For good or ill, they know.'

'I- I just don't want to see them get hurt. It kills me to see you when I get hurt. I don't want to put that burden on anyone else.'

'But you still do it.'

* * *

Dipper couldn't sleep, so once again he found himself jogging down the main road in to town. Down to the park where he would do a couple Tai Chi forms and get his mind right. The moving meditation kept him momentarily disconnected just long enough to relax a little.

The possibility of his death had never really concerned him overmuch. He got hurt often, and it had been years since the last time he spent any time with people who mattered much to him on a personal level. Mabel though... Mabel had been in the hospital with him every time he was injured and they were on the same continent- going so far as to fly down to San Antonio after he had to be airlifted out of the Mexican Desert. How could he take responsibility for walking someone else down that path?

Finally Dipper understood some of the frustration and fear that his Grunkles faced when letting their protégés- their niece and nephew, children, face the insanity of the supernatural world to which they had become accustomed. Mabel was right, of course, they would get in to trouble on their own, eventually. The same as she and Dipper had.

They might live. Or not.

It was that thought that had Dipper continuing through his forms long past when he usually left.

He had to do... something. Would a crash course in not being an idiot suffice? A guidebook, like the journal? No, probably not. They'd need a hands on instructor, could he do that? Could he commit to spending time with these... Children...? Though, when he thought about the stupid shit he did with Mabel. Not so different, and they started so much younger. He could teach them to be better... Not as reckless. They were a little old to learn everything he knew, but he could put them on the right track.

It was a start.

'Dipper? Is that you?'

Dipper stopped mid step, arms extended- wild goose leaves the flock. His concentration was shattered.

'P-pacifica! Uh, what are you... what are you doing out here?'

'Pax. I might ask you the same question.'

As Dipper recovered from being startled, he actually looked at Pacifica. A light jacket, track pants, running shoes-

'Running! You're out for a run, right, of course.'

'Brilliant deduction Sherlock. So what are you doing? And... is that a sword? You're not out here murdering people are you?'

'I'm, uh... It's for Tai Chi.'

'Oh, that's... pretty neat, actually. Where did you pick that up?'

'China. Well, mostly China... and Brazil... and some similar stuff in Vietnam, Nepal, and India. And also back in California.'

'So, you do this often?'

'Out here?' Dipper looked around the park, the sun would be up soon, he'd been out all night. 'Only when I really need to think. Or not think.'

'Whooo, spooky Chinese Wisdom! Nerd.' Pacifica smiled and pushed Dipper lightly on the shoulder. He felt ice cold where she had touched him, a feeling that spread across his chest and down to his stomach, where suddenly it felt like birds rather than butterflies were trying to escape his chest cavity.

'Yeah, birds make more sense...' Dipper muttered.

'What?'

'I, uh, nothing! Nothing. So you? I imagine you're out for much the same purpose. I can't think of any other reason the fabulous Pacifica Northwest would be out of bed so early.'

'Well, it's important to stay in shape, and too much sun is bad for my skin. The mist is nice too...'

'But?'

'But yeah, I like the quiet. It's a nice break.'

For a moment, they made eye contact, then went back to staring into separate vague distances.

'So, umm, are you free later? Maybe... want to get some coffee or something?'

He was twenty-six. His voice was not supposed to crack like that.

'Yeah,' Pacifca turned back to smile at Dipper. 'Yeah, that'd be real nice. Have you been to the coffee shop on Main yet?'

'No...'

'Then we'll go there.' Pacifica grinned. 'I think you'll like it.'

Something in her eyes made Dipper nervous.

'Oh, okay... so I'll see you around...' Dipper looked over towards the sun. 'Around...'

'It's six fifteen, Dipper. How about 10? And do take a shower before you come over.'

'Oh. A shower?'

'Yeah, you stink,' Pacifica grinned, wrinkling her nose. 'You've been out here doing Karate all night.'

Dipper was at a momentary loss of words.

'It's-'

'See you soon, nerd!' Pacifica laughed, jogging down the path.

'It's Tai Chi.'


	5. How Does Your Garden Grow?

'So, how was the date?'

Dipper froze for a moment, foot hanging off the last step down to the garden. Dipper expected a great deal of discomfort and a little danger when he agreed to help Mabel with the garden, but he had not expected this.

'Wasn't a date.' Dipper said flatly. 'And where'd you hear about it?' Dipper figured that Pacifica must have. Why was she telling Mabel about it? Was she calling it a date? Dipper continued down the steps and over towards the shed.

'SURE it was.'

Of course it wasn't, Dipper decided. It was just coffee. Two old friends catching up. How many years had it been? Five? Where the hell is the extension cord?

'It was just coffee, Mabel.'

'Obviously you have no idea what kind of meanings 'just coffee' can have.' Mabel waggled her eyebrows at him. Then with a flourish, spun and grabbed the leaf-blower.

'Obviously.'

'So how did it go? Don't leave me hangin' bro-bro! I gots a need! A need to know!'

'Maybe it's a need-to-know basis?' Dipper retorted, raising an eyebrow.

'Oh pooh. C'mon Dipper, how was it?'

'It was... nice, I guess. Good to see her again, it's been a while since we actually had a real conversation.' Dipper busied himself with plugging first the extension cord, then the leaf blower in, before turning to walk down to the garden.

'Well that's something,' Mabel smiled ruefully, then grinned, flipping the leaf blower on and off.

'WHOO! LET'S DO SOME GARDENING!' She shouted running headlong in to the weeds blasting the leaf blower, seemingly at random, through the weeds; whooping and crying loudly. Dipper shook his head, but soon gnomes began running wildly out of the garden and around the yard, before eventually finding their way to the forest.

After a few minutes, their numbers dwindled to a trickle, and then stopped altogether.

'Seems like a lot of effort,' Dipper said, 'why not just start with the lawn mower? It's louder, and the smell of burning diesel would have to scare them.'

'Well, the first year I did this, I DID start with the lawn mower.' Mabel said, looking slightly embarrassed.

'Oh.'

* * *

Some hours of sweaty labor later, found Mabel and Dipper lying on the back porch, enjoying the silence and shade. They had successfully pulled and mulched all the weeds in to a compost bin, spread last year's compost over the beds, and planted the herb and vegetable seedlings that Mable had started earlier in the Spring, as well as seed potatoes from the previous Fall.

'Mabel, would you mind if I set up a little herb garden with your stuff out there?'

'Mmmmm? Didn't know you were the gardening type.'

'I'm not, usually, but it'd be nice to have a stock of herbs for... y'know... potions and shit.'

'You gonna grow some spooky herbs bro-bro?'

'Well-'

'Maybe some magic mushrooms?'

'Mabel, I-'

'Some of that Devil's Weed? Eh? Wacky Tabbacky?'

'Maybe,' Dipper mused, which shut Mabel right up. 'But we'd be better off doing that inside.'

* * *

'Mark, I'd like you to stay after class today. Bring your... friends, too.'

Mark looked up at Dipper, making eye contact. A mouth open with shock widened to become a beaming, bright smile.

After the room had emptied, Dipper stood by the lectern at the front of the class with three students, who were, Dipper decided, reminiscent of puppies in their enthusiasm.

'I, ahh, em, right. So, Mark I know.' Dipper said, pointing to a shorter, skinny, young man, with the complexion of black coffee. 'And you're... Gina, right?' Pointing to a slightly heavy-set girl of with some sort of Asian background. She nodded in assent. 'And you are... I'll be honest, I don't know your name.' The young man was taller, tan, with blonde hair and blue eyes; he could have been pulled from a SoCal TV show. Dipper suppressed his instant feelings of dislike.

'But, I'm in your class.' He stared hopefully at Dipper unchanged face. 'I'm Ethan.' He said, crestfallen

'Of course you are. Alright, so, I've reconsidered your request.'

If possible, their smiles got even brighter.

'I will teach you. Some. But the deal is, it happens on my time, and by my rules. You want to do this without me? You're on your own. I'm only doing this so you don't get yourselves killed. Deal?'

The three looked at one another, and finally, Mark nodded, turning back to Dipper and offering his hand.

'Deal.'

'Good. The rules are pretty simple; first, all of this has to be secret. Involving people in this is dangerous, for you and them. You also don't want to attract any kind of attention from the government; it makes things... more complicated. Spill it about what we do, I will disavow you. Anyone who wants to continue to learn from me will have to do the same.'

Their faces fell a little at the stern warning.

'Second, as far as I'm concerned, this is a science class, and you will conduct yourselves accordingly. I teach, you research, hopefully we all learn. If you're looking for Truth, try a philosophy class. If you think we're going to be Demon Hunters or Ghost Harassers, go home. I don't have time for that level of stupidity.'

Gina, at least, blushed.

'Third, safety first. These things are dangerous. If you are not careful, you will die.'

The students paled at this frank analysis, shrinking under Dippers lecture.

'And lastly, this only happens when everyone is here. You do anything on your own, or without me, we're done.'

Dipper leveled his piercing gaze at each student individually, as if to assure his seriousness, before nodding to himself.

'Alright then, that's it. We'll start this Saturday. Just something basic to give you guys a taste of what you may encounter here. Meet me down by the lake at say... eight. That's AM, kids, and don't be late.' Dipper waited a moment. 'Any questions?'

'Can I-' Gina began.

'Probably not.' Dipper interjected. 'Bring water and a hat though, and wear tough shoes. Class dismissed.'

Without another word, Dipper wheeled around and walked out of the classroom.


	6. Paranormal 101

For Mark, Gina, and Ethan, that Saturday could not come fast enough. Dipper, on the other hand, would rather have been doing almost anything other than leading three complete novices in to the dangers of the forest. Dangers with which Dipper was all too familiar.

At least they were all wearing decent shoes.

'Okay, so again, this is a science class, don't do anything stupid, if I tell you its dangerous don't touch it, yadda yadda. You ready?'

Gina and Ethan exchanged excited glances, and Mark, eyes shining and locked on Dipper's, nodded.

'Alright. So we're headed in to the forest today. I'm sure you've done this before, right? Today will be different. I'm going to try to keep us to safer areas, with creatures I'm familiar with, but you never know what might happen, so stay sharp. Any questions?'

'Can I-' Ethan began.

'Probably not.' Dipper said, turning towards the woods. 'Let's go.'

Dipper led the silent trio up a slightly overgrown path starting from the parking lot of the lake, at first in silence, but the further they got from civilization, the more comfortable Dipper became; pointing out various useful herbs, picking wild blackberries, and laughing when they spooked a quail which flew up through the middle of their group.

Wheezing with laughter, he spoke 'Okay, so obviously we should go over some woodcraft basics; we're loud, clunky animals, and tourists in this world. And it is a different world out here. Most of what you know about the world of people, it doesn't apply out here. For these creatures, to be seen, to be discovered, generally means death. Whether by losing a meal, or becoming one.'

The trio of would-be adventures froze at this possibility.

'We,' Dipper continued, 'probably won't be in such dire circumstances today, but it is wise to keep the idea in mind for when you do (and you will, eventually) run in to something that wants to eat you. Like a Manticore, or a... I don't know, a feral vampire or something.'

Dipper looked from the students to the path that the frightened quail had gone before speaking again.

'Let us take a lesson from this little bird, and try to be a little quieter in our adventures today, hmm? Hopefully, if we come across anything interesting, we won't scare it the same way we scared this little guy.'

For some time afterwards, the group continued in silence, with Dipper occasionally pointing out some plant or sign of an animal, until he finally stopped and held up a hand for the group to stop. Pointing, Dipper motioned for silence, there at the side of the road was a single, tiny foot print. Examining it more closely, and then taking a better look at the woods around him, Dipper motioned for the group to come closer, and then in a hushed tone he explained:

'Gnomes. They're... mostly harmless.' Dipper said, though he still checked to see that the dog whistle was attached to his keychain. 'If we're quiet, we should have no problem getting a good look at them. What do you say?'

Gina giggled. 'Do they wear those cute, little, pointy hats?'

Dipper smiled. 'As a matter of fact, they do. They're not anything remotely resembling cute though. Keep that in mind.'

Quietly, with Dipper occasionally pointing out a safe and quiet path, they made their way towards where Dipper believed they would find the Gnomes, until they heard the sound of singing. Dipper crouched, motioning for his students to do the same, and then continued to the edge of a clearing. Hiding near the base of a fallen tree Dipper looked around towards the sound of the singing. His students filed in next to him, and Dipper motioning again for silence, indicated that they should listen to the song. It wasn't terribly complicated, but the message was clear. The song was about the communal desire for a communal wife. Mark's mouth dropped open, and Gina blushed, but Ethan had to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. It was a rather rude song. After a few moments, Dipper motioned for them to leave, and they quietly crept out the way that they had come. When they reached the path, Dipper grinned at the group.

'Not the best group of people to spend time with.'

'Something you've done personally?' Mark said, skeptically.

'More than I'd like, I'm afraid.' Dipper replied. 'Come on, there're still a few things I'd like you to see today. We're heading off trail again, so watch your step.'

Dipper then led the group off the trail in the opposite direction of the gnomes, taking them on a course that headed closer to the lake, but might end up on the other side from the parking area. For some time they walked in silence.

'Have any of you ever seen a lake monster?' Dipper asked, once they traveled for a ten or fifteen minutes.

'No?' Mark responded. 'Have you?'

Gina giggled again.

'Once or twice.' Dipper responded casually. 'And we're gonna try to bring one out in a few minutes.'

'You mean there's one here? In Gravity Falls?' Ethan sputtered nervously.

'There are... many things here. That being said, lake monsters aren't terribly uncommon. They're just really good at hiding. Monster is sort of a catch-all term for things we don't understand or haven't been officially accepted as real by the scientific community. That's one of the reasons I do this kind of stuff- somebody has to approach it scientifically, and most respected scholars are afraid to.'

'Why would they be afraid to?' Gina asked.

'Well, a lot of this stuff defies the official understanding of the world, and that makes people uncomfortable. People are resistant to change. Especially people who think they ought to know better.'

They continued in silence again until they arrived at a small, secluded beach opposite the docks, and obscured by an island. Dipper took off his coat, and hung it on a branch, then cautiously walked down to the water and crouched down, observing the water. Without getting up, he reached in to his pocket and pulled out a small sandwich bag of what looked like dog treats and held them up and slightly behind him. When no one took them, he turned slightly and shook the bag for emphasis.

'Go throw some in the water, but be quiet.'

Ethan and Mark exchanged glances nervously, but Gina stepped forward to take the bag, and then divided up the lake monster biscuits between the three of them, before skipping towards a ledge that went out over the water to toss some as far as she could out in to the lake. Slowly, Mark and Ethan began to do the same. Dipper continued to sit and stare out at the water. As his students ran out of biscuits, they slowly worked their various ways back to where Dipper sat, taking seats on logs around him.

'Now what?' Mark queried.

'Shhhh.' Dipper whispered. 'Now we wait.'

For about fifteen minutes, they sat in complete silence. The trio of students fidgeted some, but were otherwise pretty still. Dipper sat, unmoving, like a stone, staring out at the lake. After another five minutes, the trio began to look back towards the path and up at the woods, hoping for a break from the boredom. It was in such a moment when Dipper, without breaking his gaze towards the lake, reached out and grabbed the leg of the closest student; Ethan. This was surprising to Ethan, but not nearly as surprising as the V shaped ripple moving towards the beach. Dipper shooed the students towards the trees, and then slowly, quietly, moved up the bank behind them.

After a moment, a second V shaped ripple began to move towards the bank. The first began moving back and forth along the shore for a few moments before slowing, and then stopping, some ten yards off shore. To the amazement of the students, out of the water rose the head of a creature, one which looked much like that of a horse, but without ears, and with large eyes, like a fish. Its head swayed back and forth on a long, snake-like neck, as though searching for something. Soon, from the second ripple, another creature arrived alongside the first. It too, raised its head into the air, at first also searching, but soon it began to make chuffing noises and low trumpets at the first, while bobbing its head. For a moment, the first creature ignored it, but then it too began making noises and bobbing its head. The two creatures began to play, and then gradually worked their way back to the depths.

'Whoa...' Ethan gasped.

'That was...' Gina continued.

'Amazing.' Mark finished.

'Yeah,' Dipper replied 'they're pretty cool. You don't want to get too close though. Despite being predominately herbivorous, they can do some serious damage, and they'll eat you if they're hungry enough.' Dipper grinned at the warning, then looked at his watch. 'You guys ready to get out of here? I'm thinking it's lunch time.'

The trio of students grinned in response and nodded vigorously at the prospect of food.

'Alright then, let's get out of here.'

Dipper began leading his students on a narrow, meandering trail from the lake side around the opposite way from where they had come, following the shore at a distance. His students, laughing and chatting over their experiences that day made him smile. He had not expected this kind of fondness for their excitement.

'What were those cracker things, anyway?' Gina asked, breaking Dipper's reverie.

'Oh, umm, they were dog biscuits. I just added some synthetic pheromones to attract the water horses.'

'Water horses?' Mark asked.

'Yeah, there are different names for them, depending on where you go, I used to know a guy who called these 'Gobblewonkers' but I've always thought they kinda look like horses.'

They continued down the trail in comfortable silence, slowing to climb over piles of rocks, or particularly thick roots, enjoying the peace of nature. Gradually, there came a low buzzing noise, which grew in volume from the inland side of the trail. At first, no one seemed to notice, but suddenly, Dipper froze, whipping his head in the direction of the odd sound.

'Oh shit.'

'What? Is it bees? I'm allergic to bees.' Ethan said, suddenly nervous.

'Worse. I think we've intruded on some Pixies. We have to go. Now.'

At this, Dipper took off down the trail, swinging on narrow branches, and vaulting over rocks, as the buzzing was suddenly accompanied by high pitched shrieks, threats, and foul language. His students did their best to keep up, but even Ethan, who appeared to be in good shape, could not keep pace with Dipper's mad dash for safety. Frantically, he called for help.

'Shit shit shit shit shit.' Dipper muttered, swinging around a tree branch to send him careening back the way he came.

'Go! Go and don't stop running till you can't hear them anymore!' Dipper said, pushing Ethan on as he scrambled back towards his other students.

'Help!' Gina cried, trying desperately to pull Mark's foot out of a hole in some roots where he had tripped.

'Go! Just go! I've got this!' Dipper yelled, pushing Gina down the path as well. Crouching, he grabbed Marks leg in one hand, and the root in the other, maneuvering the one until it was free, despite Mark's groans of pain.

'C'mon, we've got to get out of here. Can you still run?' Dipper asked.

'Maybe?' Mark said, wincing. He tried to stand. The buzzing and shrieks grew louder.

'We don't have time for this.' Dipper said, grabbing Mark under the arms, and hoisting him in to a Fireman's carry. 'Hold on.'

Dipper turned and began sprinting down the path; giving Mark a perfect vantage to see a swarm of enraged, possibly intoxicated Pixies explode out of the undergrowth, wielding all manner of projectile weapons. Spears the size of darts flew all around them, and Mark thanked God he had decided on glasses instead of contacts that day. For a few moments, Mark was certain that the Pixies would catch them, inflicting on them all manner of terrible punishments for intruding on their sovereign territory, but after jumping a small creek, their pursuit ended abruptly. Dipper continued running down the path for a few more moments before slowing to deposit the visibly shaken, and now limping, Mark.

'That was insane.' Mark whispered. 'Thank you.'

'Yeah, well, next time don't let your foot get caught in a root. I'm really going to feel this tomorrow.' Dipper said, rubbing his neck.

It only took a moment for Dipper and Mark to catch up to the other two terrified students.

'HOMEWORK!' Dipper bellowed, causing the three of them to flinch.

'Run some laps! Do some pushups and stuff. The next time we have to run from something, I don't want to have to carry anyone.' Dipper glared at his students.

'But otherwise, good job on not panicking or dying. Don't be late to class on Monday, and don't forget those readings... and while we're at it, I'd like a three-page on your observations of our trip today. Illustrations are welcome, give me an idea what you can do better next time.'

They came out behind the boat house near the parking area on the lake.

'Class dismissed.' Dipper said, walking over to his motorcycle.


	7. The Coven

'I think I'm going to move in to Ford's old room.' Dipper said, with perhaps more force and determination than he intended.

'You sure? You say that like you're going to war or something.' Mabel replied absently. She was engrossed in combing the long, white hair of the friendlier of her two, skittish cats. Trevor, Dipper thought he was called.

'Yeah, it... it feels right.' Dipper said, finally. 'And I need more space than is available in the attic.'

'Hmm...' Mabel said, distracted by her cat.

'And, y'know, a proper office.' Dipper continued, 'want to help me set it up?' He added hopefully.

'I'm a little busy, work, you understand.' Mabel said airily. 'Plus, you're more familiar with what everything in there does. I don't want to make anything explode or release any ghosts.' She added with a grin.

Dipper sighed. 'Fine.' He said, sounding defeated. 'I'll do it myself.' Straightening from where he was leaning against the doorframe, he walked in silence to the room that had been Ford's bedroom and office. For a moment, he stood outside, building the willpower to walk through the door. He had been hoping that Mabel would be there with him, as much for the emotional support as for the help cleaning a room which had been mostly closed off for years. He ran his fingers along the frame of the door, over the symbols of warding carved in the wood. Protection from things invited in to the house, making it clear they weren't invited in his office. Spells to contain magical energies released inside from escaping in to the rest of the house. Alarms and traps- there were more on the window, and the door to the adjoining bath room. Dipper smiled at the memory of Ford's caution, and how throrough he had been. Not without reason, the wardings had gotten a great deal of use over the years. Dipper stepped through the entrance, feeling a slight tingle- whether real and related to the magic of the house, or merely the memory of days gone by, Dipper couldn't tell.

The room still smelled like Ford. Musty, with an undertone of his herbal soap and spice cologne. Dipper ran his finger along the book shelf, kicking up a small cloud of dust. He stopped as his hand reached the end of the shelf with the journals- the original three, and the two that he had worked on with Dipper. Reaching out, he ran his fingers over the spine of the books, gently, remembering the days spent doing research and experiments with Ford. Some of the best days of his life... He had to tear himself away from them. Looking around, everything appeared to be covered in a thin layer of dust, except where he had frantically searched for a means of trapping and containing the ghost a few weeks prior. Dipper walked towards the bed and sat down. He sank into the old mattress, shooting dust from the blankets to swirl in the streams of light from the window, and almost falling into the groove from where Ford slept.

'Well, that's got to be replaced.' Dipper sighed. 'Time to get started.'

After a few hours, Dipper had made a great deal of progress, borrowing a mattress from one of the beds upstairs, dusting, vacuuming, washing the windows, and laundering all of the sheets and curtains. He had gone through the closet, taking out what was left of Ford's wardrobe, hanging them in the living room to air out. He had sanitized the bathroom with bleach (and holy water, just in case), and set up an air purifier to run while he organized the loose trinkets and boxes of stuff. The room began to look livable.

'Hey.'

Dipper looked up from where he had been sorting through a box of assorted papers and trinkets, to see Mabel standing in the doorway.

'Sorry for not helping, I figured this might be something you should do on your own. You seem like you've still got a lot of stuff to sort through, so maybe this could help?'

Dipper looked down at the worn Zippo in his hand.

'Yeah,' he said, smiling sadly. 'What's up?'

'I uh, well, I figured since you've finally moved in here you might want some of your own things to hang on the walls, and...' Mabel shuffled awkwardly. 'I got this with Ford while you were traveling, we both thought you would like it.'

She reached down, out of view of the door to pick up a framed print of the painting from Ghostbusters 2, with the four main characters as the subject of Renaissance art. Stuffed in the corner of the frame was a picture from their fourth summer, the last one with both sets of twins at the shack. They stood together on the dock at the lake, preparing to go fishing on Soos's boat. Wordlessly, Dipper stood, taking the framed print in his hands and staring from it to the photo. Leaning it on the desk, he returned to Mabel and grabbed her for a hug.

'Thank you.'

* * *

It was some days later when, while inspecting and repairing the wardings around his room, that Dipper was nearly knocked off his feet (and a ladder) when one of the wardings suddenly lit up and sounded a chime to indicate that an unfamiliar magic user had entered the house. Grabbing a belt of spelled throwing daggers and buckling it on under his jacket, Dipper bolted out of the room and careened into the kitchen to see Mabel standing with another young woman who was holding a glass of orange juice. She seemed to be around their same age, with short, light brown hair, and hazel eyes. She was wearing shorts, hiking boots, and a light blue tee shirt. Not exactly what he was expecting as he burst in to the kitchen, gripping the frame with one hand, dagger half drawn from its sheath in the other.

'Ahh, and here's Dipper.' Mabel said, absently, as though his antics were commonplace, and of no concern.

'Magic user!' Dipper panted, still gripping the handle of the knife behind his back.

The girl's eyebrows quirked at this, but otherwise she said nothing.

'Remarkably astute, Dipper.' Mabel continued, pouring a third glass of OJ, before walking to Dipper. 'Juice?'

Cautiously taking this as a sign that Mabel's companion was at the very least safe, Dipper exchanged knife for juice, and stepped in to the kitchen.

'Amy, this is my brother Dipper. Dipper, Amy is a friend from the diner. And yes, she is a magic user.' Mabel smiled.

'Witch. I prefer witch.' Amy grinned. Dipper grimaced, watching her from the corner of his eye while pretending to drink his juice. 'Your sister has told me a lot about you, and you've got a bit of a reputation around here.'

'She's part of a local coven, and has been encouraging me to come check it out for some time.'

At this, Amy grimaced. Dipper raised his eyebrows; she didn't want him to know this.

'Oh?' He said, 'and what do you think?'

'Sounds like fun!' Mabel cried, breaking in to an enormous smile. 'She said that since creativity and confidence are really the only limiting factors, I should be a natural. We were just talking about her giving me a lesson.'

'Uh-huh,' Dipper grunted skeptically. 'Mind if I sit in?'

'As a matter of fact, I do.' Amy retorted. 'Reputation or not, our... coven, has pretty strict rules about who we bring in on our work, and you can't be a part of it.' She said, lifting her chin slightly.

'It's an all-girls thing, bro, sorry.' Mabel said, smiling guiltily. Amy looked slightly offended at this notion.

Dipper laughed. 'Alright then, ladies, I'll leave you to witchy girls club.' He put his cup of untouched juice down on the counter.

Amy glared at him as he turned, but caught a glimpse of the belt with holstered throwing knives, glittering with runes, and her eyes widened.

Mabel, noticing her surprise tried to reassure her. 'He's got good reason for suspicion, but don't worry, I've never seen him use anything like that unless someone's life was in danger.'

This didn't really reassure Amy, but she soon began the lesson, regardless.

* * *

'How'd he take it?' Gwen asked.

'He... definitely noticed my being there,' Amy responded guiltily, 'I didn't have two minutes with Mabel before he was in the room, completely aware that I was a magick user.'

'Sharp as a tack, that one. Think he poses a threat?' Kate asked.

'He definitely could. He was ready to skewer me with spelled daggers the moment he came in the room. Mabel swears he's no danger to anyone who's not a danger to her, but I wouldn't count on it. He knows what he's doing and he doesn't trust us. Me.'

'Us?' Gwen said, somewhat surprised. 'How does he know about Us?'

'Mabel, uh, spilled the beans.' Amy said, staring at the floor.

'Huh.' Kate grunted. 'She's gotta be taught how we do things here, and quick, or she'll get us in to all kinds of trouble. Can't have tongues wagging with what we do. What we're doing.'

'She's YOUR responsibility, Amy, you answer for her failings until she's a full sister.' Gwen said.

Amy's eyes widened in fear.

'We'll let you off for your lack of discretion, this time, but see that it doesn't happen again.' Gwen finished.

'You are dismissed, Amy.'

'Yes, Mothers.' She said, bowing before turning to leave.

Once she was gone, Gwen and Kate looked at each other.

'This Dipper could be an issue; we can't let him be a wedge between us and Mabel. She's too powerful to let go on her own.'

'We're going to have to find some way of dealing with him.'

'Perhaps one of our girls could... occupy his attention while we work on Mabel.'

'At the very least, it would distract him, and if we're lucky we could even end up with both twins in our... care.'

'Cristina, perhaps?'

'Perhaps. We'll give it some thought, if he's as cautious as Amy says, we'll have to choose very carefully.'

'Indeed.'


	8. Learning Curve

Dipper was having trouble sleeping, and for once, it wasn't because of racing thoughts. Mabel had brought someone home, after he had gone to bed, and he could hear them through the wall... and across several rooms. Whoever it was, he was doing a good job.

'Ugh.' Dipper shuddered. That was not something he needed to be thinking. He pulled a pillow over his head and tried to block out the sound of moaning and squeaky bed springs.

* * *

Waking came as hard as falling asleep for Dipper, but he had things to do today, and dragged himself out of the bed. Rubbing his eyes, and shuffling towards the door, he made his way down the hall and in to the kitchen, where he was surprised to see a girl he did not know sitting at the breakfast table. A girl wearing one of Mabel's shirts. With really messy hair. And hickys. Oh.

'G'morning sleepy head!' Mabel shouted from behind him. 'Hope we didn't keep you up TOO late last night.' She winked at the girl behind him, and she giggled.

'I uh, um, no.' He squeaked. Damn that cracking voice. 'AHEM, no. No, I slept fine, thank you. And this is...?'

'This is Tina. Tina, this is my brother Dipper.'

'Pleased ta meetcha, Dipper.' She said, grinning broadly and extending her hand, which Dipper shook, awkwardly.

'Well,' Dipper said, looking for an exit. 'I'm gonna go get... dressed. Yes. Dressed. Enjoy your breakfast.' He then turned and walked out the same way he had come in, though this time followed by giggling.

Once clean and dressed, Dipper returned to the kitchen, cautiously, to get something to silence his growling stomach. Luckily, it looked as though Tina had left.

'Hey Dipper! I'm out for the day!' Maybe called from the door. 'Going to the range with Pax! Got a full day ahead of us!'

Dipper looked around the corner and noticed that Mabel was dressed in pastels, with light make up- she could have been a cousin of Pacifica's in that get up.

'I didn't realize you still played golf.' Dipper said off-handedly.

'Of course I do! But we're going to the shooting range, not golfing.' Mabel said cheerily, hoisting a bag of what Dipper suddenly realized must be guns.

'Well, have fun with that.' Dipper said, suddenly giving Mabel and her bag of fire arms a great deal more attention.

'I'll tell Pax you said hi!' Mabel sang, spinning out the door.

'Go away Mabel.'

Dipper had enough on his plate already without dealing with THAT line of thoughts today. Even without the awkwardness of Tina, he had received a voicemail from his boss at the school and had to go in for a 'meeting' today. He was not looking forward to it. It was always difficult to tell what exactly the head of the Anthro department wanted, especially on the phone, but the meeting was unexpected, and therefore probably bad for Dipper. He watched from the window as Mabel got on to her bubblegum pink scooter- he had to admit that the teal flames were a nice touch, and drove off down the drive.

Sighing, he decided it was probably time for him to get ready and go as well.

* * *

'Damn it I hate wearing ties.' Dipper muttered, tugging at the tie he wore exclusively for these meetings. 'Damn nuissance.'

Dipper walked from his Faculty parking space up towards the Anthropology building. The building itself was low and squat. Dipper thought of it as being typical community college style architecture. The elevator was loud and slow, and the walk to the office at the end was dark and crowded with posters on the subject.

'Mr. Pines.' She said.

Katherine Myers was the head of the Anthropology department. No nonsense and sharp, her greying hair was kept up in a bun. She was dressed neatly, and Dipper always felt as though she thought him to be shabby. Though, it could be that everyone felt insecure under her inscrutable gaze.

'Good afternoon Ms. Myers, to what do I owe the pleasure?' Dipper did his best to smile, and it seemed as though his boss' frown only deepened.

'It has come to my attention that you are not currently enrolled in classes.' She stopped, as though this was explanation enough.

'Well, ma'am, I am a teacher, rather than a student.' Dipper said, confused.

'Yes. Well, you see, we don't generally allow teachers with only undergraduate degrees unless they are enrolled in graduate level education programs.'

'I see.' Dipper said, still confused

'I don't think you do, so I'll be more clear. You need to enroll in a graduate level program or you will not be allowed to continue teaching at this establishment. Have I made myself clear?'

Dipper swallowed. 'Yes ma'am.'

'Excellent. I expect you to at the very least enroll today. You may take some time to sign up for your classes, but I expect you to be taking them come next semester.'

'Yes ma'am.'

'Very good, that is all.'

She immediately went back to sorting through paperwork, with Dipper still sitting in front of her desk. God this was awkward. Dipper rose from his seat and saw himself out.

Graduate studies... If he was honest with himself, Dipper liked the idea of continuing his education, it would give him something else to throw himself at; another distraction from the empty hours that were otherwise spent thinking about things he couldn't change.

Enrolling was relatively simple with his already being in the system, finding classess in his field... At least they had an Occult Studies program. He'd have to study remotely for anything related to his Quantum Mechanics track, but doing so didn't look terribly difficult.

This could be fun.

* * *

Dipper returned to the Shack later that afternoon, and there was no one around, so he worked through a couple sword forms in the yard. Then went through a system of forms with low stances, short strikes, and heavy breathing techniques. By the end, he was exhausted, and it was well in to early evening. Lying in the grass and looking up at the dimming sky, Dipper wondered if Mabel was getting dinner with Pacifica after their range time.

It was dark in the Shack when he finally went back inside. The shadows in the fading light obscured his and Mabel's touch on the place, making it seem just a little bit more like the Shack of his childhood. Ford and Ley, Soos, Wendy, the family that he had come to love...

Scotch suddenly seemed like a good idea. It tasted like smoke and fire, the smells reminding him of cold nights over Christmas break, spent around the hearth with one of the Grunkles telling stories, planning for their next adventure, or playing board games. It was the smell of the Shack itself, all oak and leather. And most of all, if he drank enough, he could get some sleep, even if he hated himself for it in the morning.

He was on his third glass when the front door softly opened, and then shut again, and Mabel, dragging her feet and looking like she had been crying, walked to the kitchen and leaned on the door jam.

'Got room for one more at this pity party?' She said?

'O'course,' Dipper said, coughing. 'You're my sister. Siddown.' He patted the seat next to him. 'What's wrong?'

'It's just Tina.' Mabel said, pouring herself a small glass from Dipper's glass.

'You get in a fight with your girlfriend?'

'Oh Dipper.' Mabel smiled sadly. 'She's not my girlfriend.'

'D'you want her to be?' Dipper said, looking somewhat confused.

'Well... no?' Mabel said, swirling her glass. She held up to the light to look through the amber liquid. 'It'd be nice to have... y'know, someone, but no, she was just... she just wasn't very nice.' Mabel held the Scotch to her nose and inhaled.

'Wan' me to beat 'er up?' Dipper said, lazily waving his fists in the air.

'Heh, no Dipper. I just... want to be wanted, y'know?' Mabel took a sip of her scotch, feeling the warmth as it ran down her throat. 'I always thought I'd have someone by now. Maybe not be married, but, y'know, have some one who I was working on it with.' She took another sip. 'Working towards that white picket fence, two point five kids...' She put her head down and heaved a small sob.

'Ahh, Mabel,' Dipper said, putting his arm around his sister. 'Yer awesome. You'll find someone who sees how awesome you are.' He held his sister while she cried in to the table, and slowly, she sat up to hug Dipper back, and cry in to his shoulder.

'Th-thank you, Dipper.' She sniffed, 'C'mon, you've got to be up in the morning, let's get you to bed.' She smiled at him. 'And you're drunk.'

'Yeah, but so are you.' Dipper swayed as he spoke.

'No Dipper, I'm not.' She took the rest of her glass before setting it down. 'But I will be if you keep pooring me glasses,' she picked up Dippers, and finished it as well.

'Hee-eey, that was MIIINE.' Dipper whined.

'Yeah, but you're cut off.' Mabel smiled. 'Come on bro-bro, it's bed time.' She set her face in a determined look, and then hoisted Dipper up by the arm that he had draped around her.

'HEE-EEY, you TRICKED me.' Dipper whined, again.

'Yep.' Mabel said, wiping the tears from her eyes, and the snot from her nose. 'I totally tricked you.'


	9. Arachnophobia

Dipper was having dreams. Nightmares, really, which left him awake at odd hours and soaked in sweat. Strange, disorienting images of fire and long hallways; of great, cavernous rooms carved from solid rock. The sounds of chanting masses and childish laughter. He didn't understand them, but they frightened him. And they were why he was awake at five on this particular morning.

Dipper lay in bed until he finally decided that it really was too late to go back to sleep, and then dragged himself from the relative comfort of his bed. The sweat from the dream made him want to take a shower, but he didn't really feel dirty enough to use that much water, so he decided to go run through some forms in the yard first.

It was raining softly when Dipper, dressed in ratty exercise clothes, finally got outside. It was quiet, with the rain muffling everything but the sounds Dipper was directly connected to; the squelch of his shoes in the mud, the rustling of his clothes, his breath. He turned his attention inwards, and slipped into the soft focus of his forms, and began training.

* * *

An hour later? Hour and a half? Dipper wasn't sure. It was later. The sky was lighter, and Dipper was breathing hard from exertion. Regardless of what time it was, he had earned his shower. His shoes were filthy, so he left them outside, and headed towards the shower. He met Mabel on the way, still half asleep. It must be later than he thought.

'You're up early.' She said through a yawn. 'Amy's coming over today for another lesson and... and SHIT you stink. I hope you're headed for the shower.'

Dipper grunted in assent.

'You want waffles? I'm making waffles.'

'Yeah, thanks.' Dipper called over his shoulder, eyes on the shower.

'Amy should be here between seven and eight. FYI.'

'Lovely.' Dipper said, peeling off his shirt and kicking the door closed behind him. 'Shower time.' He said to himself.

* * *

It felt good to be clean. Showered, shaven, and dressed, Dipper followed the smells of breakfast towards the kitchen, his stomach growling audibly. Coming through the door, Dipper stopped dead. Amy was early.

'So you see anything can be imbued with power if you want it to be; objects can be used for whatever you decide to use them for: A drum stick can be a wand, a hockey stick a staff. Your imagination is the only limit.'

She seemed pretty excited about teaching Mabel, which was cool, but she and her Coven still made Dipper uncomfortable.

'And you can make all KINDS of totems and charms out of this stuff,' Amy said, producing several packages of what looked like brightly colored Kit Kat Bars. 'Polymer clay.' She concluded, a proud smile on her face.

'Oooh.' Mabel cooed.

'Ahem.' Dipper announced from the doorway. 'I'm just gonna... get some... breakfast.' Dipper said, edging around the table towards a stack of waffles.

'Good morning, Dipper.' Amy said formally. 'I'm teaching Mabel again this morning. If you wouldn't mind, I'd appreciate you leaving us to it.' She continued, with just a touch of ice.

'Yeah, sure. Whatever.' Dipper said, grabbing a pitcher of syrup and cup of coffee in one hand, while still trying to balance a plate of waffles in the other. 'Have fun.'

Amy watched him silently until he walked out of the kitchen.

* * *

Dipper ate silently, engrossed in his frustrations at Amy's presence in his home and life. Who did she think she was, anyway? He didn't trust her, or her weird witch club. Which was why-

A rifle report interrupted Dipper's train of thought. A thirty caliber, or near enough, and much closer than it should be, even if it was hunting season, which wouldn't start for another couple months. Dipper did not remember moving, but he was standing against the wall, beside the window peering in to the yard when Mabel and Amy burst in to the room.

'Dipper! What-'

Dipper motioned for them to move away from the window, but there were no more gun shots. Dipper wasn't entirely sure what he was expecting at this point, but it wasn't the spider that came scurrying out of the woods. Even at a distance of thirty yards, it was obviously enormous. Which is why when it suddenly changed course and ran full tilt for the shack, Dipper was not terribly surprised that Amy screamed. It must been six feet across, with a body the size of a small dog. Brownish, with line markings on its back, and furry like a tarantula. An enormous tarantula.

'What the hell is that?' Mabel murmured.

'J'ba Fofi.' Dipper said quietly.

'Jaba Foff what now? Speak English, Dipper.'

Dipper turned slightly, still watching the spider as it slowed, coming in to the shadow of the shack, and began to creep around the foundations.

'J'ba Fofi, it's Baka, an African language. It's a Giant Congolese Spider.'

Amy had backed away from the window and was now sitting, breathing heavily in a recliner.

'I've never seen one alive, or this big, but... yeah.' Dipper was entranced by the creature.

'What do you want to do?' Mabel said, staring down on the spider which was now passing underneath the window.

'I... don't know. I'd like to get it back to the Congo, if I can. It doesn't belong here.'

Amy looked up at Dipper, and for a moment, he thought he saw respect, awe even, on her face.

'Are you mad?'

Dipper had misjudged people once again.

'It won't last long here. It's native to swamps and jungle of the tropics in Africa; we have to get it out of here.'

'It's a GIANT. FUCKING. SPIDER.' Amy replied, panic coming through in her voice as much as anger.

'Amy, he's right. We can't just leave it there.' Mabel said, turning from the window. 'It's terrifying, for sure, but it's not evil, just... lost? Dipper, why IS this guy here?' Mabel looked back at the spider, now crouched against the house, partially hidden by some trash cans.

'You're nuts. Both of you. How do you propose to catch it? Let alone shipping it to Africa.'

'Well, we could...' Dipper trailed off, rubbing his chin. 'It wouldn't be too hard to make some adhesive gel or foam that decayed rapidly- if we could lure it on to some, like a giant fly paper, it'd be easier to transport. We could at least get it into a large terrarium. I'll work out how to get it home later, but I have some contacts in Kinshasa who might be able to help us out.'

Amy gaped at him.

'...I'll get on that then, I think there might be some stuff I can use in the worksh- the kitchen. The kitchen. Yes. Cornstarch and whatnot.' Dipper said, backing out of the living room.

'Your brother is insane.'

'Yeah, pretty much.' Mabel said quietly, still staring at the spider. 'I hope we can keep it.

* * *

The adhesive did not take long to make and with the help of Mabel and a reluctant Amy, Dipper painted it on several large sheets of cardboard, which they then placed all over the yard. The next part was slightly more complicated; encouraging a six foot spider to walk across one of the cardboard sheets without being tagged by the nearly eight inch fangs. Dipper decided that fire extinguishers would be the best way to go. They had a few CO2 extinguishers, and one ancient, refillable water extinguisher.

Mabel volunteered to coax the spider out of its corner with enough excitement to make Amy uncomfortable.

'Hey beautiful,' Mabel cooed. 'We're gonna need you to come on out of there, nice and easy.' She continued, creeping up on the spider. It crouched a little lower and made a sort of hissing noise.

'SURPRISE BITCH!' Mabel shrieked, spraying the CO2 on the spider. It reared on to its back legs, scattering the trash cans, and ran towards Mabel, who hit it again with the CO2. The spider veered off its course and headed towards the forest, and Amy.

Amy screamed, but held her ground, spraying her extinguisher directly in to the spider's face, causing it to rear and hiss once more. It flailed its legs in the air for a moment, with Amy screaming profanities and continuing to spray, before charging off in Dipper's General direction.

Dipper had hoped that between the three of them, they could herd the spider on to one of the several adhesive sheets on the lawn, but unfortunately, while the CO2 extinguishers were effective because of the cold, even with the ice, the pressurized water was not enough to deter a spider from the swamps of the Congolese Jungle. Dipper stood his ground, but the spider, galloping across the yard at around twenty five miles an hour, smacked Dipper out of the way and continued in to the forest.

'HOLYSHIT! DIPPER!' Mabel screamed, running over to him.

'I'm fine, fine.' Dipper coughed, waving her off. 'She didn't get me, but we'll have a bitch of a time trying to catch her out there.' Dipper said sadly, looking out at the woods.

'What if we-'

The crack of another rifle report interrupted Mabel's idea, and the sickening thump from the woods just beyond the tree line could have been nothing other than the spider.

'No.' Dipper said, shocked.

'They were hunting the spider?' Mabel gasped.

'I don't blame them.' Amy said, under her breath.

Dipper looked sharply at her. 'They shot towards a house. With people in the yard. On private property. They must have been watching this whole thing play out.'

Dipper walked towards the woods, and sure enough, there was the spider, its legs crushed on one side from the fall. The shot had not killed it immediately- through the abdomen, it would kill the spider slowly. Its legs still scrambled for ground, hoping to take it away from the predators it knew were closing in on it.

Dipper held his hand up as Mabel approached.

'Don't. Just... go get my sword, and a trash bag.'

Mabel bit her lip, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and she turned to jog back to the Shack.

When Mabel returned with Dipper's sword, he took it on the lawn, so as to keep her from seeing the spider.

'It'll be quick.'

Mabel sobbed, but handed Dipper the sword. He walked to the spider, now scrabbling frantically in the dirt and leaves. Removing the sword from its sheath, Dipper took a deep breath and stabbed down, through the back of the neck, severing the head from the body. The legs lost their direction, and began to merely flail randomly.

Stepping away from the corpse, Dipper called to Mabel and Amy to get the wheel barrow. When they returned, Dipper had severed the legs from the body.

'Dipper, why are you-'

'First time that I know of anyone having gotten their hands on a specimen.' Dipper swallowed, doing his best to remain neutral. 'It would be a waste to just destroy it. At least it won't have died for nothing.' He looked back over his shoulder. 'You don't have to help, I can get it myself.'

Mabel hugged Dipper, then turned to leave.

It didn't take Dipper long to load the entire carcass in to the wheelbarrow. He covered it with the trash bag and brought it down to the workshop.

It was only much later that Dipper discovered the rifle round deep in the viscera of the spider- it was made of silver.

Whoever had been hunting the spider had been accustomed to hunting things most humans weren't even aware existed.


	10. Soos and the Chalice

Gwen opened her eyes with a gasp, interrupting the group meditation.

'An object of great power has returned to Gravity Falls.' She said breathlessly. 'A chalice, stolen from our Sisterhood in years past. We must retrieve it.'

* * *

Soos always loved the traveling flee market which showed up in Gravity Falls. It had been coming as long as he remembered, and was a great place to pick up old and obscure game cartridges, interesting costume pieces, and useful knick knacks for around the house. As an added bonus, Melody also enjoyed the market; the carnival type atmosphere, and the antiques in bargain bins made it feel like treasure hunting.

It was in one of the patched, brightly colored, bargain bin tents that Melody found the cup. Ornamented only simple, Byzantine style engravings, it looked like it might be silver, or at least silver plated.

'Sweety! Come check this out! It'd be perfect for your costume!' She called to Soos, who was neck deep in a box of NES games.

Soos erupted from the box like a breeching whale, scattering games in all directions. Looking towards Melody, cup in hand, he grinned like a child.

'Sweet!' He cried, hurrying over to pick up both Melody and the cup. 'You're the best, babe.'

Setting her down, he took the cup to take a closer look at it. 'Yeah, you're right, this IS perfect.' Holding it up to the light he intoned; 'Who drinks the water I shall give him, says the Lord, will have a spring inside him welling up for eternal life. Let them bring me to your holy mountain in the place where you dwell. Across the desert and through the mountain to the Canyon of the Crescent Moon, to the Temple where the cup that - where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides forever.'

The old man running the tent looked up at Soos and Melody from his newspaper.

'Five bucks.'

* * *

Dipper was chest deep in a hole in the floor of Ford's old room, his room now, trying to excavate a new entrance to the workshop, when the wards went off again. Dipper knocked his head on the floorboards, swore, dropping the small shovel on to his foot, swore again, and in reaching for his foot, smacked his head on the floorboards again.

'God DAMNIT!' Dipper roared. He peered up in to the room at the glowing wards on the wall.

'God damn it.' It was the one indicating that a cursed artifact had made its way in to his vicinity. The wards themselves faded quickly if it was a minor curse, but the wards were pulsing in the eerie blue glow that they always gave off. Whatever it was, it was really dangerous.

* * *

Gwen sat in the passenger seat of her lieutenant and head of the Coven enforcers, Kaylee. Meditating, she searched for the chalice. They had been driving for a little more than an hour when they passed the small, mission style home where Soos and Melody lived.

'Here.' She said. 'It's here.' She opened her eyes and looked towards the house. Kaylee slowed long enough for Gwen to memorize the address and some basic details about the house, then sped off down the street.

* * *

'Hmm. Yes. I am familiar with Jesus Ramirez. He works at the school.' Kate said, looking at the floor plan for the house. 'He's an idiot. You won't need this. Just send someone to wipe his memory of the cup, and take it.'

Kaylee looked up from the floor plan. 'Yes mother. I'll put an infiltrator on the job immediately.' She stood, bowed slightly, and left.

From an armchair in the corner, Gwen stood. 'Kate, we must be careful. I sense that the chalice has been tainted. Cursed. It will be dangerous to anyone who handles it.'

Kate frowned at Gwen. 'Our girls can handle themselves, I'm sure they'll be fine... I'll pass the word to Kaylee, though.'

* * *

It didn't take Dipper terribly long to throw together a tracking device to pick up on the curses' signature. It didn't even have to be terribly precise, whatever it was, it was maxing out the meter. He grabbed his sword, and Ford's old blaster, just in case; you never know who might be holding on to such a powerful and dangerous item. Dipper only hoped he could find it before someone got hurt.

* * *

Kaylee was astonished.

'Kay, I'm so sorry. I have no idea what happened.'

Her infiltrator had returned, less than an hour after leaving, not only empty-handed, but unable to recall what she had even been sent out to do. From what they could piece together, her spell must have backfired, causing her to lose all memories of the chalice rather than this Ramirez character. Perhaps he was not the idiot Kate thought. Was it possible that he was a sorcerer? Was he merely hiding his abilities so successfully that the matrons of their order could not tell? This could indeed be dangerous.

'Send in a surveillance team. Get our best on it, and prep an enforcement team. Full battle gear. I'll lead it myself.'

Kaylee stalked off to prepare her equipment.

* * *

Dipper stepped off his motorcycle at the end of the block. He could feel the taint from the artifact from here, even without the machine. He began walking down the street, alternately looking at the readings and the sidewalk ahead of him.

There! That was the house! That's... that's Soos' house!

Dipper dropped the machine, and began sprinting up the street. Arriving at the driveway, he realized he wasn't alone. There were about six young women prowling around the house, looking through windows, and one more behind Melody's car, talking quietly into a headset.

They were so preoccupied, it took little effort to sneak up behind their comm officer and place the sword beside her neck.

'Tell your crew to leave. Now.'

The girl froze. Her eyes widening with the realization that she was less than a centimeter from death.

She snapped her fingers for attention, then made several more gestures, rounding up her group and moving them to the street.

'Stand.' Dipper growled. 'Turn around.'

Now making eye contact with the comm officer, Dipper moved closer, until he was nose to nose with the girl.

'Tell your witch club to stay away from my friends.' He growled.

The color drained from her face, but she merely nodded.

'Now GO.' Dipper said through gritted teeth.

She bolted, hot on the heels of the rest of the surveillance squad. Dipper watched for a moment, then turned up the drive, to knock on Soos and Melody's door. This should be fun.

* * *

'WHAT?!' Kaylee screamed. 'He did WHAT?!' She stomped to the table where her equipment lay, and strapped her wand and athame in to the holsters on her belt.

'Fuck it. Suit up, we're going now.'

* * *

'Soos, you gotta understand man, this thing is dangerous. I need to destroy it, or figure out how to remove the curse, but having it here is dangerous!' Dipper said, desperately.

'Oh, of course dude. Let me go get it.' Soos smiled at Dipper. 'Thanks for coming all this way to find it dude. Who knows what might have happened if you didn't.'

The front door, at this moment, burst open, and four young women dressed in non descript street clothes followed a slight, punky looking girl with short brown hair and combat boots. She was wielding a knife made from a wrench in one hand, and what looked like the handle of a hatchet inscribed with runes in the other.

'YOU!' Kaylee bellowed. 'You have NO right to interfere with coven business, I don't care WHO your sister is.'

Dipper, startled, turned towards the women, half drawing his sword.

'Something needs to be done about you, anyway. I don't like our sisters having split allegiances, especially to someone so out of control.'

Dipper's eyes flashed open at this, as he drew the full length of his sword.

'Are you threatening my family?' He said quietly.

One after another, the women behind Kaylee began withdrawing wands and weapons from holsters.

'Like silk over iron.' Dipper murmured, his eyes going half-lidded, focus turning inward.

'Wha-' Kaylee began, but in half a moment, Dipper was beside her, sword moving like a whip to take the weapons out of the hands of her companions, with following elbows or legs to leave them in heaps on the floor.

As Dipper flowed through Kaylee's lieutenants like a scythe through wheat, Kaylee threw herself against the wall, and clutching both Athame and Wand, produced and hurled a fireball directly at Dipper.

Dipper turned at last moment, eyes wide in shock, blade raised to parry, the fireball expanding to fill the room in front of him. At the last moment, a pendant beneath his shirt lit up like a flashlight. Blue light shone through the fabric of his clothing, and the fireball disappeared.

'He... he deflected it.' Kaylee said, shocked.

'Yeah.' Dipper responded, pulling Ford's old blaster from his jacket. 'Deflect this, bitch.'

'DIPPER!' Melody yelled, finally recovering from her shock. 'Please,' she looked at him imploringly, 'please don't shoot anyone in our living room.' Dipper's mouth dropped open.

'As for you, miss.' Melody said, turning to Kaylee. 'Can we help you? Could you perhaps explain why you felt the need to kick down our front door during dinner?'

'Yeah, not cool dudes.' Soos interjected.

Kaylee righted herself, stood up straight, and marched to the center of the room to stand before Soos and Melody.

'You have something that belongs to us.' She said fiercely. 'We've come to take it back.'

'Oh.' Soos said. 'What is it?'

Kaylee's eyes blazed. 'Fool! It's the chalice! I don't know how you got your... grubby hands on it, but it is a sacred artifact belonging to Our Sisterhood!'

'Wait, so are you witches?'

'I- Yes! Were you expecting brooms and pointy hats?' Kaylee sneered.

'Nah dude, just more eyeliner and bad taste in music. Let me go get your cup.' He smiled, then headed back towards the kitchen.

'I... what?' Kaylee said, dumbfounded.

'Would you girls like something to drink? Dipper? I've got some lemonade in the fridge.'

One of the girls in the back stood up. 'Ma'am, I'd like a glass, if you don't mind.'

Kaylee glared, but said nothing, and continued to stand in the center of the room, fists on hips. Dipper moved to stand near the entrance to the dining room, still holding both bare blade and blaster.

When Soos returned with the chalice, Dipper was ready.

'Soos, you can't give it to these guys, they're dangerous.' Dipper said frantically. 'Who knows what it can do! It's dangerous for anyone who has it.'

'Then it's dangerous for you too, Dipper. Ask yourself, Dipper, why do you seek the cup of Christ? Is it for His glory, or for yours?'

'Soos, you're not making any sense!'

'Dipper, it belongs to them, dude. Not me.'

'Jesus Christ Soos! It belongs to you!'

Soos slapped Dipper lightly. 'That's for blasphemy.' He smiled. 'Look dude, it clearly means a whole lot to these girls, and they know what they're doing. I'm sure they can handle whatever curse is on this cup.'

'But you bought it!' Dipper said desperately.

'Yeah, for like, five bucks.'

Dipper sighed. 'Fine, it's your stuff, Soos. I trust you.' He smiled at Soos, and backed out of the way to stand near the wall again. Kaylee sneered at him, once again.

'Jenna!' A girl near the back stood. 'Kindly make sure that the chalice is indeed the genuine article. I would hate to return to mother Kate with a fake.' Melody rolled her eyes.

Jenna approached Soos, smiled, gently took the chalice in to her hands, and closed her eyes. After a moment, she opened them again, looking confused.

'It is the chalice, Kay, but... whatever curse was on it is... It's not even broken, it's been changed.' She looked up at Soos and Melody. 'The chalice is... blessed.' She said breathlessly.

'What? What are you talking about.' Kaylee said, looking equally confused and angry.

'Whatever it might have done, its properties are now those of healing.' Walking to one of her sisters, she poured the glass of lemonade in to the chalice, then, using her athame, sliced her finger. She waited a moment for the blood to work its way to through the skin, then poured some of the lemonade over the cut, only for it to immediately heal.

She looked at Kaylee.

'We can't take this from them. Their very presence reversed the curse.' She looked back at Soos and Melody, 'perhaps they are just so good that negative spells are reversed here. It would explain our earlier failure.'

Dipper looked in awe at his friends. 'You reversed the polarity of the negative energy. Just because you're... you.'

'Aww, c'mon dudes. You're gonna make us blush.'

Kaylee hung her head. 'Jenna's right. We can't take it from you. Our laws are such that...' she looked at Dipper and grimaced, 'our laws state that we can't take a blessed item from the person who blesses it- such items have to be given freely. To do anything else would be to taint the blessing... and considering how we handled this tonight, I don't think I could take it back if you DID give it to us. Shit. Kate is gonna have my hide.'

For a moment, everyone stood there, staring at Soos and Melody. Then Kaylee stood up straight, motioned to her companions and bowed her head slightly. 'Thank you for your hospitality, Sir, Ma'am.' She said stiffly. 'Ladies!' She barked, 'Let's go.' She then turned, and marched out the door.

Dipper watched them leave.

'I... I should probably go too.' Dipper said, guiltily.

'Dipper,' Melody began, smiling. 'Don't judge them too harshly. I imagine they're as suspicious of you as you are of them. It's been a long time since yours was a household name here. Remember that, okay?'

'I... Okay Melody. And thanks again guys.' Dipper grinned. 'I'll see you around... You guys should come by the Shack some time. You're always welcome.'

'Dude. I love going to the Shack. This weekend, for sure.' Soos looked at Melody. 'We can do this weekend, right? Please?'

Melody laughed at Soos' child-like glee at visiting the Pines' home. 'Of course, sweety, we'll work out the details later.' She turned to Dipper. 'Remember what I told you, okay?'

'Got it.'

* * *

As Dipper came out on the lawn, he saw that some of the girls, including Kaylee, were still lingering around the property, which made him both suspicious and nervous. He approached Kaylee, who still looked to be fuming over the incident.

'Hey, look, I kinda feel like we-'

'YOU! You had better stay out of Coven business, Dipper Pines, these things are NO concern of yours.' She hissed.

Dipper was taken aback, slightly, by her onslaught, but more offended than put off.

'Look, I'm not sure what kind of weight you're used to throwing around with your Sisterhood, but you pull an act like that again, in the home of one of MY friends, and you won't be walking away from it. Do what you want elsewhere, but not here. Do we have an understanding?'

'Coven business is not YOUR business, Pines. Understand that, and we'll have no problems.' Kaylee wheeled around on this note, and marched after her sisters. Dipper watched them go.

Perhaps they were not the nefarious organization he thought. Perhaps. But they were still troublesome. Dipper wondered what kind of effect they would have on his sister, and shuddered.


	11. Fantastic Beasts

'Mr. Pines?'

Dipper looked up to see a younger looking student staring intently back at him. She had large, brown eyes.

'Uh... yes?' Dipper stuttered.

She smiled. 'Hi! I'm Lizzy. I'm a freshman, and I had a question.'

'I- uhh...' Dipper looked down at the book in his hand, a thick, worn tome, covered with lengthy mathematical formulas and obscure symbols.

'I don't do tutoring.' He said finally.

Lizzy laughed. 'No, not about that. I actually had a question related to... uh...' She bit her lip, 'what you do OUTSIDE school.'

'I'm not sure I follow you,' Dipper said, suddenly suspicious.

'You know,' she said, looking around nervously, 'the PARANORMAL stuff.' She smiled up at him again.

Dipper stopped for a moment, then took a closer look at her. New shoes, long socks, an outfit that was just a little too tight. She was wearing make-up too, though not enough that you'd notice if you weren't looking, and... perfume? Too much for hanging out in a musty corner of the library.

So this was it. Dipper had assumed that the Coven would eventually try something like this. He was too close to Mabel, and too involved in something which they likely saw as their sole domain. He was an unknown, a variable.

'I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.' Dipper said, doing his best to sound dismissive, and leaning over his book once more.

Lizzy laughed again. 'Please. Yours used to be a household name around here, plus, you've got my sisters all wigging out like spooked chickens.'

Dipper froze. 'Your sisters?' He said, trying to feign disinterest.

Lizzy laughed just a little harder. It unnerved Dipper that she seemed to see right through him. 'Don't play coy Dipper, you know exactly who I'm talking about. The Coven is afraid of you.'

Dipper's head swung up from his book to stare back at her, which she seemed to find as amusing as everything else he did.

'But I didn't come here to talk about them. I did want to see what all the fuss was about, though,' she said, stepping closer 'and while you're not as ruggedly handsome as I expected, you'll do.' She ran a finger down Dipper's jaw to his chin.

Dipper whipped his head back, and stepped away so fast he stumbled, only just catching himself on a bookshelf.

'What do you want?' He hissed.

Lizzy giggled. 'I can think of a few things...' she said, smiling widely. '...but I came to ask for your help on something.'

'I TOLD you already, I don't do tutoring.' Dipper said through gritted teeth.

'As fun as that would be,' she grinned 'I actually need your help with something a little more pressing than schoolwork.' She bent one knee a little so that her hip pushed out on one side. It was distracting. 'I have an... Animal problem, and Amy has mentioned that you've got some experience with... exotic animals.'

This perked Dipper's interest in a way that he wasn't nervous thinking about.

'What kind of animal?'

'Well, I think it might be a dragon.'

* * *

It had taken them an hour and a half to get to the overlook. Back roads meant that Mabel's jeep was a necessity, and both the car ride and following hour-long hike and been supremely uncomfortable for Dipper. Lizzy teased and flirted the entire time. Dipper was amazed that anyone could hold up such a one-sided conversation, with so much enthusiasm, for so long. She was going to irritate or embarrass him to death.

Whichever came first, Dipper longed for the sweet release of death.

'Madness.' Dipper muttered.

'Did you say something?' Lizzy turned. They were walking up the last stretch of trail to the overlook. She had insisted that he needed to be lead there, though the trail was well marked, and having refused to change in to something more practical for hiking than her considerably short skirt, Dipper had spent much of the hike trying desperately to look anywhere other than the path ahead of him, which had lead to him stumbling a number of times, much to Lizzy's amusement.

The overlook itself was a sheer cliff; roughly fifty feet of bare rock looking out over the gorge. Dipper immediately noticed a few charred trees, and one that was still smoking.

'We've been lucky so far, what with all the rain, but we won't forever.' Lizzy said, for once not smiling. 'I tried to get official sisterhood help first, but to be honest, stuff like this isn't really their thing.'

'What, they've never had to deal with fantastic beasts before? I thought it was a coven, not a book club.'

Lizzy giggled. 'Sometimes it does feel that way, and yes, but never DRAGONS, that's a bit out of our depth.'

'It's almost definitely not a dragon.' Dipper said, scanning the valley below.

'You haven't seen it yet, how could you know?'

'Dragons are like Fair Folk; they're ancient, extremely powerful, and completely incomprehensible to most, if not all humans. There's a reason some cultures worshipped them as Gods.'

Lizzy stared at him, awestruck for a moment.

'Plus, if a Dragon wanted to light up this valley, the whole thing would be gone by now, and that's not really their thing.'

Just then, a creature, blue gray and leathery, burst from the canopy, wheeling up to head towards the rock face on the other side of the gorge.

'There it is.' Dipper said, shading his eyes. 'Looks like an Arctic Drake of some kind. Wonder what it's doing here...'

The sound of a rifle's crack filled the canyon, and the Drake recoiled and dove for the safety of the trees. Dipper said nothing for a moment, staring, frowning at the area of the woods where the sound came from.

'We're gonna need some help for this,' He said finally, and turning to jog down the path he called over his shoulder 'hurry up, we're gonna have to be quick.'

* * *

It took some time contact his three students, but once they arrived at the Trailhead before Mabel; between finding a powerful enough air rifle and darts filled with horse tranquilizer, and then riding her scooter up the mountain, some time had passed by the time she arrived. Between his students and the gear in the Jeep, Dipper had enough other equipment to secure the drake once it was subdued.

'So, what then?' Mark asked.

'I don't know.' Dipper stared at him. 'I'm making this up as I go along.'

Ethan's mouth dropped open. Lizzy just giggled.

'Are we finished? We really need to get moving; we're not the only things looking for this guy, and I don't want to see what happens if we don't find it first.'

Mabel shot him a nervous glance.

'We're gonna need some to be our spotter, up on overlook-'

'I'll do it.' Gina interrupted, 'I'm not really one for running and climbing.'

'Yet,' Mark said with a smile.

'Yet.' Gina agreed.

Dipper pressed on, 'cool, here's a radio, we'll need to know what you see, and we may need you to drive the Jeep, too, can you do that? You've got a license?'

'I can do it.' Gina said with an air of certainty.

'Good enough. Alright, let's get going.'

Gina headed up the path to the overlook, and Lizzy led the rest of the team down in to the gorge.

* * *

The woods were silent. A nice breeze rustled some leaves, and creeks gurgled along their course, but there were no birds. No insects chirping. It was eerie. Granted, a top predator like an Arctic Drake would be enough to keep most animals smaller than a moose hiding- even if they mostly preyed on fish.

A crackle came through on the radio, followed by Gina's voice. 'How big is this thing, anyway? How will I know when- Whoa, never mind, it's in the air. Headed... uh, towards the river? Is that...'

'That's east,' Dipper muttered. 'Ask her where along the river it is.'

They were wandering through the rocky, sloped woods of the gorge, which was only made slightly less difficult by Lizzy's familiarity with the area.

'Uhh, can you see where along the river it is?' Mark said in to the radio.

'It's... uhh, headed down towards the... no wait, away from the bridge it's-'

Another rifle blast echoed the canyon. Dipper froze, the team following suit.

'That's a .50 cal.' Dipper said quietly. 'Whoever this is, they have some serious coin to throw around.'

His team stopped, staring at him in awe.

'Well he's definitely shooting from a distance, so we've got him at a disadvantage there. Let's get moving. Mark! Ask Gina if she can tell where the shot came from.'

Gina was already addressing them 'Looks like someone's shooting at it, it touched down in some trees, there's a big fir tree sticking up where it landed.'

'Gina, can you tell where the shot came from?'

'Sorry Mark, I have no idea, but it was LOUD, I could feel it in my chest.'

Dipper cursed under his breath, but they continued moving, Lizzy altering their course some to bring them closer to the drake. It took them another half hour of mostly silent hiking, with occasional updates from Gina, but finally they began to hear thrashing and bellowing from some large creature ahead of them. There, in a small clearing was the drake. It was easily as large as the jeep, mottled blue-grey, and thin like a snake, with leathery skin. It had thick, heavy claws, which looked to be perfect for climbing, and a mouth full of short, sharp teeth.

'Uhh, Dipper, I don't think horse tranquilizer is going to do it.'

'Holy shit.' Ethan said

'It's beautiful,' Lizzy gasped.

Mark snapped a picture with his digital camera.

Dipper looked around for an advantage.

'Lizzy, where's the closest place Gina can get a trailer? What the nearest access road for the gorge?'

'Umm-'

'Mabel, start putting darts in that thing, it'll take a moment for the tranquilizer to start working anyway. Mark, tell Gina to start heading back to the jeep.

Mabel nodded, immediately raised the air rifle, and put three darts in to the thigh of the drake, provoking an angry scream, and causing it to swing its snake-like neck in their direction.

'Scatter!' Dipper hissed. The team stared for a moment, but as soon as the drake started charging towards them, they moved.

'Gina!' Mark yelled in to the radio. 'Get back to the jeep- we need you to pick up a flat bed trailer. There should be one you can rent from a hardware store down the road some. Afterwards, you're going to need to take an access road in to the canyon to pick us up, understand?'

'Yeah! Got it! Headed back to the jeep now. Damn it, I thought there wasn't going to be any running!'

'You got this. I'm gonna pass the radio to Lizzy, she'll direct you to the service road.'

'Got it!' Mark heard as he tossed the radio to Lizzy, and ran quickly through the clearing, distracting the drake long enough for Mabel to get another two darts in to its neck.

'Mabel! No more, too much will kill it.' Dipper shouted.

Luckily, the drake was already starting to get sluggish, its head waving drunkenly, questing for the source of its confusion.

'Okay, here it comes.' Dipper called to his companions.

'Gina's in the car!' Lizzy yelled.

The drake, trying to simultaneously move toward the source of both yells, stumbled twice, and collapsed.

'Okay, now the fun part begins.' Dipper said, staring at the beast. 'Lizzy, where do we go to get to the access road?'

'Uhh, there's one north of here that leads down to the river... Maybe, half a mile?'

Dipper looked at the Drake, 'Well, this will be fun.'

* * *

Muzzling and securing the drake was an ordeal on its own, but trying to move it half a mile through the woods was torture. Everyone was relieved when Gina made it down with the trailer.

'I also brought some tarp and bungee cords- I figure it's probably better if no one sees us driving a dragon around town.'

'Drake, not Dragon. Gonna have to make you guys write a paper on this.'

Lizzy giggled. 'Yes Professor Pines.' She said, sweetly.

'You're not my student.' Dipper said through gritted teeth. 'Let's get out of here. I don't want to be around when the guy with the rifle shows up.'

'SHOTGUN!' Mabel cried, leaping in to the passenger side.

'I'm riding with the drake. You idiots get in the car.' Dipper said.

At least the ride back would be quiet.

* * *

The drake had begun waking up by the time they arrived back at the Shack, so Mabel had to put a few more darts in it, but aside from this, the ride had gone pretty smoothly. Figuratively, anyway, Dipper's back felt like it would ache for a week.

'Beats the potential awkwardness of riding with Lizzy.' Dipper muttered.

'What's that?' Lizzy said, sidling up to Dipper.

'Nothing! Ahem, nothing.' Dipper said, looking desperately for something to extricate him from interacting with Lizzy.

'Mabel! Mabel, can you call Pacifica? We're gonna need her help to get this guy... anywhere. I can direct her as to where to take it, but we're gonna need access to an airline that doesn't ask too many questions.'

'Why don't YOU call her Dipper, I'm sure she'd LOVE to hear from you.' Mabel said, batting her eyelashes at him.

'Well, I don't really know her anymore, and I... don't really feel comfortable asking her for favors, y'know, I just... I don't want her to feel like I'm using her for her money.'

Mabel looked at the drake.

'In this case, I think she'd understand, but I'll call her.' Mabel said, sighing as she pulled out her cell.

After a few moments, she had gotten through.

'Hey Pacifica, Dipper needs kind of a huge favor.' Dipper looked up sharply, glaring at Mabel and raising his arms in astonishment.

'Yeah, I told him to ask you himself, but he's being a dork about it. Something about not wanting you to feel like he's using you... Yeah, I know, adorkable. Anyway, we just caught a dragon-'

'DRAKE. ARCTIC DRAKE.' Dipper interrupted.

'Sorry, an ARCTIC DRAKE, and Dipper was wondering if you could help him get it back to its natural environment. Mm-hmm?' Putting the phone down for a moment, she asked 'where do they live?'

'The arctic?' Dipper said. Taking a closer look at the drake in question, Dipper continued 'This looks like the ones you might see in Russia or Scandinavia- best bet would be Russian Arctic National Park, east of Svalbard. We'd be taking it to Svalbard first, then by boat to Franz Josef Land.'

'Uhh, Svalbard.' Mabel said, hesitantly.

'Oh, ok, cool. Yeah, that works. Thanks!' Mabel hung up the phone, smiling for a moment.

'Sooo, what'd she say? Will she take it?'

'Yeah, she'd love to help,' Mabel said happily.

'Awesome, then we'll-'

'But you have to go with her.'


	12. And Where to Find Them

'What do you mean, I have to go with her.' Dipper said, shocked.

'She said you have to go with her. She doesn't know where to go.' Mabel said, as though Dipper was an idiot.

'I just TOLD you where she needs to go. Svalbard, then Franz Josef Land.'

'Dipper, I've never even HEARD of Franz Josef Land, and I don't know what language they speak there.'

'None! No one lives there! That's the point!'

'Well, she said you have to go. That's the deal, you have any better ideas?'

'I- no. No I don't.' Dipper hung his head.

'Anyway, why are you upset? You get to spend a couple days alone with Pacifica.'

Dipper's head shot up, his face completely red. 'I... I hadn't thought about that. Shit.'

'God you're such a dork.' Mabel laughed.

Lizzy watched, a little ways away, calculating.

* * *

With Lizzy and his students gone, Dipper and Mabel drove to the local airfield where the Northwest's kept their private jet. And a couple helicopters, two small prop planes, and an antique bomber, which Preston had won in a card game.

It had not taken Dipper too long to pack; his clothing was simple to make his life simple. Long sleeves, sweaters, jackets, it would be cold, but tolerable, considering that it was still summer.

Pacifica was waiting for them on the tarmac, well dressed as always, though more practically than normal, with loose fitting long pants tucked in to hiking boots, she looked ready for adventure, and... Excited? With her were two men who could have passed for wildlife management, what with the gloves, boots, and everything khaki. They asked no questions, but took the flatbed off the jeep, and hooked it to a four-wheeler which was then driven to the back of the jet for loading.

'HEY PAX!' Mabel yelled, running over to Pacifica to give her a hug. 'Thanks for helping us with this, there really isn't any way we could have done it without you, though it would have been hilarious to watch Dipper try.'

Dipper scowled, pulling his bags from the back of the jeep and marching over towards Pacifica.

'Good afternoon Pacif- uhh... Pax.' Dipper said, catching a bit of a scowl from both girls. 'Uhh, thanks again, for... this. I really appreciate it.' He smiled hopefully.

'You are so hopeless, Dipper.' Pacifica smiled and rolled her eyes. 'Come on, let's get your things aboard.'

Dipper turned to hug Mabel, and she hugged him back more fiercely than he expected.

'Come back sooner this time, okay?' She said in to his shoulder.

'No more than a week, I promise.' Dipper smiled. It was nice to have people who cared.

Grabbing his bags and following Pacifica up in to the jet, Dipper was not sure what to expect; private air travel was a bit beyond his experience.

'So. Where is it you need to take this... thing?'

'Uhh- um, Svalbard. To start with. I can get it the rest of the way myself.' Dipper stammered, trying to take in the extraordinary luxury of the Northwest private jet. 'The rest of the way won't be nearly so comfortable.'

'Nice try, Pines, but if I'm taking you to an adventure, you're taking me on one, understand? I'm not a taxi service, and if I'm going to spend a couple days in the Arctic, I'm at least going to get a few good Facebook pictures out of it, or you and your dragon can find your own way. Capiche?'

'Drake.' Dipper responded flatly.

'What?'

'It's a drake, not a dragon.'

'You are such a nerd. Do we have a deal?' Pacifica finally smiled again, holding out her hand. Dipper liked when she was smiling, she always looked so defensive otherwise, her smile lit up her whole face, her eyes sparkled... He was starting to get butterflies in his stomach again. Enormous butterflies.

'Maybe pterodactyls?' Dipper muttered, staring oddly in to space.

'AHEM. Do we have a deal?' Pacifica repeated, raising her eyebrows.

'Right! Right, of course, yes.' Dipper tried to surreptitiously wipe the sweat off his palm before shaking her hand, and then tried to forget the whole matter and get back to business.

Pacifica shook her head. 'Come on, nerd, it's time to get ready for takeoff.'

Dipper had not noticed the plane being taxied to the gate, but sure enough a fasten seat belt sign came on, and the engines began to heat up. Dipper looked anxiously around for a place he should sit, but Pacifica gestured to a seat across a small table from her, and Dipper gratefully sat down. He was unused to having an option for his seat, and generally sat where he was told whenever he had the luxury of flying. This was nice.

* * *

They had been in the air for something like six hours. They had watched two movies, eaten dinner, and drunk copious amounts of champagne. This was truly the only way to fly. They still had another six hours or so, and while Dipper knew he needed rest, he had trouble falling asleep. He was still having strange nightmares, and he wanted to check on the drake. The animal handlers were doing a good job of keeping it sedated enough that it wouldn't thrash, but awake enough to stay hydrated.

There was also the issue of transportation from Svalbard to Franz Josef Land. The archipelago belonged to Russia, and while it was part of the larger Russian Arctic National Park, and no one lived out there, it would still be difficult to get legal passage there. Luckily Dipper had a few acquaintances who didn't ask very many questions, and owed him a favor or two. One such person was Makar Domnin, who used to run fishing boats out of Svalbard. Fishing was the cover, anyway. He, like his father and grandfather before him, had been entrepreneurs in a country that frowned on entrepreneurial activities. Smuggling had made them a tidy income, but had gotten his grandfather sent to the work camps in Siberia, and his father shot. Needless to say, Makar had little regard for the law or authorities. It made him a good person to know. Dipper hadn't spoken to him in quite a few years, but he wasn't difficult to get a hold of, he seemed to be running both commercial fishing boats, and icebreakers that went up in to the arctic for anyone who was willing to pay for the opportunity. He must have been doing well for himself. He wasn't available at the time, it was still the middle of the night there, but he left a message.

Having accomplished the few things he could think of to distract himself, Dipper was still left with the necessity of sleep, and no desire for it, so he did the next best thing: Tai Chi would clear his mind, and might put him in a place where sleep would come easily.

Taking a deep breath, Dipper dropped in to stance, and began the flowing movements of a form that he could complete in the narrow aisle of the jet. He concentrated on each breath, the rest of his body seeming to move of its own accord. Some of the forms he had done so often that they were as natural as walking, as breathing. He found a great deal of comfort in them. Completing the form, he stepped back in to the opening and closing posture and stared at the window, still concentrating on his breath.

'You're going to have to teach me some of those movements.' Pacifica said quietly. 'You seem so much more relaxed now.'

And there went his peace of mind.

* * *

Dipper was exhausted when they finally landed in Longyearbyen, but there was still work to be done. The Northwest staff was able to handle immigration issues while they were in the air, and no one was there to question them when they arrived. Makar, however, was.

'Little Bear! You have grown shaggy since last we spoke, da?' He gripped Dipper's shoulders to get a better look at him, then looked over his shoulder at Pacifica. 'Perhaps Little Bear is no longer so little?' He said, eyes twinkling. 'Come! Vodka is in the office.' He led the way.

Makar was enormous. Over six feet tall, with shoulders reminiscent of an ox, he made Dipper think of Manly Dan. They would likely have gotten along famously, if they didn't kill each other. He had an enormous black beard, and close cropped hair, hidden beneath an orange knit cap, a necessity when at sea in the Arctic. His office was warm though, and there was indeed a bottle of good, Russian vodka on the desk, with more than half still in it.

'So. I understand you are needing transport, yes? Transport without much questioning?' He said, pouring out three shots. Dipper took his without question, but Pacifica was more hesitant.

'It's considered rude not to.' Dipper whispered. Makar pretended to take no notice. Pacifica sighed and lifted her glass as well.

'May we have as much sorrow as drops left in our glass!' Makar exclaimed, tossing back his drink. Dipper easily followed, but Pacifica grimaced some.

'Don't try to drink it, just swallow it.' Dipper whispered.

'Not the kind of advice I expected to hear from you, Dipper.' Pacifica coughed, 'something I should know?'

Dipper blushed scarlet, and Makar poured another shot for each.

'And here is to the success of your project, Little Bear.' He said, slamming the second glass back. Dipper was happy for the distraction, and took the shot. Feeling emboldened by the vodka, he leaned over to Pacifica, still recovering from the alcohol of the first one and whispered 'Just don't get any in your eye.'

It was Pacifica's turn to blush, and she took her shot with no more commentary.

'SO!' Makar began. 'You need transport to Franz Josef Land, da? And for large cargo, with no questions? You never do anything like this for profit, you are trying to save the world again, da?'

'Da, bratishka.'

Pacifica's head shot up to stare at Dipper, surprised at how easy it was for him to slip in to Russian.

'We have a young drake, I'd like to get it... home.' Dipper said, staring at his empty glass.

Makar's hard, creased face softened for a moment, showing a tenderness that Pacifica had not previously noticed.

'Da, Little Bear, we will get your pet home.' He patted Dipper's head. 'I have ship coming this afternoon, we will go when it has come, this is good for you?'

'Da, ogromnoe spasibo, brastishka.'

Makar smiled 'Your accent is still terrible. In Soviet Russia you would be known for spy and sent to gulags like that!' He snapped his fingers. 'One more vodka.' He said cheerily, filling their glasses. 'To old friends and new meetings. Next time, not so long, da?' He drained his glass with Dipper. Pacifica was a little slower and already showing signs that the alcohol was affecting her.

'Come on, Pax,' Dipper said quietly, 'Mabel told me you could handle your liquor.'

'Not at eight AM!' Pacifica responded, tipsy and exasperated.

* * *

True enough, a small, diesel icebreaker was in the harbor at around three that afternoon. Makar had the drake brought out in a freight helicopter, while he, Dipper, and Pacifica were taxied out in a boat. The icebreaker was not small, by any means. At sixty meters, it was definitely large enough to accommodate them and their precious cargo. Makar set the two of them up in adjacent cabins, but only after some discussion about how they did indeed need two separate cabins, which left both Dipper and Pacifica red-faced with embarrassment, and which Makar found hilarious.

After showering and changing in to clean clothing, Pacifica and Dipper met Makar in guest dining room. It was elegant, but simple, fitting a ship which was designed for people who intended to spend their time outside appreciating the scenery. Enormous picture windows looked out on the picturesque Barents Sea.

Makar had them served traditional Russian fare, mostly of seafood, and ended with black caviar and more vodka. Well and truly drunk, and filled with stories of Makar's exploits in smuggling and adventures in the Arctic, including a few which included Dipper, Dipper and Pacifica stumbled out on to the deck. It was dark, finally, a darkness Pacifica was unused to; the light from the ship seemed strange in that infinite blackness. No cars, no buildings, nothing... except for stars. More stars than she had ever seen, with the Milky Way, bright and obvious, like it was painted across the sky. It was freezing, too; the wind, out of the north, whipped over the ship with such strength that Pacifica thought she might be blown over. Dipper, holding tight to the rails, merely stared out at the horizon.

'It feels like forever since the last time I did this.' He said, quietly. Pacifica stared.

'I love this; the quiet, the emptiness. It feels so nice, so peaceful.' He said it in such a way that Pacifica wasn't sure he knew he was saying it out loud, or that she was even there with him. Her heart began to race, and she could feel heat rising in her face. Thank God it was dark.

Suddenly, there was a glow, low, along the horizon, like some sort of odd cloud. It expanded, waving and pulsing until it filled the sky with its odd, undulating glow. Blues and green and purple and silver, Pacifica gasped. It was the Aurora. It was magnificent, awesome, and Pacifica could barely contain all of the things it made her feel. She lay down on the deck to stare at the sky, happy that she had decided to continue wearing practical pants, rather than the evening gown she had considered. Especially with the wind. In a moment, Dipper silently joined her, feet pointing in the opposite direction so he could better speak to her over the sound of the wind.

'Is it always like this?' Pacifica said, breathlessly.

'The best parts are.' Dipper said after a moment. 'And they're always different.'

That was all. Pacifica wasn't sure how long they stayed there on the deck, whether it was hours or mere moments. Once, she looked over at Dipper, staring up at the lights, and there were tears falling over his face to land on the deck. Once, she thought she saw a shooting star behind the lights. All of it filled her with fear and delight, like a song that wanted to burst from her chest, if only she knew the words.

* * *

Pacifica did not remember getting back to her room, or changing into bed clothes. She must have had some amount of help, as there was a Gatorade and a bottle of Tylenol on her bedside table, but her clothes were strewn all over the place, so thankfully, it looked like she had done that much herself.

Dressed for adventure, again, Pacifica made her way to the deck. The crate with the drake in it had been brought up from the hold, and her animal handlers were moving around it cautiously, occasionally jumping back slightly when something from the inside banged against the cage. Pacifica was very curious as to what exactly it was, having yet to see the creature. Dipper stood with Makar, between the opening of the cage and the stern of the ship, talking quietly. They were dressed similarly, both in cargo pants tucked in to boots, and black tee shirts, though Makar wore a light jacket, and Dipper did not, which Pacifica thought was somewhat odd, considering that the temperature, despite it being Summer, was somewhere in the thirties. Pacifica shivered. She began walking over towards Dipper and the cage, but paused when the animal handlers suddenly sprinted away from it, with Makar, laughing hysterically, following at a jog. Only Dipper remained.

'This Little Bear, he is crazy, da?' Makar said, coming to a halt next to Pacifica and turning towards Dipper.

'What is he doing?' Pacifica asked, as Dipper approached the cage.

'He wants to help his pet out of cage!' Makar laughed again. Pacifica looked first at Makar, and then at Dipper. All men must be crazy.

Pacifica wanted to go dissuade him, but Dipper was already reaching for the handle of the cage. Flipping the latch he stepped back. There was stillness just long enough for Pacifica to inhale sharply before the door of the cage burst open, the finally fully awake drake exploded on to the deck. Head weaving back and forth it searched for the source of its confusing imprisonment, and where to run to now, and between the sea and the drake, stood Dipper.

Dipper stood motionless, staring at the drake, until it noticed him. Over the course of a few seconds the drake, too, settled in to motionlessness, opposite Dipper. They stared at each other for a moment, and Dipper raised his hand towards the Drake and took a step forward.

The moment seemed to drag on forever, the entire scene in perfect focus; the wind off the Arctic Ocean, pushing the bright, blue green water into small white caps. It blew across the stern of Makar's ship, throwing Pacifica's hair into disarray, and obscuring her view. A few crewmembers and the animal trainers stood with Makar, staring in disbelief at what looked like a dragon torn from the pages of fantasy. The head of a snake on a fifteen foot neck, leading smoothly in to a body like a mid-size SUV; four short, powerful legs with flexible toes and claws made for climbing, and a tail as long, or longer than its neck. And...WINGS! It sat up on its hind legs and unfurled enormous wings, sixty or seventy feet across, with a snap that shattered the stillness. It brought up its head, almost vertical, and let out a noise that sounded halfway between the trumpet of an elephant and nails on a chalkboard. It was deafening.

Still, Dipper stood, hand raised towards the drake.

Slowly, it brought itself back down, and flattened itself out, to be as close to level with Dipper's hand as it could, stepped forward, and brought its snout in to his hand.

Pacifica let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

In that same moment, the drake retracted back on itself as quick as a snake, and launched itself off the deck and in to the air over Dipper, flying off towards the archipelago of Franz Josef Land. Dipper stood, watching it go. Pacifica had only just begun walking over to him when a second drake, easily three times as long as the one they had just released surged from out of the ocean to fly alongside it, making vocalizing as they went.

Pacifica finished walking to Dipper.

'That was... amazing. Everything about this was... insane.'

'Da! And no one is dying this time! Good job Little Bear!' Makar's interruption startled her, but she only smiled.

'I need to travel with you more often, Dipper.'


	13. Another day at the Office

'So, that's it for today. Remember that those papers on Chalcolithic Culture are due next week, and that your midterms are coming up. Again, it WILL cover topics we didn't cover in class, so be sure you're reading the assigned texts. I don't have time to teach you everything in six weeks.'

There was a collective groan from Dipper's Anthropology class, along with murmurs of 'Tyrant' and 'Slave driver'. Dipper smiled. He rather preferred that the students didn't like him. It made them less likely to try getting involved with his personal life, which tended to be somewhat odd. Well, except for his three protégés. Dipper looked up the lecture hall to see Mark watching him from the door. He nodded to Mark, and Mark returned the gesture before leaving. He would be teaching a little more this afternoon.

Leaving his lecture hall, Dipper headed in the direction of the library. He laughed a little to himself about the amount of homework he assigned to his students. If only they knew the amount of work required to pursue a master's degree in Quantum Engineering. Or in Occult Studies for that matter. Both required him to read textbooks filled with obscure symbols and difficult languages, and hours in the library.

On his way, Dipper passed Soos, and a group of his... disciples. Soos' genuine friendliness and wisdom had attracted a number of people not only to his shop class, but also to follow him around campus. He had become somewhat of a celebrity.

Soos was sitting on the lawn outside the cafeteria, gesturing to a group of students with a peanut butter sandwich.

'Oh hey dude!' He called as Dipper passed. Some of the students glared; Dipper did not have quite the admiration on campus that Soos did. He waved, but continued on his way.

The fastest route from his class to the library took him through a sort of alleyway which wound between the back of the cafeteria and some administrative buildings; an area generally devoid of people, with the notable exception being those taking a smoke break from work.

While walking through the alley, Dipper heard the sounds of a scuffle, and low voices. Dipper slowed, coming up carefully to a corner looking around to see, to his surprise, Ethan and three other young men from around campus.

'Don't you look at me, you fucking faggot.' The largest boy said, shoving Ethan back in to a wall. He was large, hulking and blonde, with shoulders slumped slightly forward in a denim jacket. Two more young men stood at his shoulders, smaller, weaker young men, who seemed to be doing more laughing than anything else. Dipper frowned; they were the kind of sycophantic jerks he had known... always. There were always vultures that followed predators.

'Look guys, I-' Ethan began.

'Shut up, Bitch!' the largest boy shoved Ethan again.

Dipper rolled his eyes, and stepped around the corner.

'Ahem. Do I need to call the cops?' He said. The boys froze. 'I'm fairly certain that with your language there, this assault becomes a hate crime, and that's grounds for expulsion, correct?'

The largest of the boys whipped around, mouth wide open in shock.

'I-uhh, we were- uhh, we were just leaving. C'mon guys, let's get out of here.' He grabbed his companions by their shoulders and steered them down the alley.

'See that you do. If I see you around my student again, you'll wish I'd called the cops.' Dipper watched them leave for a moment, finally, he turned to Ethan, giving him a once over to make sure he wasn't seriously injured.

'You alright?'

Ethan nodded silently, paused, then shook his head, tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes.

'No, not really.' He said quietly.

Concerned, Dipper grabbed his shoulder and looked in to his eyes. 'Did they hurt you? Can you walk alright?'

Ethan let out a short laugh. 'No, I'll... I'll be alright, just... I guess I'm just a little in shock.' He smiled at Dipper, wiping away a tear. He tried to shrug off Dipper's grip on his shoulder, but could not.

'This the first time they bothered you?'

'...no.'

'You piss them off or something? What do they want?'

'Nothing, they just don't like me.'

'Why?'

Ethan looked up at Dipper, confusion on his face. 'Didn't you hear them? I'm a faggot. They don't like faggots.' He looked disgusted as much as angry and hurt. Dipper continued to stare in to Ethan's eyes.

'No, you're not.' Dipper said.

'What? Dude, I'm gay. C'mon man, let it go, I just... I just want to forget about this.'

'No.' Dipper said. He was surprised at how angry the behavior of the students made him. Beyond the fact that such ignorance and bigotry generally pissed him off, that someone would lay hands on one of his students made his blood boil.

'Look, do you know what a faggot is?' Dipper said, staring intensely at Ethan.

'Yes...?' Ethan said, squirming uncomfortably under Dipper's gaze.

'It's a bundle of sticks.' Dipper continued. 'Are you a bundle of sticks?'

'No, but that's not what they-'

'Of course not, they were using it as a pejorative with the intention of making you feel like less of a person. They weren't identifying you as one identifies a bird or plant; they were trying to hurt your feelings, so let's start with the fact that you are not a bundle of sticks. I want you to say it.'

'Okay, I am not a bundle of sticks.' Ethan said, sounding unconvinced.

'That's a good start.' Dipper smiled. 'Now I don't have time for this now, but next time we have our, uh, other class, I'll show you guys a couple things you can do to take care of jerks like this, okay?'

Ethan smiled a little too. 'Okay.'

'You want to go to the police? Want me to walk you back to your dorm?'

Ethan smiled a little wider. 'Nah, I think I got it from here.' He looked down the alley in the direction that his attackers had gone, and then went the other way. 'See you later, Mr. Pines.'

'Later, Ethan.' Dipper waved. He turned back to where the other students had gone and continued down the alley.

* * *

Ahh, the Library. Dipper loved the library. People here generally left him alone, and it was so quiet, not to mention the books. The things he could learn, the places he could go! Dipper smiled, and then buried himself in a textbook; getting a Masters in Quantum Engineering was no joke, regardless of how much Dipper loved the work.

Dipper was too engrossed in his work to hear the person who had come up behind him, but when she cleared her throat, and then whispered in his ear, it definitely caught his attention.

'Diii-per,' Lizzy said softly, placing her hand on his shoulder.

Dipper very nearly ended up on the floor, as he jumped out of his seat and tripped on the legs of both chair and table, only barely catching himself.

'Y-you! What do you want?'

'Oh Dipper, I want a lot of things.' She eyed him up and down, licked her lips, and then winked. Dipper blushed furiously.

'I- ahem,' he began, voice cracking, 'I don't think it's appropriate for you to be calling me by nick name,' He said, standing up straight and trying to look at least somewhat professional. 'I am, after all, a teacher here.'

Lizzy smiled. Her smile made Dipper nervous; she looked like a cat watching a cornered mouse. Dipper swallowed, hoping he wasn't a cornered mouse.

'Oh, Mr. Pines,' Lizzy said, walking slowly over towards Dipper, swaying her hips. 'Am I being...' She stopped in front of him and put her hand on his chest, 'inappropriate?'

For a moment, Dipper was frozen, his face burning, his mind mostly blank, but quickly moving in to panic mode.

'I, uh, I... I should... probably go.' He said, carefully extricating himself from Lizzy's closeness, doing his best to not touch her, he edged around her, back to the wall, until he was between her and the exit.

'I, uh, I'll, um... Goodbye.' He said, backing towards the stairs. Lizzy maintained eye contact the whole time, with that same Cheshire Cat smile. Dipper fled down the stairs and out of the building as fast as was appropriate for a teacher to move in the library.

* * *

'Mrs. Myers, PLEASE, this is driving me insane.'

Dipper paced in front of his boss' desk, occasionally running his hand through his messy hair.

'And she's not one of your students?' She asked. Katherine Myers looked bored, or perhaps just neutral. She was, as usual, dressed in a plane, but well made, grey suit and skirt. Her graying hair was up in a tight bun, and her entire office looked as though it belonged in a catalogue; everything in its proper place, and immaculate. All straight lines and right angles.

Dipper looked up at her. 'No, she's... she's not in my class.' He looked confused.

'And I assume she's of age?'

'I... think so? What's your point?'

'Well, Mr. Pines, if she is of age, and there is no conflict of interest, then this is a personal issue.'

Dipper's mouth dropped open.

'If you are truly upset by the girl's advances, I would suggest filing a restraining order.' She folded her hands on the desk in front of her and looked up at him over rectangular glasses.

'File a- what? No, no, there's really no need for the police in this matter, I was just thinking since you're, y'know, an administrator, and an... adult... woman...' Dipper trailed off for a moment as Katherine's eyebrows arched slowly towards her hairline. 'Maybe you could... speak to her?'

'Mr. Pines. You are an adult, she is an adult. What adults do... off campus... is none of my concern. Speak to her yourself if you think it is necessary.'

'I, uh, I guess, uh... Ahem, uh, thank you for your time, Mrs. Myers.'

Katherine merely nodded, then bent back to her paperwork as Dipper left her office.

'Well that was constructive.' He muttered.

* * *

Finally home, Dipper flopped down on the couch, staring blankly at the television set. What a day. His life wasn't turning out exactly as he had expected it, but the perils seemed to be there regardless; if it wasn't monsters it was students. Or school administrators. Ugh.

Dipper was still staring at the blank television screen, lost in thought, when Mabel arrived half an hour later.

'What's up bro-bro? You feelin' alright?'

'Huh, uh, wha?' Dipper shook his head, coming out of his reverie. 'Yeah, uh, what's up, Mabel?'

'Well, you're just sittin' here, drooling at a blank TV screen, just makin' sure you're not a zombie or something.'

'I wasn't drooling!' Dipper glared at Mabel, then wiped his mouth. 'Much.' He muttered.

'Ha! You're ridiculous... Dripper.' She sniggered, 'What's bothering you?'

'Don't call me that.' Dipper said, wiping his mouth again.

Mabel raised an eyebrow expectantly, and Dipper sighed.

'It's just been a long day, y'know? Caught some kids pushing Ethan around behind the caf. I scared them off, but they'll be back.'

'Oh no! Is he okay?'

'Yeah, he's fine, just a little shaken up. I'm thinking I'll have to teach my kids some basic self defense stuff for our extra-curriculars anyway, I just wasn't expecting to have to worry about it so soon.' He sighed again. 'Then Lizzy cornered me in the Library. Again.'

Mabel laughed, and Dipper turned to glare at her.

'C'mon Dipper, just fuck her already, she's obviously in to you.'

Dipper's face turned a deep shade of red, and he bunched his eyebrows causing his nose to wrinkle. Mabel laughed.

'You look like a prune! C'mon Dipper, she's nineteen, she's hot, and she's in to you! Just go for it, sex is fun!'

'I know! I'm not a little kid!' Dipper blurted out.

'Ooooh, is there something you haven't told me about your trips abroad? Hmmm?' Mabel brought her face inches away from Dippers, grinning broadly. 'You get some international action, bro-bro?'

Dipper turned his face away from Mabel, crossing his arms and refusing to speak. Now Mabel sighed.

'Look, you want me to talk to the Coven about it? I know they make you uncomfortable, that you don't trust them or whatever.'

Dipper turned back towards Mabel, and bit his lip.

'I don't know. I mean, I'm almost positive she's a plant,' Mabel rolled her eyes 'I know you think I'm crazy, and paranoid, but it makes sense; if I'm tied to them too, it's easier for them to manage both of us. I just... I think I could learn a few things from her.' Dipper looked out the window, considering his options.

'Oh, I'm sure there's a LOT you could learn from her.' Mabel waggled her eyebrows at Dipper.

'Thanks Mabel, you're so helpful.' Dipper deadpanned.


	14. Invitations

'Hey Pax! It's Mabel!' She cheered in to the telephone. Holding her cell away from her face, and wincing at the volume of her friend's greeting, Pacifica wondered at the source of Mabel's constant enthusiasm.

'Hey Mabel, what's up?' Pacifica said, carefully bring her phone back to her ear.

'Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to come hang out; a bunch of trashy movies just came out on Netflix, and I've got some crafting to do, what d'you say? Help a sister out?'

Mabel could just see Mabel doing the motions to match sassy voice.

'I dunno Mabel; I've got some errands to run, and a whole bunch of paperwork to go through, rain check?'

'Oh c'mon, Pax! You haven't been over in AGES, and Dipper's out for a couple days. I'm ALL by MYSELF! Don't leave to DIE her, Pax, all by my lonesome!'

'Okay, okay. Fine. I'll be over in a few.'

* * *

'That was quick.' Mabel said, opening the front door for Pacifica.

'Yeah, I really needed to get out of the house; my parents are back in town, and it's driving me crazy.'

'I thought you had some errands to do?' Mabel said, raising an eyebrow.

'Oh, nothing that I can't do later.' Pacifica said, brushing off the matter.

'And the paperwork?' Mabel insisted.

'Same deal. I'll do it tonight or something.' Pacifica said dismissively. 'So tell me about these trashy movies.' She said, raising an eyebrow.

* * *

They spent much of the morning baking cookies and ice cream bread for the trashy movie marathon. Pacifica enjoyed working in the kitchen; food was something that everyone appreciated, and she got a great deal of enjoyment out of being artistic with it. Her father had barred her from the kitchens when he was in town, saying 'Northwests don't work with their hands.' But Pacifica managed to get some good learning time in with their chefs whenever her parents left town. An education put to good use for her movie marathons with Mabel. They were a bit of an odd pair; opposite ends of the socio-economic spectrum of Gravity Falls, but somehow they worked like sisters. Perhaps because Pacifica had never had someone who cared so little about her family's wealth, and Mabel had spent so much time without her actual sibling. Or perhaps it was their mutual love of trashy movies.

Mabel and Pacifica broke in to fits of giggles as the screen fell dark, and the 'The End' caption was replaced by a question mark. A plate of mostly crumbs sat on the coffee table in front of them.

'That.' Mabel began, only just regaining her composure, 'was amazing. I want to watch it again.'

Pacifica, who was only barely containing her laughter as it was, could hold it no longer, and burst out with a laugh reminiscent of a frightened goat. Both girls, startled, looked at each other for a moment, before collapsing in to another fit of giggles.

'Oh man, that was good.' Pacifica gasped. 'The part where the girl-' She stuck her tongue out and waved her arms in front of her.

'-and then the guy!' Mabel continued, laughing uncontrollably, she clasped her stomach, trying to contain herself.

They sat for a moment, breathing deeply, regaining their composure, as the credits rolled.

'Aww man. It has been too long since we've done this. We shouldn't wait so long again.' Pacifica said, smiling broadly.

'Well you're the one who never comes over anymore, what gives? Is my new deodorant not taking?' Mabel sniffed at her pits, causing Pacifica to start laughing again.

'Nah, I just... I dunno. I guess I never have time.' Pacifica said, looking out the window.

'Aww, c'mon Pax, what's the deal? You've barely come over since Dipper got home.' Pacifica froze, and Mabel trailed off, staring at Pacifica, a smile gradually coming over her face.

'That's it, isn't it?' Mabel said, a knowing look on her face.

'I have no idea what you're talking about.' Pacifica responded, crossing her arms, and continuing to avoid eye contact with Mabel.

'I thought maybe you two would have come to an understanding with the dragon-'

'Drake.' Pacifica corrected offhand.

'Oh my God, you nerds would be perfect for each other.' Mabel said, rolling her eyes.

'How could I miss this?' She continued, her smile becoming impossibly big. 'You've got a thing for my brother, don't you?'

'I have no such THING.' Pacifica responded vehemently, huffing as she resettled herself a little further from Mabel's piercing eye contact.

'HA! You totally do! Why didn't you say anything?'

'I do NOT.' Pacifica insisted. 'Plus,' she muttered 'It'd never work out.'

'What? Why not? I mean, Dipper used to have kind of a thing for you, don't you remember?'

'What?!' Pacifica snapped, whipping her head around to look at Mabel. 'No- no way. C'mon Mabel. Dipper? The only thing he's got a thing for is research.'

'Ugh, oh my God Pacifica, how do you not know this? He-' she sniggered 'he PINED for you!' Mabel burst into another fit of giggles. Pacifica just stared.

'Oh man, that will never get old. Seriously though,' she said, wiping tears from her face, 'you really didn't know?'

'I- uh, I mean, no.' A blush began to creep over her cheeks.

Mabel sighed. 'Really? He was really in to you for a while. You should go for it; you guys would be adorable together.'

'I mean, I'm sure he's over it by now.' Pacifica said, trying to sound dismissive. 'Plus, it'd never work out.'

'Please.' Mabel rolled her eyes. 'Dipper's one to carry a torch, believe me. And why would you say it'd never work out? The more I think about it, the more I think you guys would work out pretty well together.'

'No, that's not what I mean... I mean, my parents... you know how they are.' She turned away again, to stare anywhere that wasn't Mabel.

'Since when do you care what your parents think? You're grasping at straws, Pax.' Mabel scooted closer to Pacifica. 'Plus, if you look at it right, you could probably get your parents on board.' Mabel was grinning now.

Pacifica snapped back to looking at Mabel. 'How do you mean,' she said cautiously.

'Oh come on, Pax, he's a friggin' genius. With proper financial support, he could be like... Tony Stark meets Dr. Strange.'

Pacifica stared for a moment, but soon her expression softened. 'You know, he does look a little like Benedict Cumberbatch.' She smiled, 'Alright, I'm listening.'

'Bout time, girl, you might have missed him otherwise. You're not the only one with your eyes on him.'

Pacifica's eyes narrowed, 'What?'

'C'mon, Pax. He's not the awkward nerd he used to be.'

Pacifica quirked an eyebrow.

'Okay, so he's the same nerd, but nerdy is cool now. Get on the ball, kid.'

* * *

Dipper was exhausted when he came in the door. The seminar on the Inuit Shamanic Rituals and Languages had been fascinating, but he was glad to be home. He hung up his coat just inside the door, and called out to let Mabel know he was home, then headed for the kitchen. He was surprised to see Pacifica at the kitchen table, beer in one hand, magazine in the other.

'Uh... Hi... Pacifica.'

'Pax.' She corrected.

'Pax, right.' He smiled.

Pacifica raised an eyebrow, but smiled back. The silence dragged on for a moment. Dipper reached back and scratched his head.

'So, uh... what's up?' Dipper said, moving towards the fridge to get a beer for himself.

'Was helping Mabel with some gardening today. She's getting cleaned up. How was your trip?'

Dipper was momentarily surprised that Pacifica knew anything about it. He didn't see her all that often, and hadn't really told anyone about the weekend seminar in Paulatuk, except Mabel. He didn't know that many people who were interested in obscure occult practices.

'It was... uh, pretty neat.' Dipper still felt somewhat guarded around Pacifica. She was a friend, sure, had even been a pretty good one at one point, but he got the feeling he made her uncomfortable sometimes. There was also the trip to Franz Josef Land, he had enjoyed seeing Makar again, and getting the drake back to its own habitat had been a relief, but Pacifica hadn't been the girl he remembered from his trips to Gravity Falls in middle and high school. She seemed... quieter. It was unnatural.

'Hey, Dipper.' He looked up, for a moment, Pacifica looked uncomfortable again. 'I'm putting on a charity event for the Historical Society at the Manor on Pioneer Day, Mabel will be there, and Candy, but I was hoping you could come as well.'

Dipper was momentarily taken aback, he wasn't really one for formal parties.

'I... uh, well, uh, thanks, Pax, but, uh, your kind of parties, they're not really my thing and,' Dipper scratched the back of his head, and looked away from Pacifica hoping his face wouldn't betray his nervous excuses. 'Y'know, it's not really the kind of people I hang out with, I'd hate to be a bother.'

Pacifica's face darkened. 'What, you think you're too good to hang out with a bunch of rich SNOBS? Is that it?' She said quietly.

Dipper's eyes bulged and he waved his hands in front of him. 'No! No, not at all, I just don't think I'd really fit in with your crowd.'

'My crowd?' Pacifica said, advancing on Dipper like a predator stalking its prey. 'This about brains, Pines? Think you're too smart for the valley girl blonde and her party friends?' She had made it all the way across the room and cornered Dipper by the fridge. 'You listen to me, Pines,' she said, pulling him down by the front of his shirt so that they were nose to nose.

'Fine! Fine! I'll go to the party!' Dipper said, yanking his head back. Pacifica released him as soon as he agreed, and in trying to back up, Dipper smacked his head in to an open cabinet door behind him.

'Shit that hurts.' Dipper said rubbing his head.

Pacifica laughed, back to being as friendly as she was when he walked in.

'It's a period party, Dipper, so wear a costume.' She said, smiling as she walked out the door. 'See you around, Pines.'


	15. Alone Time

The day was not going well for Dipper. He had been good, hadn't had anything to drink all afternoon. The morning had been spent trying to sleep through the day, pretending it wasn't actually today. It was hard, though, especially since Mabel would be working all day and he was by himself. Ford and Ley's birthday had become just another reminder of how he hadn't been there for them.

Dipper was sitting on the couch, staring at his open text books, but unable to do any work. He had already gone through every form he could think of, and while he was exhausted, his mind was still filled with thoughts of self loathing and pain over the death of his mentors. He'd been sloppy, too, rushing through his movements, grasping for just a little of that inner peace.

Dipper looked over at the cabinet where he knew there was half a bottle of Scotch. He knew that the alcohol wouldn't actually make him feel better, wouldn't actually numb the pain of his Grunkles' deaths, but at least he could black out for the rest of the night. It would be hard getting to sleep anyway, he rationalized. He hadn't even realized he had gotten up and walked to the cabinet, but in that thought, his hand was already on the knob.

In a moment of hesitation, Dipper was suddenly distracted by the sound of a gunshot. Thirty caliber; too close. The Shack was on a plot of maybe thirty acres, but the area behind it was all National Forest, and hunting season wouldn't start for another couple months. The only poacher Dipper had encountered since getting back to Gravity Falls was the one hunting imported cryptids, which both disgusted and enraged Dipper.

As Dipper grabbed his sword on the way out the door, he silently hoped that whatever his poacher was hunting, it was less dangerous than the last two creatures he had encountered while chasing him.

* * *

The forest was quiet. Dipper had explored the woods for years, and often by himself, but the silence made him uncomfortable. He couldn't help but wonder what fantastic creature could be causing the animals to hide this time.

Dipper stopped, listening. He needed to find the hunter. What he was doing was obscene, and Dipper worried that such a person might stumble upon some of the creatures who he had befriended in the woods surrounding his home.

Another shot rang out, echoing in the woods. Dipper paused until he was certain of the direction that it came from, and then set off at a jog.

Dipper's mind was disengaged from his body; he was focused on the forest. He had to reach the hunter before the hunter knew he was there. Dipper was certain that whoever it was would have figured out by this time that his activities were no secret, and given the persons penchant for destruction, Dipper doubted that he would have any problems putting a bullet in Dipper's skull to keep from being discovered.

Suddenly Dipper became aware of the sound of something... something large, crashing through the forest ahead of him, headed away from the sound of gunfire, and directly for Dipper.

Dipper looked for something to hide behind, but too late, a beast, grey and furry with dark spots leaped directly in to Dipper's path.

A werecat. Of course.

Dipper jumped back, only narrowly avoiding the beast's claws as it struck as soon as it landed. Getting a better look at it, Dipper could see that it was already injured; blood matted the fur on its neck. Dipper gasped. Seeing it in the light, finally, he could see it for what it truly was. The light grey fur and black spots, coupled with a white underbelly- it was unmistakable. A werecat, but more specifically a Clouded Leopard.

Dipper wasn't sure such a thing had ever been recorded. Clouded Leopards would certainly be susceptible to lycanthropy, but with their low numbers, and how shy they were, this was extremely unlikely. Even if one did contract the disease, to then pass it on to a human would require interaction between the cat and human which was equally unlikely. Humans were too big to be prey, and generally to loud and stupid to catch a Clouded Leopard unaware.

This was not, however, helping Dipper in the moment.

The werecat swiped at Dipper, three inch claws protruding from paw-like hands the size of catcher's mitts. Even if the claws were retracted, the mass of those hands, and the force behind them, would likely burst his skull like an over ripe melon.

Dipper ducked a swing, then redirected another. He planned to move around the beast and continue towards the hunter, hoping that it would rather run from its enemy than attack Dipper.

Dipper smacked another swipe down, narrowly avoiding having his face removed, then unsheathed his sword. He hoped to create some distance between himself and the werecat, and while the tangle of branches made the sword more cumbersome than Dipper anticipated, for a moment Dipper's plan worked. For one moment, Dipper's focus shifted from the werecat to his footing, just as the beast broke his guard. Suddenly he was off balance, leaning too far backwards; Dipper dropped his sword, arms windmilling as he tumbled towards the leaf litter. Too late, Dipper saw that the next swing would connect. The force of the blow to his side was so powerful that Dipper crashed in to a tree; he was certain he heard his ribs crack. Dipper said a short prayer that the werecat was more scared than hungry before passing out from the pain.

* * *

Mercifully, Dipper woke up.

'Or not,' He muttered, trying and failing to pull himself upright. It hurt to breathe. His mouth was dry, but Dipper worked up enough saliva to spit- no blood, so no punctured lung. He might live.

Gently, Dipper pulled back his jacket. The claws had made it all the way through, leaving blood soaked tears in his shirt.

'Shit.' He hissed, gingerly returning his jacket to its original position. Getting back to the Shack was going to be difficult; Dipper didn't think he'd make it before dark... if he made it at all.

Dipper took a few quick, shallow breaths, and looked around for something to hoist himself up with. His sword was a few yards away at the base of another tree, and it looked as though that was closest thing he could use as a crutch. Gently, Dipper lowered himself on to his back, trying to avoid putting weight on either side of his body, but even so, the pain was so intense Dipper threw up. Still heaving, Dipper began pushing himself over to his sword with his legs.

888

It was difficult to remain focused. The pain was excruciating; every step jarred his ribs and his shirt and jacket rubbed against the gouges in his chest. He wanted to lie down and sleep, and he felt dizzy. Probably a concussion.

One step at a time, mainly out of stubbornness, Dipper dragged himself through the woods. There was no way he was going to call Mabel to come drag him out; she'd never let him live it down.

The walk seemed to take hours, and it was well past dark by the time he made it to the Shack. He was soaked in sweat, freezing, and beginning to hallucinate.

'Mabel!' Dipper did his best to call for help, though it came out as more of a rasp.

'MABEL!' He tried again, loud enough this time to wrack his body with pain. After a moment, the back light came on, and Mabel came running out the back door and down to Dipper.

'Ohmygosh! Dipper! What did you do?!' She grabbed him by the elbows to hold him up, causing Dipper wince.

'Oh, y'know, the usual.' Dipper said through gritted teeth. 'Prob'ly gonna need stitches. Also maybe some broken ribs.'

'God DAMN it, Dipper! C'mon. Let's get you inside.' Mabel helped hold Dipper on one side, while he continued to use his sword as a crutch on the other, and they hobbled inside.

* * *

'Damn it, Dipper. What were you thinking?'

Dipper was lying on the couch, supported by a few pillows so that he could rest comfortably while Mabel gently stitched the gashes on his side; something she had far more experience with than she would have liked. Emergency surgery was something the younger Pines twins had learned from their Grunkles during more troubled times.

'That it couldn't wait for someone else to show up? I'm just hoping that it can hold its own til the morning.'

'What do you mean "til the morning"? You're not going ANYWHERE. You're lucky you don't have a punctured lung. You could have DIED Dipper.'

'And I didn't, and someone HAS to. You know what's going to happen if I don't.'

'Send someone else, Dipper, send your students; you're going to get yourself killed!'

'I'll get THEM killed if I sent them; they're not ready.' Dipper frowned. 'They're so far from ready. I don't know that anyone else here could deal with it. I could barely deal with it.'

'Don't kid yourself. You couldn't deal with it. This isn't dealing with it. Promise me you won't go looking for it by yourself?'

'Mabel, I can barely walk. Getting off this couch is going to be nearly impossible.'

'Promise me.' Mabel held Dipper's gaze until he relented.

'Fine! Fine, I promise.'

'Thank you, Dipper.'

'Sure.' He paused, watching Mabel rub in the ointment that would prevent him from contracting lycanthropy. 'Thanks, sis.'

Mabel looked up at Dipper, concern in her eyes. 'You're welcome... dumbass.'


	16. Handling It

Dipper awoke to more extraordinary pain.

'Fuck that hurts.' He muttered, looking down at the clean bandages. Mabel must have changed them this morning. He had been on so many pain killers, he didn't even notice. He groped on the table behind him for his phone; three PM, and a text from Mabel.

'Double at the diner. Soup's in the fridge.'

He was starving, but getting to the fridge was a struggle. Mabel had indeed made him soup; Chicken and Stars with vegetables from the garden. Dipper smiled, their mother always made them Chicken and Stars when they were sick.

Dipper added some opium powder to his soup; something to ease the pain that wracked his entire body. He then made some herbal tea to increase the rate of healing and put it in a water bottle, dressed, buckled on Ford's blaster, and found himself a decent walking stick. He needed to find the werecat before the hunter did, promises be damned.

* * *

It didn't take Dipper long to find the werecat. It was dead.

The body had returned to its original form, a broad shouldered man. Or at least Dipper thought it was a man; it was difficult to tell, as it had been skinned. Likely while still in werecat form, since the only gunshot wounds would not have been initially fatal. It would need to be alive for the hunter to get a complete pelt, anyway. The hands and feet had been staked to the ground to keep the beast... the man, still.

He had skinned it alive. Some of the teeth had been pulled too, souvenirs further illustrating the monstrous nature of humans.

It had been difficult not to vomit when Dipper found the carcass, but rage won out against nausea as Dipper stared at the corpse, wondering how he could catch the hunter.

Dipper returned to the Shack, filled with rage and disgust, both at the hunter for his monstrous behavior, and at himself for failing. Again.

* * *

Dipper was drunk. The mixture of the opium and Scotch made him forget about the pain in his side. It also made him decide that, for the sake of his sanity, he needed to leave the Shack. Between the pain of his Grunkles' birthday and the self-loathing from failing to protect the werecat, he needed to be somewhere else. And drunk.

Dipper sloshed the bottle of Scotch, there was still about a quarter of the bottle left. More than enough to keep him drunk for the rest of the evening.

He was somewhere on the road in to town. He debated going to see Mabel, but decided he really wanted to be alone, and eventually found himself in the park, sitting on a picnic table and staring into space. For some time, Dipper stared in the direction of the distant mountains, and the stars above them, lost in thought and self-pity.

After some time, Dipper began to hear voices coming from the direction of Main Street, behind him. Drunken laughter and fumbling footsteps.

'Look at this bum!' One of them shouted; the voice sounded vaguely familiar to him.

'Hey BUM!' Another shouted, 'What are you doing in OUR PARK?'

Dipper tried to ignore them. Perhaps they would go away.

'Hey! HEY!' The voice was right behind him now, yelling directly into his ear. Dipper sighed, and turned around.

Ahh, he knew the voice sounded familiar. It was the student who'd been picking on Ethan, and his cronies. Fucking vultures.

'Well LOOK who it is! It's the fucking FAGGOT lover from school!' The largest looked back to his sniggering friends. 'No one here to run to NOW is there, fag lover?'

'Go away kid. You don't want to do this.' Dipper slurred.

'Oh, well LOOK at YOU! Drunk as a skunk! Some influence you are, Mr. Professor!' He was too loud; too grating for Dipper to listen to as long as he was so intoxicated.

'Listen, children, I've had a long and difficult couple of days, and you are making it more so. So how about you and your noxious little friends go... do... whatever idiots like you do.' Dipper gestured vaguely in the direction of the students.

For a moment, they just stared at Dipper, then he began to laugh.

'Oh, you're hilarious, old man. You know what we do? We teach fags and fag lovers like you what's what. Time for your lesson, bitch.' He said, pushing Dipper's shoulder.

It hurt, but Dipper moved with the shove, using the momentum generated by the attack to move off the bench and in to the student's personal space. Then he smacked him upside the head.

'You're making a mistake, kid. You really don't want to do this.'

'You BITCH!' The boy said, 'I'm gonna fuck you up for this!' He fumbled in his pocket, and eventually pulled out a switchblade, which he opened and brandished at Dipper.

'Chris, Kyle. Let's make sure this faggot doesn't show his face at school again.' He smiled as his friends closed ranks. 'Any last words, bitch?'

Dipper smiled, and brandished his scotch bottle.

'May thy knife chip and shatter.'

'Wha-' Dipper barely registered the look of stupefied horror on the student's face as he stepped in to his circle, elbowing his knife arm out of the way as he brought the scotch bottle across his face with the force of a baseball bat. There was a sickening crunch of cartilage and teeth and glass, but Dipper was already moving behind him to kick one of the two minions in the knee; he folded in to a writhing heap on the ground. Dipper turned to the last of his attackers, who, beer in hand, was trying to get behind Dipper.

'Good night!' Dipper said, smiling, as he kicked him in the groin. He also collapsed, vomiting.

Dipper walked back to the first of his attackers, the large student who lead them, and rooted around in his pockets for a phone. Finding it he dialed 9-1-1.

'You're gonna listen reeaal close.' Dipper slurred. He wasn't completely certain the boy was even conscious. He was bleeding from his mouth and nose, and moaning unintelligibly.

'If I ever catch you, or your friends, or anyone who even just reminds me of you, anywhere near my students. Or any other student. Being this kind of jack ass, you will not make it to the hospital. Understand?'

The boy continued to moan, without indicating whether or not he understood Dipper. Dipper grabbed his broken nose, flat against the left side of his face, and wrenched it back in to place. The boy screamed.

'Do you understand?' Dipper repeated.

'Yes! Yes! Oh my God! There's blood everywhere! Please don't kill me!' He began to sob.

'Shh! Shh.' Dipper said. 'There's an ambulance on its way. You'll be fine, assuming you're not underage for all that booze you got in you. Or on anything else for that matter.' Dipper laughed as the boy whimpered.

'I'll stay til they show up, then you're on your own.' He then leaned closer. 'I trust we won't have to have this conversation again?'

The boy just whimpered. A dispatcher finally picked up.

'9-1-1, what is your emergency?'

'Yeah, I'd like to report a couple drunk kids who were fighting in the park? You might need to send an ambulance, they look pretty beat up.'

'Are they breathing?'

'Yeah, but they're not upright.'

'Can I get your name, sir?'

Dipper hung up, then wiped down the phone, and dropped it. He stumbled towards the road, and sat in a ditch on the far side until the lights of the authorities arrived, then Dipper started down the road.

* * *

Dipper was really drunk. He had forgotten about the opium he put in his soup earlier, and he was beginning to feel feverish again. The temporary exertion of beating up children had caused him to start sweating, and in the cool of the evening, it soaked his shirt and clung to him wet and uncomfortable.

The road swam in front of him.

'I should... really... sit down.' Dipper said to no one in particular. Stumbling, he barely caught himself on his hands and knees just before crashing in to the road, and vomited. Everything was spinning, and he was so tired...

Dipper lay down in the street, were those headlights? He passed out before being sure.


	17. A Day in the Life

Pacifica awoke before her alarm, stretched, and got out of bed to turn it off before it began with that horrible buzzer. Horrible, but effective. She walked around her enormous, four poster bed to stare out the equally enormous picture window. It was half past four, and the sky was just beginning to get lighter.

Pacifica only watched for a moment, before turning back to her room. She changed from her comfortable pajamas into biking shorts and a sports bra, pulled on some running shoes, and headed downstairs.

She had to cut her run short today, there were a few deals she needed to work on, and with her parents in Monaco, the job fell to her. Really, she appreciated the opportunity to assert control over the companies which would one day be hers anyway, but the individuals she'd had to interact with lately had been especially draining.

Pacifica stopped in the front yard to stretch a little before taking the stairs two at a time up to her room to shower and change.

Clean, refreshed, and dressed for work, Pacifica checked her emails on her phone while she ate breakfast; waffles, fresh fruit, and an egg white omlette, delivered with fresh squeezed tangerine juice.

'Garbage, garbage, no way, garbage...' Pacifica quickly worked her way through emails, many of which were irrelavant. 'Oh, Mom and Dad...'

Pacifica quickly read through the dictated email, explaining that she would be attending a dinner tonight with the son of a friend of Preston's.

Pacifica sighed. As the sole heiress of the Northwest fortune, her parents often set up dinner dates with 'acceptable young men' in hopes that one of them would end up marrying her, solidifying ancient relationship with another rich family. At least she wasn't related to this one.

The email explained that a dress had been picked out for her already, and would be ready for her that afternoon. Pacifica dreaded wearing the revealing styles her mother picked out for these dinners, but she conducted 'exit interviews' with all the potential suitors, in part to make sure that Pacifica had worn her assigned outfit.

So much for being a liberated woman.

* * *

More emails, a conference call with a mining company, an hour long conversation with her stock advisor about China, and then another hour long conversation with her parents' stock broker about Angola. Then fencing at eleven, before a lunch of mostly fruit and yogurt, and a massage.

The dress arrived at three. It was a deep blue, but far more revealing than Pacifica liked. Her mother had very specific ideas as to how these dinners were supposed to go, and that road ended with grandchildren. As of yet, all of the potential suitors had been equally disappointing. Pacifica had few illusions about the necessity of ending up with a partner who was useful, but it seemed like everyone who her parents approved of ended being a terrible human being. Not that this necessarily surprised her; she had mostly come to terms with how her family was. She still intended to make up for the sins she saw in her family's history, but her parents were, for the most part, a lost cause. They tolerated her crusade to save the world, and she ignored the way they casually destroyed it. Arriving at this detente had not been a smooth process, and even still there were times when she barely spoke to her parents for months, despite living in the same house. One of the benefits of having such an extensive staff.

Pacifica returned the dress to the door, and headed back to her office.

* * *

Five PM came sooner than Pacifica would have liked; she had very little interest in meeting this 'Cristian' character that her mother had set her up with. He was the son and heir to a Swedish oil tycoon who owned a number of wells in the North Sea, and was hoping to do some exploration in the Arctic in the near future. He was notoriously full of himself in a social strata where being full of yourself was expected, and on his fifth marriage. Pacifica was sure that his son would be much the same, but it wasn't worth arguing with her mother, and she could generally convince her dates that there was no way without too much effort.

'Eugh.' Pacifica made a face as she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress was nice, of course, and fit her perfectly, but it was a little revealing for a first date. It frustrated Pacifica that she was so often a pawn in her parents' business transactions; just another asset to negotiate with.

Pacifica turned in front of the mirror, wishing she was wearing something which would allow for flats, something slightly less formal... or revealing. At this point she knew she was just stalling.

Sighing, she put on her heels and headed down to the car.

* * *

Pacifica stared out the window as she was driven to the restaurant. Her parents had reserved a room for them at a local Sushi restaurant; Cristian was apparently a fan of Japanese culture. They had also paid to have the freshest available ingredients shipped in for the purpose of their 'date', and brought in a master Sushi Chef from San Francisco. A phenomenal waste of money considering she had already written him off.

Arriving at the restaurant, Pacifica stepped out of the car before the driver had the opportunity to open the door for her, much to his chagrin, adjusted the fur on her shoulders, and walked in to the restaurant.

He wasn't waiting for her when she walked inside. Pacifica frowned, normally the men her mother set her up with had a little more sense. Pacifica wondered if he thought the Northwest's would be getting the better deal with such a match. Regardless, if she wasn't convinced that this was a waste of time before, she certainly was now.

The host greeted Pacifica as though she were the owner of the restaurant, thanking her for being there, and leading her to the private dining room where they would be eating. Cristian was indeed already there, some appetizers and a small bottle of Sake on the table in front of him. He hadn't even bothered to wait for her arrival.

Eugh.

He was likewise momentarily distracted by a pretty young waitress who was taking care of the table. Pacifica cleared her throat, and Cristian glanced in her direction before standing.

'Pacifica!' He said smiling broadly and opening his arms in a welcoming gesture. He was tall, with broad shoulders; bright blue eyes and hair almost as light in color as Pacifica's own. He looked like a Viking, minus the beard, and in a navy blue suit rather than mail, but definitely intimidating. The waitress, forgotten, rushed to finish cleaning and fled the room. 'It is so good to finally meet you!' He said, coming closer with the intention of kissing her cheeks. Frustrated and disappointed with his manners so far, Pacifica merely extended her hand. Faltering slightly, he took it in both hands and leaned over to kiss it lightly.

He laughed too loud, especially at his own jokes, and stared too long at the various waitresses who came through their room. Most of what he said was really just thinly veiled bragging about money or his manly prowess, whether through hunting or athletics. None of this particularly impressed Pacifica, and it made her uncomfortable the way he kept insisting she drink more sake; he had certainly had more than enough himself, and his conversation had become slightly more forward than Pacifica appreciated. Clearly he thought that dinner would not be the end of their evening together.

It was after the third time he had reached across the table to grasp Pacifica's hand and stare deeply in to her eyes to tell her of her beauty that she decided she had had quite enough.

'Cristian, truly, this evening has been an experience and I'm pleased to have made your acquaintance, but the night is dragging on and I have a long day with an early start tomorrow.' She smiled, standing and retrieving her hand from his grip. He looked stupefied, and it took a great deal of effort not to roll her eyes at him.

Cristian stammered, trying to recover from what seemed to him to be an abrupt change to the course of the evening. He stood, and did his best to make a formal goodbye, congratulating himself silently and he bowed slightly, reaching for her hand again. Pacific let him take it, and he bowed to kiss it again, attempting to maintain eye contact the whole time. This time, Pacifica did roll her eyes.

'I've taken care of the bill already, though you may stay if you wish, you did seem to be enjoying yourself before I arrived.' Pacifica added, throwing perhaps a touch too much venom in to the last barb. It served him right, however. It was rare that anyone was so rude to her on an arranged date, or so blatantly interested in little more than her body. Or really just any woman's body, considering his treatment of the staff.

Disgusting.

The car was waiting for her before she made it to the front door, this time with the driver waiting to open her door as she arrived.

The ride back to the manor was as quiet as the drive down to town, and Pacifica spent her time staring out the window, lost in thought. She wondered what could possibly cause her mother to think that Cristian would be a good match, she wasn't a complete idiot, and was far too clever to set her up with a known womanizer unless there was a very good reason. Did his family have the upper hand in some negotiation? Did the Northwests owe them? Both of these things were unlikely, her father prided himself on staying out of debts, and not entering negotiations where he didn't have the upper hand.

Pacifica was disturbed from her reverie as the car began to slow. They were still a good half hour from the manor, and out on the highway with nothing in any direction for miles.

'Johnathan?' Pacifica called to the front seat, 'Is everything alright?'

'Yes Miss, but it appears there is someone lying in the road, I thought it best to stop and see if he was still alive. Perhaps alert the authorities. Would you rather continue on?'

Pacifica, however, was staring at the body of the young man lying face down in the street.

'Oh God.' She breathed, 'I think that's Dipper.'

In a flash, Pacifica was out of the car, running barefoot up to her friend in the road. He looked pretty beat up. Oh, and drunk, if the empty scotch bottle was any evidence.

'You idiot.' She whispered. Turning him over she could feel that he was running a fever, concern turned to panic as she saw that his shirt had been soaked in blood on one side. 'Johnathan! Johnathan hurry! We have to get him out of here!' She screamed, trying to lift him by the shoulders, heedless of the blood and vomit she got on her dress.

'JOHNATHAN!' She screamed again, as he arrived with blanket from the trunk.

'Sorry Miss, thought it best if we got him wrapped up. Let me carry him.'

Johnathan carried Dipper back to the car, placing him in the back seat, as Pacifica got herself settled up front. She looked back as Johnathan arranged him so that he wouldn't move for the rest of the car trip and then got back in to the driver's seat.

'Where to, Miss?'

'Back to the Manor, I'll get our home care doctor to take care of him.' She said, watching Dipper nervously.


	18. Healing

Gradually Dipper became aware of his surroundings.

First, he noticed the warmth and softness of his surroundings. Then a blindingly painful headache. He winced, sucking air in over his teeth.

'Oh, you're awake.' He heard. The voice was feminine, and sounded bored.

'Am I dead?'

'No, but you probably should be.' He recognized the voice, but the ambient light in the room was still so bright that he didn't want to open his eyes, and he was quickly becoming aware that his entire body ached like he'd spent the last few days being beaten in a third world prison.

'Where am I?'

'You're at the Northwest manor. I've been having the family doctor take care of you.'

'Pacifica?' Dipper tried to open his eyes, vaguely he could make out that the room was a sort of pastel blue, and there was some machinery whirring softly next to the bed.

'How long have I been out?' He asked, trying to remember what he was doing that landed him... here. 'How did I get here?'

'Go back to sleep, Dipper. I'm going to call your sister, she's been in and out a lot; she'll want to see you.'

Dipper faded back in to unconsciousness as the door closed.

* * *

Awake again, Dipper stared at the ceiling. Everything hurt, and to add insult to injury, his side itched like he had fire ants inside of his bandages, but even moving in the direction of scratching caused such agony that Dipper couldn't imagine actually touching the site of his injuries.

The door closed with a bang; the sudden noise causing Dipper's head to ring with a fresh wave of pain.

'Good morning, Sunshine!' Pacifica said, at a volume that barely escaped being classified as yelling. 'Do you have any idea what you're doing here?'

'Not... really?' Dipper said in confusion.

'I found you passed out in the middle of the street on Thursday night, miles from anything resembling civilization. Care to tell me how you got there?' She sounded too pleasant, manic even. Suddenly, it dawned on Dipper that he was in trouble.

'I don't... actually know.'

'You were drunk, Dipper. Passed out drunk. And sick. With wounds in your side that made it look like you'd been fighting tigers in your free time. What the hell happened Dipper?'

Dipper turned his head away, the mix of fury and concern painted on her face made him feel... embarrassed? Like he had really let her down. He didn't like seeing her like that.

'I... don't want to talk about it.' It was better that she didn't know about the hunter. His stomach churned at the thought of the skinned corpse in the woods, its limbs pinned to the ground.

The moment stretched on in silence, and Dipper turned to look at Pacifica again. She was studying him, but the concern that he had seen was gone, leaving only anger.

'That's the best you've got? Damn it, Dipper! Do you have any idea how upset your sister is? She was losing her mind when I found you, and it's been three days!'

'At least I didn't miss work.' Dipper muttered.

'Are you INSANE?! Do I need to have you committed? I can do that, you know, and I wouldn't even need to pull any strings. You had opium in your system, Dipper. It would take no effort for me to get you on court mandated drug and alcohol rehab. Is that what you want?'

Dipper Paled. 'You wouldn't.' He really hoped she wouldn't.

'You're damn right I would. I've seen firsthand what that kind of shit will do to you. Opium, Dipper? Really? You fucked up big time. I shouldn't have to give this speech to you, but Mabel is my best friend, Dipper, and this isn't the first time you've been this kind of stupid. Don't push me.'

'You don't under-'

'Don't give me that crap, Dipper. I live in this town too. I'm not a complete idiot, and I know all about your little escapades. You need to get your shit together, Dipper. Just- just put it in a bag and take it somewhere, sell it at the shit store, whatever! Just get it together! Ugh! I can't deal with this. Talk to your sister!' Pacifica stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Pacifica's last outburst confused Dipper. He had known that Pacifica and Mabel were close, but hadn't really been expecting... this; anything like this. He didn't know what to make of it.

Dipper was still staring at the door when Mabel walked in. She was much more subdued than Pacifica had been, and wearing one of her 'comfort sweaters', an old red one that Ford used to wear. She looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep; it must have been worse than he thought.

'Hey Sis.' Dipper said, softly.

'Hey idiot.' She replied. 'What happened?'

'I found the werecat.' Dipper said quietly, sick rising in his stomach at the memory of that little clearing in the woods.

'He was flayed alive.'

* * *

Pacifica was sitting on the floor in the hall when Mabel came out a few minutes later.

'You heard?' Mabel asked. Pacifica only nodded. 'He's had a rough week, especially with, y'know, the birthdays.' Pacifica nodded again. 'You okay?' Mabel asked. Her friend didn't look okay; seated next to the door, she held her knees up to her chest, hiding all but her eyes, which were bloodshot. From crying or lack of sleep, Mabel wasn't sure.

'He had opium in his system.' Pacifica said quietly.

Mabel sighed. 'Yeah, I imagine he did.'

Pacifica looked up at Mabel, a ferocity in her face that Mabel knew was warranted.

'You KNEW? You didn't tell me he had a drug addiction! And Heroin, Mabel? You know I've seen what that does to people! Why didn't you say something!'

'Well, he's not an addict, for one, he mixes his own anesthesia. Doesn't trust doctors to do it for him. And it's opium, not heroin. That's been a thing since... Macau, I think. So, five years, I guess. It's never been a problem in the past, but then, I haven't really seen him a few years. I didn't know how bad he'd take being back.' Mabel shrugged, sitting down next to her friend. 'I don't know though. I doubt he did well on his own, either. He's pretty reckless.'

'He's got a lot of scars.' Pacifica said, sinking back behind her knees.

'Yeah. Not the first time he's tangled with a Lycan. Or a big cat, for that matter.'

'Some Iron Man.' Pacifica muttered.

'To be fair, Tony Stark has drug problems and a death wish, haven't you seen the movies? It's only Pepper Potts that gets him to act like an adult.'

'And what, you want me to be his Assistant? Hmm? Who he fucks on the side sometimes?' Pacifica's eyes flashed at the notion.

'Well, if it's what you want,' Mabel shrugged. 'But I was more interested in you just being you. Someone who he has respect for, who doesn't take his shit; he needs good friends, Pax.'

'He respects you.'

'Yeah, but I'm his sister. The respect he has for me does not necessarily include listening to me. Sure, he'll tell me things he tells no one else, but he also occasionally puts ink in my showerhead.'

'What?' Pacifica looked up, confused.

'It's... a twin thing. Pranks are part of life. Look, my point is go easy on him, he needs all the help he can get, okay? And honestly, with the drinking, I'm gonna need some help too.'

'I'll think about it.'

* * *

Between his stubborn refusal to stay in bed and the best medicine money can buy, Dipper was on his feet in a matter of days. Back at the Shack, he found himself too sick at the thought of drinking to touch anything remotely alcoholic, and with a burning desire to do something about the hunter; so he threw himself in to whatever task would lend itself to this aim.

This afternoon, Dipper was upgrading the jeep with Titanium based parts for the engine and chassis. With Soos' guidance, Dipper was lying on a borrowed creeper, most of the way under the front of the car.

'Soos!' Dipper cried. 'Are you sure you read that right? It's not going to collapse on me if I take this off?'

'Dude, you got this. Don't worry about the book.'

'Soos, that's really not comforting, can you please check the book?'

'Don't you believe me, dude? I know this jeep, dude, and I know you got this. Just relax.'

'Alright. Okay. I got this.' Dipper took a deep breath and continued to remove the pieces they had marked for replacing. Soos returned to texting Melody about dinner plans, and as such, did not see Pacifica approach their work area.

'Shhh,' Pacifica motioned with her finger to her lips after startling Soos from his conversation.

'You go take care of whatever you're doing, I'll look out for Dipper.' She whispered, making a shooing motion, and with a thumbs up and wink, Soos headed towards the Shack.

'Soos! Can you hand me the five sixteenths socket?' Dipper shouted, rolling back just enough to stick his hand out. Pacifica walked over to the jeep, and for a moment, just stared and Dipper's grease covered hands and pants.

'Back to work so soon, Dipper? I thought you were supposed to take it easy for a couple weeks.'

'Pacifica!' Dipper shouted, a note of panic in his voice as he attempted to sit up while still underneath the jeep, bashing his head into the axel. 'Fuck! Oww!'

Pacifica snickered, but stepped back as Dipper rolled himself out.

'Where'd Soos go?' He asked, rubbing his forehead and leaving a smear of grease across his face.

Pacifica snorted, then began to laugh as Dipper looked to her in confusion. 'What?'

'Your- Haha! Your FACE!' She continued to laugh for a moment as Dipper stared open mouthed. Looking down at his grease covered hands he realized what must have happened.

'Oh.' He said, climbing up from the creeper. Had she not been looking for it, Pacifica would not have noticed the way Dipper used the jeep to both stand up and, for a few steps, just to hold himself upright. He winced as he took his first step without support, but caught himself before saying anything as he walked over towards a folding table which had, among other things, a rag with a gentle solvent on it.

Cleaning his face, Dipper looked over towards Pacifica who was following slowly, still smiling at how ridiculous Dipper looked in ratty, grease stained clothes.

'So, uh, what's up, Pacif- Pax?'

'Ahh, y'know, wanted to make sure you're still alive. That gel we used for your werecat wounds isn't cheap. Hasn't even been approved for human use yet, and that makes it somewhat difficult to acquire as well.'

Dipper's eyes widened. 'Wait, what?'

Pacifica laughed. 'Don't worry Dipper, it's only because my Dad's leaning on them to sell him a controlling interest in the company.' Dipper's face quickly changed from shock to horror. 'Don't look at me like that Dipper! It's horribly mismanaged, and they have no plans for distribution. If we don't do it, someone else will; the kind of potential from a lab like that is tremendous.'

For a moment, Dipper thought he might have seen something nervous in Pacifica's face, that perhaps she was saying too much, too quickly.

'And speaking of potential, I'm here to check on an investment. It would upset me if I spent all that money making sure you didn't die of fever or alcohol poisoning, only to have you die of stupidity a week later. Daddy would be so disappointed if I started making bad investments.'

'Look, Pacifica.'

'Pax.'

'Pax, I'm really sorry about that; I was dumb, and then I was rude and dumb. Thank you for literally saving my life. I owe you. A lot.'

Pacifica sighed. 'Dipper, it's... well, it's not okay, but I kinda get it. Mabel told me about the werecat thing-'

Dipper paled.

'It really sucks that you had to see that. I forgot about it being your Grunkle's birthday, too. You've had a rough week.'

'Look, Pacifica, I-'

'But so help me God, Dipper,' Pacifica rounded on Dipper, causing him to stumble backwards in surprise. 'If I find you drunk in the middle of the road again, I will leave you for the wolves.' Raising her finger to poke him accusingly in the chest, she continued 'And iIf you get drunk at my PARTY, I will kill you myself. Are we clear?'

Dipper stared. Pacifica looked angry enough to do just that.

'Su-sure thing, Pax.' Dipper smiled hopefully.

'Great!' She beamed. 'So, what are you working on?'

'I'm, uh, I'm...' For a moment, Dipper was struck speechless by how incomprehensible women could be.

Pacifica quirked an eyebrow at Dipper's speechlessness.

'I'm upgrading the jeep.' Dipper said at last. 'Waterproofing, replacing stuff with lighter, more durable alternatives. Using a lot of titanium.' Dipper winced. 'I've used up most of the scrap from Ford's lab doing it. It's hard to get it in bulk, not to mention expensive.'

'Sounds fascinating.' Pacifica seemed generally interested, and Dipper smiled. 'What happened in Macau?'

Dipper's mouth fell open, horror painted across his face.

'Did Mabel tell you about it?' Dipper hissed. 'She promised she wouldn't tell anyone! Damn it, Mabel!'

Confused at the combination of fear and anger at the mere mention of the Las Vegas type playground of the East, Pacifica did her best to back track.

'Whoa, Dipper, relax. She didn't tell me anything, except that you had some stuff happen there which made you suspicious of anesthesia. You alright?'

'That's it? You're sure?' Dipper looked nervous.

'Yeah, no worries Dipper, I didn't realize it was a big deal. Sorry.'

For a moment, they both stared awkwardly at the ground, but soon, Pacifica was grinning again.

'So, what about the tattoos?'

Dipper blushed, then grinned.

'Depends, how many did you see while I was under?'

Now it was Pacifica's turn to blush.


	19. Teachers and Students

'So. Ethan had some trouble between classes last week.'

Ethan, Mark, and Gina sat in the grass beside the Shack for Dipper's weekly class. Ethan looked up at the mention of his name, but upon realizing the topic of conversation, quickly ducked his head again and blushed.

'And then I had some trouble downtown, myself. Between that and the hunter thing, I'm thinking it's about time I taught you about how to... y'know, fight.'

Mark leaned forward a little at this prospect.

'So, if you're game, I'll teach you some stuff.'

* * *

'AGAIN!' Dipper barked.

Gina, Ethan, and Mark, each sitting low, feet double shoulder width apart, knees at ninety degree angles, with their hands pressed together as though praying, looked distinctly uncomfortable in the early afternoon heat. At Dipper's command each pushed off their left foot to stand on their right, left hanging loosely.

'Hanging Stance!' They shouted.

'LOUDER!'

'HA!' They shouted, kicking straight ahead, only to bring their foot back to its hanging position.

'DOWN!'

'HORSE STANCE!' They shouted, stomping their feet as they returned to the low, squat like stance.

'AGAIN!'

Much of the last hour had gone like this, with Lizzy lounging on a reclining lawn chair in cut off jeans and a bikini top.

Dipper wasn't entirely certain as to why she was there; she had been surprised by the training, but seemed content to relax. She was flaunting herself, in Dipper's opinion, and seemed to writhe in such a way as to best display her assets whenever Dipper glanced in her direction. It was distracting.

'AGAIN!'

His students were doing well. They would hurt in the morning, but he was impressed with how far they were willing to push themselves for the training, and they needed the conditioning if anything he taught them was going to be useful. Still, Dipper was nervous; he had never taught anyone before, not to the extent he was going to teach them, and he was concerned about his abilities, as well as how his own teachers would act if they knew.

'Hold it,' Dipper said, calmly. 'Feel that burn? It's a good feeling, isn't it?'

His students, concentrating on holding their uncomfortable stance, remained silent.

'ISN'T IT?' Dipper yelled.

'SIR YES SIR!' Came the reply.

'Good! Now, ten laps, around the Shack.'

For a moment, his students just stared.

'Go!' Dipper pointed in the direction of the track around the house, which they had been using in between exercises to run. They set off at a trot, wincing from the pain of holding their stances for so long.

'Faster, or it's twenty.'

This made them take off; giving everything they could in that first sprint. Dipper glanced up at Lizzy again. From her reclined position she stretched up, arching her back for a moment before relaxing again, then smiled and waved. Dipper took a deep breath, then headed around the side of the Shack to his makeshift garage. The jeep was still in a state of disrepair, as Dipper and Soos had not finished building all of the pieces they planned on upgrading it with, and everything sat under a large shade tent. This would not do. Dipper frowned as he thought about building a garage again, wondering at the cost of materials and equipment. He'd want to use the construction as an opportunity to expand Ford's old workshop, but he wasn't sure where to begin. In the mean time, Dipper had constructed a small, brick furnace for the purpose of constructing a pair of Butterfly Swords, which would be far more conducive to combat in the dense undergrowth of the deeper recesses of the forest. Dipper intended to find the hunter, and when he did, he wanted to be ready.

Stoking the fire with an air compressor, Dipper used the tongs to look at what would soon be a decent set of blades; they were just bars now, but they were almost hot enough to begin shaping.

Just as Dipper decided that it was time to start shaping the blades, Ethan came jogging around the corner at what Dipper thought was a too leisurely pace for his kind of training.

'Ethan! This looks too easy for you. Run backwards.'

Ethan stumbled for a moment, staring at Dipper in some amount of shock, but dutifully turned around, and began jogging slightly slower than he had been, enough that first Mark, and then Gina caught up to him.

'Mark! Gina! Guide Ethan. Make sure he doesn't fall.'

His other students took up flanking positions after only a small hesitation, and they began jogging together at a steady pace, while Dipper began to hammer the first of his two blades.

* * *

Dipper was relieved when Mabel finally returned to the shack, even if it was with both Amy and Pacifica in tow; after his students had left, Lizzy had moved her lawn chair around the shack to sit and watch Dipper work on his swords. It was very distracting.

Amy and Mabel both seemed somewhat surprised at her presence, though accepted her story of being told to help Amy with her training of Mabel, but Lizzy and Pacifica regarded each other in much the same way as strange cats.

After a few moments of strained and awkward conversation around Dipper's workplace, he could take no more.

'Enough!' He cried, waving tongs and hammer in the air. 'I'm trying to work! And I'm not supposed to be party to whatever mischief you witches get up to! Go inside, or SOMETHING, just... go away! Please!'

Having made himself both the center of attention and a target for the as of yet unresolved tension, Dipper stood a few moments under the silent scrutiny of all four women.

'Well if you insist, Dipper, we'll get out of your hair.' Mabel said, just a little too casually.

'I didn't realize this was how you greeted your friends.' Pacifica said.

Amy just stared, but after a moment, the three of them turned to go inside. Only Lizzy remained, lingering to grin mischievously at Dipper, before stroking him under the chin and winking.

'See you later, Dipper.'

She then skipped to catch up to the other three as they went inside.

Dipper sighed. At least it was quiet again and he could continue his work unmolested.

* * *

With the forging completed, Dipper left the new blades in the dying fire, where they would cool overnight. Looking at his makeshift workplace, Dipper decided that his next project would have to be upgrading Ford's old workshop, and building a proper garage. The girls were still inside, and Dipper could see by the occasional flicker of light from what looked to be electricity, and occasionally flames. This was not a time to intrude on Mabel's practice. Dipper decided he would be better off elsewhere.

Quietly, Dipper grabbed his boots and jacket from just inside the door, got himself put together, and headed out in to the woods. It would likely be a few hours before the girls were finished up anyway, and Dipper had someone he wanted to see.

* * *

The woods were quiet. Much of the magical wildlife was likely in hiding, as the Hunter continued to be a threat to all that was strange in Gravity Falls. It saddened Dipper as much as it angered him; even the smallest, most insignificant of creatures had disappeared from the trails Dipper took in to the deepest parts of the forest. Brambles and undergrowth wove themselves around the twisted trunks of stunted coniferous trees until the trail disappeared in to the dense foliage.

Soon Dipper was doing as much cutting as walking; the vines and shrubbery becoming virtually impenetrable. The temperature began to drop as Dipper's path brought him to higher elevations; boulders from old rock slides becoming as much a part of the scenery as the thick greenery. It was eerie; the noise of birds and insects, sprites and gnomes, gone. All that Dipper heard was the sound of his own labored breath and footsteps, and the wind in the canopy.

Finally the ground became more rock than dirt, and Dipper began to climb. Leaving the shelter of the trees, Dipper felt the wind rising as late afternoon became evening, the setting sun turning the sky red and gathering clouds a range of deep purples.

Dipper continued, scrambling on all fours as often as walking on the rock of the mountains. Small trees, stunted and twisted by the elements and lack of true soil, made for great hand holds as Dipper slowly pulled himself up the familiar, if long disused path.

* * *

It has begun to drizzle by the time Dipper is standing at the entrance to the cave. The wind, continuing to build through Dipper's climb makes a low humming noise as it crosses the entrance to the dark, stone passage in to the heart of the mountain.

As soon as Dipper passes the threshold, all the cold from the rain and wind seems to cease to exist; there is a strange warmth to the whole chamber and the sound of... Jazz?

Dipper hears him long before he sees him. Loud, low sniffing noises, as at something unfamiliar or unexpected, guide Dipper down the left fork of the passage and into a large, well lit chamber with a high ceiling. Some large, if mismatched furniture sits around the room, making it appear more habitable than one would expect from a remote cave. An enormous couch, a table with scattered books and a camp lantern, a shelf with a record player, all illuminated by a fireplace carved in to the stone wall. In the center of the room stood the Multi Bear.

'Dipper!' He roared. His voice washed over Dipper like a tidal wave, causing him to brace himself unconsciously.

'Hello, Multi Bear.' Dipper smiled before launching himself into the great bear, doing his best to wrap his arms around him for a hug. His fur was still as soft and warm as he remembered it, but there was more grey in his face than the last time he made this climb.

'Dipper, my friend, it is good to see you. It has been some time since you last came to see me. To what do I owe this great honor?'

His friend was teasing him. Dipper looked up to see what passed for a mischievous smile on the bear's face.

'It's good to see you again...' Dipper hesitated, unsure of where to begin. 'I... uh,'

'Is everything alright, my friend?' The Multi Bear's smile faded to a look of concern.

Dipper hesitated. 'It's been a rough few years.' He began.

'Yes. I heard about your uncles. A tremendous loss for us all. I grieved for you.'

Dipper's head shot up. He wasn't even aware that the Multi Bear had known about his family.

'How did you...' Dipper couldn't even finish, he just stared at the massive, ancient bear in awe.

'Word gets around, little brother. Your Uncles were respected in the forest, even if their presence was not always welcome, or even tolerated. They worked for the Good, in their own ways.'

The Multi Bear hesitated, his piercing, black eyes meeting Dipper's own.

'And I understand you have returned to us to do much the same.' The finality of the Multi Bear's statement seemed to take a weight off Dipper's shoulders. His uncertainty at belonging in Gravity Falls lessened by his friend's faith in him.

'And I imagine you came for advice, among other things, about the beast of a man who stalks us in our own home, killing our kind for pleasure.'

'Word really does get around.' Dipper muttered. The Multi Bear only nodded.

'And on these things I have much to say to you, but first, come. Sit and eat. The journey to my home is not easy.' He handed Dipper a rough hewn wooden bowl of fruits and nuts, gesturing to the couch. He then turned the music up slightly.

'Moondog.' He said quietly, a smile forming on his face. 'I have come to appreciate him and his "Jazz", a gift from some of the Alpine Dryads. Do you know of him?'

Dipper only shook his head.

'Then we shall listen and enjoy, and talk of happy times... And you should probably let your sister know where you are. With this weather, I don't think you're going to make it home tonight.'


	20. Coffee and Tattoos

'Dipper.' The night had gone late, their bowls empty, the music turned down low; it was time to speak of more serious things.

'There are events which have been set in motion which are bigger than Gravity Falls; the kind of danger you have not seen in many years.'

'Bill!' Dipper breathed. Looking up at the Multi Bear, Dipper's brow furrowed. 'Bill is dead, Multi Bear. We killed him.'

'Bill cannot be killed, Dipper, he is much like a force of nature; not capable of dying in much the same way he is not truly alive. But it is not Bill which I speak of, and nowhere near as powerful as Bill was, in the end. No, this is something different; ancient, for our world, and powerfully dark magic. Be on your guard, my brother.'

'Does this have anything to do with the Hunter?'

'I do not think so. That short-sighted brute is human, the currents of energy that warp around this… other, are tainted. Fouled. '

'Do you know where it's coming from?'

'No. The works of men confuse me, brother, and it is dangerous for me to venture close to where they dwell.'

'They?' Dipper smiled at his friend's mistake.

'Yes, brother, they. You are only half in their world; you are as much one of us as you are one of them.' He smiled down at Dipper.

'The sooner you accept this, the happier you will be.'

* * *

Dipper spent the night on the Multi Bear's couch, but he did not sleep much. It seemed as though as soon as his eyes were closed his mind was filled with images of fire and decay. His friends and loved ones, dead and rotting in pieces and piles around him; the air buzzing with flies and tainted magic, while carrion birds filled the blood red sky.

None of this was conducive to sleeping.

In the morning, Dipper and the Multi Bear ate mostly in silence, with great bear only warning Dipper again about the strangeness in the world, and inviting him to not wait another ten years before returning to visit.

Dipper's trek down the mountain was far easier than the way up, but just as silent and eerie. Something needed to be done about the Hunter.

Mabel was gone by the time Dipper made it back to the Shack. A note on the fridge informed him that there was waffle mix inside, along with Birch syrup from Amy's grandparents in Alaska, and Saguaro syrup, brought by Pacifica.

It was a good breakfast.

Dipper spent most of the rest of the day tinkering with ongoing work, and making a list of new projects. Distracting himself from his anxieties and kicking his drinking habits would require him to be distracted, and Dipper intended to make use of this. The jeep and the swords would just be the beginning. Mabel's scooter 'Wobbles' would be next, then perhaps a real garage, and Ford's old lab could use a lot of work.

Unconsciously, Dipper found himself in front of the bookshelf which had replaced the vending machine as the secret entrance to the lab. Perhaps he should go down and take stock of what he could do, anyway.

The key pad, now hidden in the television remote, opened the door, and Dipper headed down to the elevator.

The lab was a mess. Dipper hadn't been down here since trying to summon Ford, and the broken, chalk seal was still mostly as he left it. Dipper sighed. It was hard to look at his mistakes. Scattered around the work space were various boxes, half filled with deconstructed or failed experiments, and tables covered with sheets and dust. Cobwebs filled vacant corners.

Yeah, the place could use some work.

The whole room was dominated by the looming form of the defunct portal, propped against the wall. Ford had never seemed interested in scrapping it, or even breaking it down for storage, seeming to prefer to ignore its presence. So there it sat.

Carefully, Dipper began removing dust sheets to catalogue and organize the equipment.

* * *

A couple hours in to cleaning the lab, Dipper's phone buzzed.

'Didn't realize there was signal down here.' Dipper muttered, staring at the ceiling.

'Gonna have to fix that.'

Looking at his phone, Dipper noticed that he already had a missed call, and a new text from Mabel:

'We're at the coffee shop! Come hang out! :P'

It was hard not to smile at Mabel's cheery nature.

'Need a shower' Dipper responded '30 min.'

He took one last look around the workshop. For now, his projects would have to wait.

888

It felt good to be clean.

Main Street Gravity Falls had really blossomed under Mayor Cutebiker's tenure; brick sidewalks, public art, beautiful greenery, and mosaics in cross walks and traffic circles. It was pretty impressive, and made for a pleasant experience walking through town.

Dipper found the coffee shop much as he had when Pacifica first showed it to him; a low ceilinged, cozy shop type atmosphere, sandwiched between a bookstore and a barbershop. Dipper walked in, knocking a bell over the door, and stopped dead. Acoustic blues, played by a young man in the corner barely registered as Dipper's eyes trained on one large table in the center of the store. Around it sat Mabel, Pacifica, Amy, and Lizzy.

Why hadn't they all gone home? Why didn't Mabel tell him they'd be here? Was it too late to leave? Dipper looked back at the door and decided it probably was. Taking a deep breath, Dipper walked over to the table.

'Dipper! Glad you could make it!' Mabel, always so cheery; her charm took the edge off walking in to what felt like a trap.

'Ladies.' He said, nodding to the group and pulling up a chair.

'So…' Mabel said staring at Dipper intently.

'Uh… So what?' Lizzy laughed at Dipper's confusion, then laughed a little harder when Pacifica shot her a quick glare.

'So what do you think of the Café, dummy!'

'Uh, it's… nice?' Dipper looked up at the chalkboard menu hanging above the vacant counter. 'It's cool that they've got monsooned coffee; that's not something I've seen in many places here.'

Mabel stared open mouthed at Dipper for a moment, then looked in askance at Pacifica, who shrugged.

'They weren't here the last time we came.' This time it was Lizzy's turn to glare.

'Who wasn't here?' Dipper said, frowning.

In their conversation, Dipper hadn't noticed that the music had stopped, and it only dawned on him when four sets of eyes locked on something behind him. He was too slow to react to it, too confused when a hand fell on his shoulder.

'Dipper! It's good to see you again! Sorry I missed your party, man, the Missus and I were out on business.'

It took Dipper a moment to recognize the man holding the guitar. Khaki slacks, loafers, and an untucked white button down with the sleeves rolled above the elbows did not seem to fit the face, and for that moment, Dipper just stared. Then it clicked.

'Robbie? Robbie VALENTINO?'

'In the flesh, man. How ya been?'

Dipper hastily recovered from gawking at his one time rival, standing to greet him properly.

'I've been, uh, good, mostly.' He smiled. 'You know how things go. What are you doing here? There some kind of show tonight?' Dipper looked down at the beautiful guitar, which looked as though it was oiled, rather than varnished. He thought it might be Koa wood.

'Nah man.' Robbie smiled. It was odd seeing him smile so broadly, or look so genuine. 'This is my place.' He gestured around the shop.

'OUR PLACE!' Came a feminine voice from the room behind the counter, from which Tambry emerged. Pulling off heavy gloves and a thick apron, she hopped over the bar to stand beside Robbie. 'How's it going, kid? Long time no see.'

Dipper smiled. 'It's good to see you guys. Congrats on the shop, this is a pretty cool place.'

'Oh, you know, it's a living.' Robbie and Tambry smiled at each other, before Robbie continued. 'But what have you been up to, Dipper? It's been a while since I saw you last.'

'I, uh, heh. I've been travelling, mostly. Y'know, studying abroad.' Dipper smiled weakly. It was nice, if odd, to see Robbie and Tambry again, but with the four women also watching him, Dipper felt very much like the only bird in a room full of cats.

'Sorry we couldn't make it to your party, Dipper. Heard it was awesome.' Robbie smiled sympathetically. 'We were negotiating with a little farm in Brazil for some of their prime stuff. Doesn't make it to market, usually, but we've got some good connections, and really only wanted a bag or two. It's really good.'

'Yeah, I noticed you guys have quite the selection, you go to these places personally?'

'Not always,' Tambry smiled at Robbie. 'We've managed to secure some great connections so we don't always have to; there are a few people with remarkably sophisticated taste in coffee in Gravity Falls.' They both turned to Pacifica at this, who blushed. Lizzy glared at Pacifica again.

'Well, it's great seeing you again, Dipper. We've got to get a few things done around the shop, but you should come over for dinner some time. We'll leave you to your business. Come along honey.' Tambry said, gently tugging Robbie's arm.

'The work never ends.' Robbie smiled at Dipper. 'Slave driver!' He cried as she dragged him towards the kitchen.

Turning nervously back towards the table of silent women, Dipper cleared his throat and sat down.

'So. What's up?' Dipper smiled awkwardly.

'Can't four ladies invite a friend out for coffee without something being 'up' Dipper?' Mabel smiled sweetly.

'No.' Dipper said, dead pan.

Pacifica snorted.

'Is he always this paranoid?' Amy asked, quirking an eyebrow.

'One pretty girl is fun at the dance, two pretty girls is trouble in the home, three pretty girls and head for the hills.' Dipper intoned.

'There are four of us.' Amy retorted.

'Mabel's my sister, she doesn't count.' Dipper retorted. Mabel stuck her tongue out at him, and he responded by doing the same, which made both Pacifica and Lizzy laugh, but only until they realized the other was laughing, at which point they glared at each other again.

Lizzy, turning to show Pacifica her shoulder, smiled seductively at Dipper.

'So I understand you have some tattoos, Dipper, anything you'd care to share with the class?'

Dipper stared her down. 'Perhaps making jokes about 'class' would be more appropriate if the intended audience didn't include one of your teachers.' Dipper smirked. 'But, as I've been asked at least once before,' he smiled at Pacifica. 'If you really want, I can tell you a little about them. What do you want to know?'

'What's the one that would be covered by boxer briefs?' Pacifica said, grinning broadly and studiously avoiding looking at Lizzy. Dipper blushed.

'Uh, it's uh, Pe'a. A Samoan tradition. It's usually bigger, but I got what I was allowed, considering I'm not actually Samoan.'

'And the one on your arm? Is that Pay Ahh too?' Dipper winced at Lizzy's attempt to pronounce the foreign word.

'Uh, no, that's um, that's Maori. It's in the same style as Ta Moko, but again, what I'm allowed. They're pretty protective of this stuff; it's got a lot of meaning to them. It was an honor to receive either of them… if an extraordinarily painful one.' For a moment, Dipper's hand pulled up the sleeve of his right arm, running his hand over raised skin and the swirls and spirals and intricate lines of the tattoo, staring off in to the distance. Then he grinned. 'It's as much scarification as it is tattoo.'

'Wait. So you're not supposed to get them? Cause you're not Maori or whatever. How did you get them?' Amy seemed skeptical of the whole thing.

'Well, it helps if you show up with Tongan royalty. Or on a catamaran you built yourself. One way or another they figured I earned them.

'Wait, so you know-'

'What about the-'

Lizzy and Pacifica began simultaneously. Lizzy seemed torn between her own question and learning about more of Dipper's tattoos, finally nodding to Pacifica to let her finish.

'What about the lettering? With the tigers?'

'Yantra. It's a southeast Asian tradition. Magical stuff.' Dipper waggled his fingers at this. 'Can I get some coffee though? If you guys are gonna grill me on tattoos, I'm gonna get hoarse telling stories.'

Mabel gestured to a carafe on the counter with cups next to it. With no one else in the store, Dipper assumed it was fair game, and grabbed a cup. Sitting back down at the table he looked expectantly at the four women.

'What's the deal with the weird bear thing? On your chest?' Pacifica inquired.

'Oh, that's the Multi Bear.'

'The what?' Amy looked skeptical, though she had looked skeptical of everything Dipper said, and he wasn't entirely sure why she had agreed to hang out in a group that included him.

'The, uh, the Multi Bear. I got it in Russia. A friend of mine, Makar,' Pacifica smiled at the mention of someone she knew, 'He got me really drunk in Saint Petersburg the first time I came back to see him, and we both got tattoos. He said a bear would be good, to remember Russia, but I was drunk, and… Multi Bear.' Dipper smiled and shrugged. 'Anyway, I like it.'

'You have a few others, they like sailing tattoos?' Pacifica was leaning in to the table as she asked; she seemed really interested in the tattoos and for a moment, Dipper became self-conscious. They were personal to him, each one with its one story, and he suddenly felt like he was sharing a secret piece of himself. They were usually hidden beneath clothes, and he liked it that way.

'Ask him about the rope.' Mabel said, grimacing. Dipper smiled, his anxiety momentarily forgotten in the memory of her anger at the first telling of the story.

'Rope?' Lizzy said, smiling and quirking an eyebrow.

'Ahh, yeah. Well, it's around my left ankle, and it's covering a scar from another rope.' Dipper rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 'I was, uh, sailing in the Southern Ocean- on a tall ship, going around South America and headed for Sydney-'

'Wait, a tall ship? Are you serious? Who even uses those anymore? How did you end up on it?' It was starting to seem like Amy neither believed nor enjoyed Dipper's story.

'Well, uh, y'know a number of Navies actually have one or two; they use them for training and good will type stuff. We have a couple ourselves; Navy's got the Constitution and the Coast Guard has the Eagle. I was on the Esmeralda, a Chilean ship, and I bribed my way on. Anyway, we were in some rough water, west of Cape Horn, and I got tangled in some deck lines and… went over the side.' Dipper smiled hopefully at the group.

'You what.' Pacifica said, raising an eyebrow.

'I went for a swim.' Dipper shrugged. 'It happens. I mean, usually it happens and someone dies, but because I was tangled in the lines, I had one get wrapped around my ankle, and they were able to haul me in. That and the life jacket are the only reason I'm here.'

'What was that like?' Lizzy asked.

'I don't remember. The water there is freezing. I probably passed out as soon as I hit the water, but honestly, I don't remember any of it. I DO remember lying on the deck while they were cutting my wet clothes off, and getting me up on a stretcher, and I remember when they put me in the hot water. Not much else. Anyway, now I have this neat tattoo.'

'You're insane.' Amy looked like she didn't mean that as hyperbole.

'Yeah, that's what Mabel said.' Dipper laughed. 'Right after she punched me.'


	21. Zed's Dead

**Oh hey. I'm Back.**

* * *

Pacifica's phone buzzed. Mabel was calling.

Looking up at the screen of her laptop, she interrupted the droning, Portuguese investment banker.

'Lucas, I'm terribly sorry; Father is calling, and you know how he can be.'

Lucas gave a start at the interruption, as though he was surprised he was speaking to anyone in the first place.

'Desculpe, Dona Nort'west. Please, see to your Pai. Until next time.' Lucas ended the call immediately, and Pacifica picked up the phone.

'Hey Mabel, what's up?'

'Come plaaaay with meeee! I'm sooo booored!'

Pacifica sighed.

'Where's Dipper? Out on some wild hare, again?'

'He's in Portland for some lecture thing and a concert.'

'With that… Wendy girl?'

'… Pacifica, is that JEALOUSY I hear?' She had that shit-eating grin on her face, for sure.

'… Maybe, you did say he had a thing for her.'

'He likes redheads.' Pacifica could hear the shrug in her voice. 'Though I have it on good authority he has a thing for blondes, too. Even if they're blonde from a bottle…'

'I'm not so busy that I can't come over there and put your butt in the lake, Mabel.'

'Then come over! It's SO BORING here.'

'Alright, alright. But you better have something fun planned.'

'You know it!'

* * *

Pacifica had been expecting all manner of strange activities when she arrived at the Shack. It was Mabel, after all. She had not been expecting to see Mabel dressed as though she belonged in a paramilitary organization, and surveying a table filled with an odd assortment of improvised weapons. Well, mostly weapons. Among axe handles, cleavers, and baseball bats, were also scattered a few drumsticks, a steel yardstick, a large paintbrush, and a fly swatter.

'Mabel…' Pacifica began, looking distinctly uneasy. 'What, precisely, are you planning for us to do today?'

'I was thinking about testing the zombie defense systems and protocols.' Mabel looked as though this was a matter of routine.

For a moment, Pacifica was unsure how to respond.

'Should I be surprised?'

Mabel looked somewhere between bewilderment and disgust when she replied.

'No.' And for a moment, she continued to look at her odd assortment of weapons. 'Oh shit! I forgot to tell you to bring something!'

'Umm, I have no idea what you thought I could bring, but I don't exactly have a collection of weapons in my closet.'

'Well, I mean, you fence, don't you? Couldn't you bring a sword or whatever?'

'Mabel, you've seen those swords; a foil is hardly an effective weapon against a real person, let alone something that's already dead.'

Mabel stared blankly back at Pacifica.

'I'll go find a kitchen knife or something.' Pacifica finally said. 'How do you plan to raise zombies in your house anyway? And how are you going to prevent them from getting out and causing the actual zombie apocalypse?'

Pacifica began to root through the kitchen drawers for a knife of an appropriate size. There weren't many to choose from.

'Ford set up a number of wardings to keep Bill out, and he and Dipper only expanded on them over the years.'

Pacifica shuddered involuntarily at the memory of Bill.

'You guys need a decent knife set in here. How do you cook anything?' Pacifica emerged from the kitchen with a long carving knife to see Mabel attaching the steel yardstick to a magnet on her back. 'That's clever.'

'Yeah, Dipper's doing. Your back is a convenient place to carry a sword, but it's difficult, bordering on dangerous to try and get anything off there in a fight, so, magnets.' Mabel had also stuffed almost all of the smaller objects in to holsters on her belt.

'So how do we summon your zombies?'

'Oh, Dipper's got a book.'

* * *

Pacifica was somewhat hesitant to enter Dipper's room, despite the fact that Mabel had walked in as if it was hers.

'I promise you, he won't be mad if you come in. Embarrassed, probably, but not mad.'

Pacifica, bracing herself on the door jam, leaned over the threshold into the room. It was wood floored, like the rest of the house, with several thick rugs. Two looked as though they were Middle Eastern; one might have been Afghani, considering the helicopter design on it. A third looked like it might be Alpaca wool. In the corner was a twin bed with a carved wooden chest at its foot; stained dark. Pacifica couldn't tell what kind of wood, or what the carvings were. A few posters and pictures on the walls, and both herbs and crystals hanging in front of the window, filling the room with a pleasant smell, and casting rainbows on the desk that dominated the room.

Pacifica sighed. It looked more like an office than a bed room, complete with a mess of papers scattered across the desk. Mabel had moved out of sight, so Pacifica leaned a little farther in.

'You can come in, I promise.' Mabel said. Her back was turned towards Pacifica, and she seemed to be searching for Dipper's book in a sort of alcove across from his bed.

Hesitantly, Pacifica stepped inside.

'You sure he won't mind?'

Mabel leaned back from where she was examining Dipper's books. 'If you weren't supposed to be in here, you'd already have been burned to ash.'

Pacifica paled.

'No, really, look.' She pointed to the inside of the door frame where symbols had been meticulously carved in to the wood. 'It keeps out anything that means him harm, so helpful to get potential sister-in-laws to walk through it.'

Pacifica blushed furiously, but maintained eye contact with Mabel, and spoke calmly. 'That was a dirty trick, and we are a LONG way from being in-laws. Especially considering Dipper's hanging out with Wendy right now.'

'Eugh. Pax. I promise you, Dipper's not in to Wendy.'

Pacifica crossed her arms and nervously tapped her foot.

'I know. He just… he makes me feel weird.'

'Awww, you guys are gonna be so adorable together!'

'Shut up, Mabel.'

Mabel turned back to the books, occasionally pulling one out to leaf through it. Pacifica turned to the desk, glancing at the papers, which were mostly related to his classes; both the one he was teaching, and the ones he was taking, though there didn't appear to be any particular order to the piles.

'You think Dipper's started his costume yet?'

'Nah. He's always pretty slow about getting around to that stuff.'

'Mabel, my party is in two weeks, and you've GOT to be in costume! My PARENTS are going to be there! I was in charge of this!'

Mabel stopped to look at Pacifica, becoming increasingly alarmed with each new assertion.

'Okay! Okay. I promise, we'll get him ready for the party. I'll light a fire under his butt, and we'll get this done. Okay?'

'I'm sending one of my tailors.'

'Pax, you really don't have to do this.'

'Mabel, you are my best friend. We're talking, seriously, about me dating your brother. My parents are you going to be there, and you are both, BOTH of you. Going to look. Fabulous.'

The last few words seemed to be said through gritted teeth.

'Fabulous. Got it. Found the book, too.'

* * *

Out in the front yard, Mabel had unrolled a tarp on to the dirt road, and drawn a large star, inside of a circle and surrounded by strange lettering in charcoal. In the center she had placed a small bowl with a block of frozen cow blood in it, and around the points of the star, candles.

'Does it being frozen not change it at all?' Pacifica leaned against the Jeep.

'Nothing in the spell says 'warm blood', so no, we're good.'

Mabel took a step back to admire her handiwork, then turned to Pacifica.

'Ready to raise some hell?'

Pacifica stood up from where she had been leaning and nodded grimly.

Mabel began chanting, low and almost inaudibly to Pacifica, and in a language she could not understand. Gradually, the chanting became louder, and with it, the world around them seemed to grow still. The quiet was unnerving; the hot, still air suddenly seemed like it had gained substance, congealing to hold Pacifica exactly where she was, along with the rest of the world. She couldn't take her eyes off of Mabel, continuing with the ritual as though nothing was wrong. She had to warn her! It wasn't working!

Mabel stopped chanting, and whatever magic held Pacifica in place dissipated. The ground then began to shake; fissures appeared, spreading out from the ground under the tarp. Out of the cracks reached the partially decayed arms of the undead, pulling their way on to the front lawn of the Shack.

'Time to move!' Mabel smiled at Pacifica as she sprinted towards the house. Pacifica took one last look at the abominations crawling from the ground and followed; through the front door, which Mabel immediately slammed behind her.

'So, first line of defense is actually what's keeping these guys from getting out of here and jump-starting the zombie apocalypse; there's a barrier around the Shack itself which keeps out most destructive or 'evil' beings. Second line of defense is here at the door, and every other door and window: Anything that's undead which crosses those thresholds, burns.'

'So… how do they get in?'

'We break the warding.'

Mabel seemed so sure of the plan, but it all seemed rather ludicrous to Pacifica.

'Can you fix it? Y'know, after we break it?'

'Yeah, it's no problem. We've run these drills before… though, I've never actually done one by myself.'

For a moment, she looked nervous.

'Why run it now? Why not wait until after Dipper gets back?'

'Well, I should be able to do all this myself, and some bodies got stolen from the morgue this week, so…'

'Wait, what?'

'Yeah, a couple bodies were stolen from the morgue, downtown. Robbie told me about it; apparently his 'rents were in a bit of a bind until the police were could confirm their alibi. Figured it was as good a reason as any to run a Z-Day sim.'

Mabel was trying very hard to sound casual about all this, but for a moment, Pacifica saw her eyes dart nervously towards the door.

'Plus, I wanted to figure out this wand stuff.' She patted her utility belt, and the odd assortment of tools and improvised weapons therein.

'Yeah, about that.' Pacifica was skeptical of the whole 'magic' thing to begin with. Not that it was real, she'd seen enough weirdness to last a lifetime. Just the whole 'secret club' thing seemed… juvenile to her.

'Gotta test stuff out; see what feels good, what works. It's not terribly straight forward, you never know what'll be the thing that fits you best.'

At just this moment, something crashed in to the front door; the loud bang caused Pacifica to jump, but Mabel just smiled grimly.

'Show time.'

Pulling a pocket knife from her pocket, Mabel unfolded the blade, and jammed it in to the wall, close to the door frame, cutting through the wall paper and sinking in to the wood beneath it.

'C'mon, let's go!' Mabel grabbed Pacifica's arm and ran towards the stairs.

'That's it?' Pacifica was surprised, and kind of disappointed with the simplicity of breaking the warding.

'Yeah, it's painted on the wall under the wall paper. Come on!'

Stopping at the foot of the stairs, Mabel turned, as though guarding the path.

'Since you've got the blade, you get to play melee; I'll be ranged.'

'What?'

At just this moment, the door burst off its hinges, falling with a bang on the living room floor. Behind it, were the slavering hordes of shambling undead.

'Oh God, they're hideous.' Pacifica spoke as though this were the most upsetting thing about them.

'HAVE AT THEE!' Mabel cried, waving the large paint brush at them. The zombie at the very front of the pack immediately burst in to flames, though so did the paintbrush.

'AIEE!' Mabel hurled the flaming brush in to the zombies, scrabbling for another potential wand.

Only mystified for a moment, Pacifica turned towards the zombies, brandished her carving knife, and lunged in to the enemy, striking one in the throat. Twisting the blade to pull down and away, she nearly severed the head of a zombie just the left of the burning remains of Mabel's handiwork. Bouncing back on to her back foot, Pacifica hopped back to the base of the stairs in time for Mabel to experimentally twirl the fly swatter.

'What do you think? Can you see me using this for a wand?' She grinned as she smacked the banister, causing the tip to catch fire. Swinging the flyswatter like a tennis racket, Mabel launched yet another fireball in to the mob of zombies.

'Come on, we should probably fall back some.'

'Aren't you worried they're gonna trash the house?'

'Nah, they're after blood, and you and I are the only sources here.'

'Comforting.'

'Yep, so they'll follow us right up the stairs!'

Mabel's flyswatter was starting to burn down it's metal handle, dripping molten steel on to the carpet.

'Whoops!' She cried, throwing it in to the zombies, where it promptly exploded.

'Heh.' She laughed nervously, looking to Pacifica. 'Let's fall back some.'

Mercifully, the zombies were slow enough that being slow did not automatically ensure their deaths, but it seemed prudent not to tempt fate.

* * *

Falling back before the horde brought them at last to the balcony where she had once defeated zombies as a child. Hemmed in, with zombies cutting off their only exit, Pacifica began to panic. Mabel had worked her way through most of her potential wands, and none had as of yet proved to be a good match. Between this, and the fact that Pacifica had no idea how this drill ended, she had become slightly more erratic and desperate in her attacks, with the last lunge leaving her open and undefended to a small group of more agile undead which had followed them from the initial attack. Tripping over herself, Pacifica fell in to the railing overlooking the ground floor.

'Pax! Look out!' Mabel cried, grabbing an errant hammer, left from some repair or another, and swinging it into one of the zombies.

Its head exploded like an over ripe melon, the shock of the impact knocking its body back into the group behind it, where it promptly caught fire.

The hammer seemed to glow in the half light of the hallway.

'I think I found my wand.' Mabel said softly, before cackling and throwing herself in to the fray of zombies.

* * *

It was sometime after four in the morning when Dipper made it back to the Shack. The conference had been enlightening, and it was always a pleasure to see Wendy and her band perform. He liked her music, too, even if the scene was too energetic for him to go to more than one show every year or so.

The house was dark, but it looked like there had been some work done on the door, and maybe some of the windows. This gave Dipper pause, but he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

It looked as though Mabel had been cleaning all day; some broken glass, and ripped furniture indicated that something major had gone on, but there was little sign of what. As Dipper carefully moved through the rearranged furniture, he came upon Mabel and Pacifica asleep on the couch, in front of a TV which was still on. Turning the television off, Dipper draped one of the lounge blankets over them, and headed to bed.


	22. That Which is Familiar

'AGAIN!'

Dipper shouted as Ethan, Gina, and Mark moved to parry and then strike with a set of rattan batons, feet neatly side-stepping imaginary opponents.

'Now, BLOCK, STRIKE!'

A second set of movements brought them all the way around to face the direction they had come from, only to repeat the exercise the opposite way.

They had been at this for more than an hour, practicing a brand new set of techniques from another style. Dipper insisted that they be able to use weapons, claiming that being able to put more distance in between you and an opponent could be critical, if said opponent could hurt you just through touch. He then muttered something about fire golems, but refused to elaborate.

His students, however, had begun to show signs of fatigue, and not wanting to work them too hard, he called a halt to their training, just as Mabel drove up the drive with a jeep full of witches.

'Perfect.' Dipper thought, as he beckoned his students to sit down.

'Good practice, guys. Mark, you've been working on your foot work outside of class, and it shows. Good job. Ethan, those cramps you're getting? You need to stretch more, and it'll help when you get some better shoes. Gina, I saw your misstep back there, good recovery; that kind of improv is critical if this stuff ever needs to be used for real.'

Looking over his shoulder, Dipper could see that Mabel was accompanied by Amy and Lizzy, which was expected, but Kaylee and a few of her enforcers were not. This was quite a large group to bring over to the Shack, especially considering how suspicious the Coven was of Dipper. Even more unnerving was the way they were all standing just next to the jeep watching him.

'Now,' Dipper continued, doing his best to ignore his audience, 'I expect that you've been coming up with a list of sources for your upcoming papers? I'd like to see it. Next week, bring your bibliographies, and we'll go over which is useful, and which is bunk. Cool?'

'Can we use these for our upcoming Anthro paper?' Gina was keen on getting a good grade in his class, being undecided between pursuing Anthropology or Biology as a precursor to Medical studies.

'Depends on whether or not it fits the guidelines of both. Now scram! It's Saturday and you should probably be playing video games, or asleep or something.'

Dipper waved his arms at them in a shooing motion, and they laughed as they got up and jogged down the path to the main road. He was very pleased with their progress in such a short time, and it was gratifying to be looked up to in a field he cared about. He watched them go for a moment before turning back to the witches.

Witches.

That they were in Gravity Falls didn't bother Dipper; he'd interacted with various Covens in the past, and they weren't all bad, but the fact that they had inserted themselves in to his life, and done so through his sister, was irritating on a good day, and dangerous on some of the bad ones.

They were still watching him, so he waved and headed towards the Shack. They started moving on an intersecting course, so as to meet him at the door, Mabel at the front.

'Hey Dipping Sauce!' She cried, as he met her and her... entourage at the door. 'We're going out to get my familiar today!'

'Your... familiar?'

'It's a rite of passage; marks you as one of us.' Kaylee cut in. Dipper's eyes narrowed as he turned in her direction, but he said nothing. 'Sort of like getting your black belt in Karate or whatever.' She vaguely gestured towards where he and his students had been training.

'Kali.' He said curtly, turning back to Mabel. 'All day then?'

'Probably,' she replied, glancing at Kaylee. 'It's kind of a big deal.'

'Cool. See you when you get back.'

'Oh, and uh... This is Maria.' Mabel gestured at one of the women who Dipper didn't recognize. Dipper only quirked an eyebrow. 'She... uh, heard about our costume party thing, and uh... wanted to see if she could... help?'

Dipper raised both eyebrows at this. 'Sure.' He said nonchalantly, causing Mabel to momentarily freeze in shock.

'Right. Right! Right. I'll... uh... see you later!'

The party, with the exception of Maria, then headed for the jeep again, and Dipper watched them go. Turning towards Maria, he opened the door for her to come inside.

'You work for Pacifica, right?'

Maria looked first shocked, then somewhat frightened.

'You're not supposed to know that.' She said quietly.

'That's what I thought.' Dipper continued, nodding. 'Good. I really need your help; sewing is definitely not my thing. I've got a pattern and all the materials but... I can't get anything to come out straight, and I really can't afford to buy all this stuff again.'

He gestured inside. 'Shall we get to work?'

* * *

Dipper was pleased with his costume. Maria had left several hours previously, with the sewing complete and a promise not to tell Pacifica anything about it. Trying it on, and adding all of his accessories, he admired himself in the mirror. A frontier period US Cavalry Officer might be a little over the top for an average party, but Dipper was familiar with Pacifica's expectations, and while she might not notice the effort that had gone in to making it as historically accurate as possible, Dipper was confident that the costume would make an impression. Congratulating himself, he unbuckled his belt and bandolier and hung it on a coat rack in the corner of his room. Yes, he was going to look awesome.

* * *

The scratch of keys at the lock, followed by the front door banging open announced the return of Mabel and company. Dipper looked over at the clock from lounging across the love seat, it was nine thirty. They'd been at this familiar thing for a while.

'I'M HOME!' Mabel cried. Dipper could hear the sound of many feet following her in, and the skittering of claws on the hardwood. He sat up in time to see Mabel come around the corner flanked by her witch sisters with a shaggy, dirty, mutt, which could have passed for a German Shepherd, were it not for the odd splotch of grey running up its left side and one floppy ear.

'That is the most disreputable looking dog I have ever seen.'

'I know, right? I named her Kibbeth.'

'I take it this is your familiar? So we have a dog now?'

'MABEL has a dog now.' Kaylee interjected defensively.

Dipper arched an eyebrow at her. 'You don't have to live with it.' He looked over at the dog again, and sighed. Rolling out of his seat, he walked over and crouched, offering his hand. 'Hello friend, I'm Dipper.'

The dog sniffed Dipper's hand for a moment, then looked soulfully up in to his eyes and placed a paw into his hand.

'Hello Dipper, I'm Kibbeth.'

In a moment of shock and panic, Dipper ejected himself up and away from the dog, crashing into the couch, and falling to the floor, causing everyone, including the dog, to laugh hysterically.

'Consider yourself lucky, Dipper. Familiars don't usually announce that they're special to outsiders.'

At this, Kibbeth looked up at Kaylee and cocked her head.

'Outsider?' She turned back to Dipper, coming over to sniff at his face, and then at his crotch, much to Dipper's dismay.

'No, I'm pretty sure you're wrong. He's definitely one of us.' Kibbeth finished, matter-of-factly. Turning back to Dipper, she licked his face. 'Oh relax, will you? I'm still a dog.'

'I think I need something to drink.' Dipper said, finally.

* * *

It definitely seemed like the whole thing was a big deal to the witches; a few more showed up every ten minutes or so for the following two hours, until the entire house was filled with witches. The amount of energy in the air made Dipper's skin itch, and he'd tried on a number of occasions to lock himself in his room, but somehow Mabel always headed him off at the last second, steering him back in to the party. If the magic in the air wasn't enough of an issue, Dipper was the only guy in the entire house, which seemed to cause the witches to giggle every time he did anything. The alcohol helped. After a couple of scotch and sodas, Dipper was definitely more at ease with all the giggling and weird looks, even Kaylee seemed more agreeable, and they managed to share a laugh over being tricked by the same clickbait advertisement promising that Netflix had bought the rights to Firefly. It was turning out to be a decent night.

At around one in the morning, while Mabel was distracted, dancing with Kibbeth, Dipper decided to call it a night. Watching over his shoulder to make sure he was unnoticed, he crept towards his room. Coming around a corner, he bumped in to something small and soft. He turned suddenly to see Lizzy, dressed in tight jeans, and a tighter shirt. Through the fuzz of alcohol, his first thoughts were 'Uh-oh.'

'Shh.' Lizzy smiled, placing a finger on his lips. 'Wouldn't want to alert your sister.' She winked, and steered him around so his back was to a wall. 'But maybe we could... sneak off somewhere... together...?' With nowhere to go, she leaned in, bringing her face up his neck, and over his jaw, to place a small soft kiss on his lips.

Dipper groaned, and put his hands on her shoulders.

'Believe me when I say that it's a tempting offer.' He gently pushed her away from him, and looking her over continued. 'A really tempting offer, especially since I'm...' He gestured vaguely around his face. 'Drunk. But. And this is important. I really think it's a bad idea. Y'know, me being a teacher, you being a student. Bad. Yeah. Like havin' a job an' all that.' He maneuvered her towards the entrance of the hall as he moved towards his bedroom. 'So maybe, if you weren't, y'know, a student. I would, uh...' He looked her over again, and she smiled provocatively, pushing against his hands to try to come closer. 'Yep. Nope. Gotta get some sleep now.' He retreated quickly, practically jogging backwards, to dart in to his room, locking the door behind him.

'G'night!' He called from safety.

Lizzy smiled to herself, and rejoined the party.


	23. Shindig

'Come ON, Dipper! You're gonna make us LATE!' Mabel called from next to the door. 'You're worse than a woman with this!'

'Says the woman dressed in men's clothing!' Came the response from Dipper's room. 'Gimme one sec! There're a lot of buckles…'

Mabel nervously tapped her foot and looked at the clock. 'C'mon Dipper! We gotta go!'

'I'm done! I'm done.' Dipper half jogged down the hall, nervously adjusting his bandolier with one hand, and sword with the other.

Mabel whistled. 'Well aren't you the dapper soldier. Good thing, too, I understand the ladies LOVE a man in uniform.'

'Shut up Mabel.' Dipper said, but he relaxed. 'You look pretty damn good yourself. The Calamity Jane thing suits you.'

Denim pants with tasseled, buckskin chaps, plaid shirt and leather vest, hat with a feather, and double pistols; Mabel looked ready for a party alright.

'Alright, you ready to ride?' Dipper smiled.

'Yeehaw.'

Dipper escorted Mabel out to his bike, and got on, Mabel hopping on behind him.

'So, what's the deal again? Fancy, quantum, woo-woo engines?'

'Just, uh, hold on tight.' Dipper said, bringing up the kick stand. He revved the engine.

'Sounds like a regular engine.' Mabel said, wrapping her hands around Dipper's torso.

'Ready?'

'Ye-'

Dipper turned the handle and accelerated, and the whole yard seemed to blur. They were out on the road, then the road blurred.

'Oh dear God.' Mabel said, clutching Dipper desperately.

They came to a long straightaway, en route to the party, and Dipper accelerated a little harder; the bike ate up the miles. The whole world looked like running paint, still moving and smeared across a canvas.

'I think I'm going to be sick.'

In a flash, they were in the driveway of the Northwest manor; scattering dust and gravel as they slid up next to a valet stand, manned by three petrified looking teenagers.

'Umm, did you want-'

The roar of the engine, still catching up to the speed of the bike, drowned out his words as he stared dumbfounded at the bike, and the realization of just how fast it had arrived.

He swallowed.

'Did you want to valet that, sir?'

Dipper smiled. 'No, I think I got this.'

Looking decidedly relieved, the boy took a step back and signaled for the gate to be opened. Dipper drove the bike at a leisurely pace to where the rest of the cars had been parked, and found a nice space close to the entrance.

'Shall we?' He said, holding out a hand to help Mabel off.

'Oh yeah. I think I'm ready to get off now.'

* * *

Mabel was still a tad unsteady as they climbed the steps to the front door of the Northwest Manor, which caused Dipper a great deal of amusement.

'Ahh, the Pines twins.' Johnathan greeted them at the door. 'Miss Pines, you do look lovely in your pioneer garb, I'm sure Miss Northwest will be most impressed. Those pistols ARE safe, are they not?' He winked at her as he opened the door.

'Oh DO go on, Johnathan.' Mabel cooed.

Dipper smiled cautiously, vaguely aware that his last interaction with the Northwest family's manservant involved being carried while wrapped in a blanket.

'Ahem.' Johnathan placed a hand on Dipper's shoulder. 'Master Pines.'

'Dipper works.'

'Of course. It is my duty to inform you that Miss Northwest insists that you be limited to three glasses of Champagne for the duration of the evening. The staff has been informed to avoid any confusion, and now, so have you.'

'Uhh, thanks.'

'You are most welcome. Enjoy your evening.'

Dipper laughed nervously as he turned to the open door and walked through.

Mabel was already locked in an embrace with Pacifica, giggling about something, giving Dipper the opportunity to look around the main hall. It was, for the most part, just as he remembered it. All polished wood and gilt; beautiful, ornate, distinctly Oregonian, and a little too gaudy for Dipper's taste. This evening, it was filled with people in period costumes, there to celebrate Pioneer Day, and also to raise money for the Gravity Falls Historical Society. A worthy cause, in Dipper's opinion.

It was then that Dipper noticed the man standing beside Pacifica. It was a surprise that he hadn't seen him from the first, as he was huge; definitely over six feet, but he was sort of in the shadow, and on the other side of the fit of giggles that was Mabel and Pacifica, and he had hoped not to intrude on their moment. Looking at him now, Dipper had no idea who the man was. Tall and broad shouldered with hair like Pacifica's… perhaps a cousin? He was dressed like a stylized cowboy, all black and silver, with a pair of enormous, ivory handled revolvers. Dipper wasn't sure if the outfit was perfect, or ridiculous, so he waited.

Presently, Mabel and Pacifica finished giggling, and Pacifica turned towards Dipper.

'Pacifica.' Dipper said stiffly, and for a moment, Pacifica held herself stiff and proper, with a face that could almost be called frumpy. In that moment, the enormous cowboy stepped forward, as though to put his arm around Pacifica's shoulders, but Pacifica laughed and threw herself on Dipper.

'I'm so glad you CAME! You look FANTASTIC!' She took a step back, holding his shoulders and smirked. 'You know, the ladies DO love a man in uniform.'

To this, Dipper only blushed scarlet.

It was hard not to, Pacifica looked amazing. Her period dress was a rich, malachite silk, slashed with black ribbon and lace. Short sleeves falling off the shoulders framed a low neckline, which Dipper tried hard not to stare at. Her hair was a mass of loose curls, and she wore a large, matching pendant necklace, framed in gold.

'You look amazing.' Dipper choked out. Pacifica laughed aloud, but never let go of Dipper's shoulders.

'Who's your friend?' Dipper said, nervously.

The enormous cowboy stepped forward to stand, again, as close to Pacifica as was decent, and introduced himself.

'My name is Cristian Knudsen, and I am an old friend of Pacifica's.' He spoke with a slight accent, and his smile was too large. He made Dipper uncomfortable, though that might have been because of how comfortable he was trying to make himself with Pacifica.

'Svenska?' Dipper asked.

This seemed to throw him off guard a little.

'Ja, du talar det?'

'Ja, lite.' Dipper smiled back at him, attempting the same large, toothy grin that Cristian had.

'If you're a friend of Pacifica's, then you must know ALL ABOUT this BEAUTIFUL MANSION!' Mabel interjected, draping herself on Cristian's arm. 'Perhaps you can give me the tour?' She fluttered her eyelashes at him and in that moment of distraction, Pacifica gripped Dipper's shoulders a little tighter.

'It's been so long, Dipper, shall we dance?' She was already spinning him in the direction of the dance floor, Cristian distracted and forgotten behind them.

'Uhh, sure?' They were still spinning as Pacifica moved her hands to their proper positions, leaving one on Dipper's shoulder, and moving the other to take his hand. She smiled.

Dipper was momentarily spellbound, looking in to her eyes; in that moment, the music, the clamor of people around them, everything but the way the twinkling lights played on her face was dulled.

She raised an eyebrow, still smiling, and Dipper realized that the band had finished the last song. He cleared his throat, placed his free hand on her waist, and standing up straighter, inclined his head slightly.

'Shall we dance?' He smiled, and the band took up a moderately paced waltz.

Pacifica laughed as they started to move; one-two-three, one-two-three.

'It's so good to have you back in the Falls, Dipper. Things haven't been the same without you.'

Dipper frowned. 'Stop back leading, I know what I'm doing.'

Pacifica laughed again. 'Well EXCUSE ME, Princess.' But she let him lead. 'Where did you learn to dance?'

Dipper began to relax a little as he guided their dancing in time with the music. 'Waltzing? Austria, and Hungary.' He replied absently, focusing on the sound of the music, and the movement of their feet. For a moment, he was back beside the caravan, dancing to violin and guitar around a campfire in a field. Those were good days.

He looked up at Pacifica again. 'You really do look amazing.'

'Oh Dipper, have you always been such a charmer?' Pacifica was smiling so brightly, it made Dipper feel awkward, and for another moment he focused on the dance, but Pacifica continued.

'You look pretty good yourself. You know, ladies LOVE a man in uniform.' She moved her hand from his shoulder to run her fingers down from his collar to his chest, before replacing it, and giving him a sly look.

Dipper choked. 'Yes,' He gasped 'Mabel did say something to that effect.'

Pacifica only laughed.

'I'm really enjoying this dress though, it makes my ass look fantastic.'

Dipper stiffened, and tried not to blush.

'I… hadn't noticed.'

'Well, maybe you should look? Ladies like it when you notice.'

'That they have a nice ass?' The ridiculousness of the statement made him smile.

Pacifica just laughed. At this point the tempo of the music picked up, and with it, the dance. For a few bright, thoughtless moments, Dipper and Pacifica flowed over the dance floor, laughing like children. It was over too soon.

Still laughing, Pacifica cupped Dipper's cheek.

'This was fun. We should do it again, but I have to go be a good hostess and mingle. Enjoy the party Dipper.'

She turned quickly, causing her dress to make shuffling and crinkling noises. Her ass did look amazing though. Dipper cocked his head slightly, he wouldn't have expected such a thing, but it accented the curve of her shoulders down to her hips and-

Pacifica had stopped and turned faster than Dipper could have imagined, and caught him staring. He could feel the blood rushing to his face. Caught. She held his eyes for a moment, then winked, laughing as she turned back towards the crowd.

Women were unfathomable.

Dipper decided now would be a good time for a glass of his rationed champagne, and headed towards a uniformed man holding a tray of glasses.

He was almost there when the tall, broad shouldered, shape of a man stepped in front of him.

'Dipper! What a pleasant surprise!'

Dipper knew that rich, loathsome, baritone voice anywhere.

'Preston.' Dipper said flatly.

'I was JUST thinking of you, you see, I have a proposition for you.'

'No.'

But Preston continued as though Dipper had said nothing. 'An associate of mine is having some, shall we say, issues with a work site; the kind of issues which you are uniquely suited to handle.'

'No.'

'Ahh, Dipper, this could be quite lucrative for you, perhaps even the entrance to a lucrative career in a field you excel in, and with useful contacts.'

'Preston,' Dipper grated out, 'While I appreciate that you thought of me, I have no interest in interfering with yet another well-deserved curse. If you'll excuse me, it looks as though my sister needs assistance.'

Turning on his heel, Dipper headed off across the dance floor to where it really did appear that Mabel needed an extraction; cornered by Cristian, she looked distinctly uncomfortable as he loomed ever closer. Grabbing three champagne flutes from a passing waiter, Dipper stepped in close to both Mabel and Cristian.

'What a party, huh?!' He said cheerfully, handing a glass first to Cristian, and then to a grateful looking Mabel. 'Here's to us, by God, and to our gracious hostess!' Dipper turned to salute in the direction of Pacifica, and then back towards Cristian. 'Enjoying yourself, my friend?' Dipper smiled broadly.

'Eh, yes. It is a… wonderful party, are-'

'And MABEL! What do you think of the nosh, huh? Tasty stuff, yeah?' Dipper loudly slurped his champagne, staring at Mabel intently.

'DELISH! Paxy really does know how to throw a party! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!' Mabel guffawed.

'Ah, perhaps-' Cristian began, but Dipper loudly interjected.

'See anyone else you know?'

'Why YES!' Mabel almost shrieked. Dipper, familiar with the routine winced slightly, but Cristian, unaware of Mabel's exuberance when acting, jerked backwards so hard he nearly stumbled. In his ensuing struggle for balance, Mabel grabbed Dipper's wrist and jerked him in the direction of a small circle of women across the dance floor.

'I simply MUST introduce you to Mothers Katherine and Gwynneth!'

They were halfway across the room before Cristian had regained his composure enough to look for them.

Realizing exactly which group he was headed for Dipper stalled for a moment.

'Wait a minute, Mother KATHERINE?' He said, staring at the small gathering of women. 'As in, Katherine MYERS?'

Katherine herself looked up at the mention of her name and sighed heavily, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling. Beside her, Gwynneth cackled.

'You knew this would happen sooner or later!' She crowed.

'Mabel, you know she's my boss, right? Does she know you're my sister?'

Mabel only bit her lip in reply, determination obvious on her face as she dragged him headlong towards the witches.

'You KNEW! You BOTH knew! Mabel! Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you tell me?!'

'Because it was not her business to do so, Mr. Pines.' Katherine answered for Mabel. 'You see, it has not always been so easy for those of… our nature, to coexist peacefully with those who are not. I imagine you understand why privacy is a necessity, or at the very least, an important formality.'

Dipper raised a finger to reply, but nothing came out of his open mouth.

'I can't spill the beans on someone else, bro-bro, you understand, right?' Mabel looked genuinely concerned that he wouldn't.

'I-' Dipper sighed, his shoulders sagging. 'Yeah, I get it. I completely understand.'

Mabel smiled broadly.

'I still don't like it, but I understand.' He looked up at Katherine. 'Seems a little strange though, that you would end up being my boss.'

'Mabel had legitimate financial concerns which hindered her joining our group. We desired to know more about the twin of someone we wanted to bring in to our circle. You needed a job, and are qualified to fill a position that was available in my department. People would cry "Destiny" for less. Are you unhappy with your position?'

Dipper frowned. 'No.'

'Then it would appear you are mostly upset about being caught off-guard.'

Dipper's frown deepened, but Katherine only shrugged.

'Do better next time. Don't get caught off-guard. You have a reputation for figuring things out here, and this… Town, it has changed very little in your absence, despite its growth.'

For a moment, Dipper could only stare, but the moment ended when Gwynneth began to cackle.

Slightly older than Katherine, Gwynneth seemed to be her complete opposite. Despite their period finery, Gwynneth's hair was loose, wild, and silver, with what looked like an eagle feather braided in to it. It contrasted sharply with Katherine's conservative, black, bun.

'Oh,' She said, 'You are ADORABLE! No wonder Lizzy likes you so much!' She stepped forward to pinch his cheeks. At this, Dipper's eyes widened as his eyebrows scrunched down, creating a look of shock and anger which was only marred by the deep red blush which crept up his face.

'You need to call her off.' Dipper hissed, at which Gwynneth only cackled louder.

'I will do no such thing.' Katherine said flatly.

Dipper whirled towards her, face still a ridiculous mask of outrage and embarrassment.

'Her advances are completely inappropriate, not to mention unwanted. As her… Boss, or whatever it is that you are, and a school administrator, you need to do something about it!'

'Mr. Pines,' Katherine began, as though talking to a child, 'Lizzy is an adult, and not in any of your classes. As a school administrator, I see nothing wrong with anything two adults who have no conflicting interests decide to do. As her guide and mentor within our coven, I will not deign to assume authority over her personal life. You may deal with your personal affairs as you wish, but perhaps you should try talking to her about your discomfort?'

'Or you could just give in; she IS a very pretty, young girl.' Gwynneth's crooked smile was disconcerting on its own, but 1840s evening wear provided jarring contrast which made Dipper shudder.

'Uh, yeah… Uh, perhaps I'll do just that. I think I'm ready for my second glass of champagne. Sir!' Dipper charged after a waiter with a tray of glasses, leaving Mabel with her mentors.

* * *

Dipper leaned against a wall, staring vacantly out at the dance floor, half-finished champagne in his hand. Parties were stressful. He had enjoyed dressing up, even more so with a group of people dressed similarly, and Pacifica looked fantastic, but it was a bit overwhelming to spend so much time in the company of strangers. Or witches. Or Preston. Perhaps it was time to make his exit.

In the moment that he had decided it was time to leave, Dipper noticed the large, dark, shape of a man headed in his direction with a speed that implied purpose.

'Shit.' Dipper muttered, watching Cristian barrel across the dance floor with such single-mindedness that other party-goers were forced to jump out of his way.

'Ahh yes Dipper. I was hoping to see you again.' It was only with great effort that Dipper was able to restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

'Yes. Ah, hello Cristian, are you enjoying the party?'

Cristian nodded, maintaining an expression on his face which Dipper decided was best described as grim.

'It is, of course, an excellent party, but I am somewhat irritated that you have twice stepped between me and a beautiful woman.'

Dipper's head turned so fast that the champagne in his glass slopped over the side, and he stared at Cristian, who finally smiled.

'I did not realize that I had such competition here, especially for the attention of Miss Northwest.'

'I assure you, Cristian, there is no competition.' Whether this was because Pacifica was out of Cristian's league, or his own, Dipper couldn't decide, but he did know that Cristian gave him a weird vibe, and he had no desire to compete with him over anything.

'This is good, as it is my intention to marry in to the Northwest family; such a move would be very advantageous to both of our families.'

Dipper could only stare; it was like being in an awful television show. Was this guy for real? Could he hear the way he sounded?

'Well, that's… uh, lovely for you. For you both. I think I need another glass of champagne, mine is empty.'

Looking at his glass, Dipper realized that it wasn't, and drank what was left of it before depositing it on a nearby table.

'If you'll excuse me?' Dipper backed away for a few steps, and then found himself slipping through the crowd, heading in a direction that did not appear to have any witches or psychotic business moguls. While en route, Dipper grabbed a glass from a passing tray, only to have the server stop to inform him that it was his third.

Great. Dipper wondered if he could remember where some of the secret passageways were, it would be nice to slip away for a few minutes… hours. He didn't want to push Mabel to leave early, but he definitely needed a break from the commotion.

'Dipper?'

Dipper stiffened. At first, in his distraction, he couldn't place the voice, and the thought of further human interaction caused the beginnings of a headache.

'Dipper, are you alright?'

He turned, it was Pacifica, of course. He smiled.

'I'm just; I have a little bit of a headache.'

'Too much champagne?' Pacifica asked, a smile half formed on her lips.

'Probably not enough. Wasn't expecting to meet so many people here.'

Pacifica laughed. 'It is a party, silly. But hey, want to take a break from the noise? I'm a little overwhelmed myself, was gonna dip out for a few minutes. You could join me if you like…'

She was smiling, and Dipper could only stare. Had she always been so radiant?

'I… uh… yeah! Yeah, that'd be great.'

Real smooth, Dipper.

Pacifica grabbed Dipper's wrist and ducked behind a column, and then behind the band stage, dragging him in a mad dash towards the kitchens.

Someone was holding the doors open, but Pacifica was moving too fast, and Dipper had to concentrate on his footing, and avoiding hot plates and trays and cooks moving pots and pans. The kitchen was busy, but Pacifica seemed to pay it no mind, dragging Dipper, heedless of the obstacles.

And suddenly they were out of the kitchens again.

In the sudden stillness, Dipper found himself in a long, narrow hallway, with simple carpeting and dim lights. For a moment, he basked in the silence. Pacifica seemed to enjoy it, too.

Pacifica.

At some point she had shifted from gripping his wrist to holding his hand. They were still holding hands. Dipper stared at his hand.

Pacifica seemed to realize this at the same moment, and made eye-contact with Dipper before blushing and retracting her hand quickly.

Dipper also blushed.

'Umm, this way.' Pacifica said, finally.

She turned with a swish, and walked purposefully down the hall. For a moment, Dipper could only stare, though he broke his reverie with the remembrance of being caught, previously, and trotted after her.

'Where are we going?'

Pacifica turned to grin at Dipper. 'It's a surprise.' Blushing a little more, she grabbed his hand again, swinging it with her step. 'Come on! I'll show you!'

* * *

Dipper had forgotten how big the house was. Wandering what seemed like endless hallways, and a few sets of stairs, they had come to a section of the house that seemed more lived in. Dipper thought he remembered being in this part of the house once or twice before, but couldn't be sure. Aside from the various objects of wealth, the halls looked very much the same. It reminded him of a fancy hotel, though he'd never say so out loud.

Finally, they came to a pair of glass doors looking in on what appeared to be a small library and study. As they stopped for Pacifica to open the doors, Dipper noticed that the paintings on the walls were not the same as those typically displayed throughout the house.

'Pacifica,' Dipper began.

'Pax.' She corrected, absently, opening the doors wide and sweeping in to the comparably small room. Her bright green elegance stood in stark contrast to the brown leather and red velvet of the furnishings.

'Right. These paintings…' Dipper trailed off.

Halfway across the room, Pacifica paused, then looked up at the paintings and smiled sadly.

'This is my study,' she said quietly. 'I can't have them out and around the house, people would talk, but I think it's a good reminder of what my family is capable of, and it provides me with a great deal of motivation to do better.'

With that said, she whirled again towards a small door on the opposite side, and strode purposefully over to open it. The door led to a small balcony overlooking the back of the manor, and over towards the west and north, away from the lights of town.

Pacifica turned back to Dipper, 'C'mon, we don't have all night.' Then she giggled, and disappeared in to the night.

Somewhat reluctantly, Dipper followed. On the balcony, he found Pacifica looking through a telescope which was fixed to the balcony.

'Wow,' Dipper murmured. 'This is really nice.'

Pacifica looked up from the telescope. 'Yeah, it's kind of an escape place. Mom and Dad know about it, but if I'm out here they usually leave me alone… Here, take a look.'

She gestured to the telescope, but Dipper didn't immediately go to it.

'What are you looking at?' Squinting, Dipper tried to figure out what the telescope was fixed on.

'Oh, just look, will you?'

Muttering, Dipper leaned over the telescope and looked. For a few seconds, he just stared. Straightening, he looked at Pacifica again, and then up at the sky.

'Andromeda is beautiful.' He said at last.

'I'd have thought you knew what I was looking at from the constellation.'

Dipper shrugged. 'Y'know, I never got all that in to astronomy, what with the freckles and all…' He trailed off. 'It's pretty neat looking up at an entire galaxy, though.'

Pacifica looked up at the sky.

'…Yeah, really makes you wonder about what's out there.'

For a long moment, there was silence between them as they stared at the night sky, filled with twinkling stars, then Pacifica sighed.

'We should probably get back to the party.' She smiled at Dipper. 'But this was fun! Thanks for giving me an excuse to get away from the crowds. Parties are exhausting.'

Dipper chuckled. 'Yeah, and thank you, for showing me your secret clubhouse.'

Pacifica rolled her eyes as she shoved him gently.

'Come on, nerd.'

* * *

Dipper found Mabel chatting up a young gentleman in a period tux with gloves. Dipper couldn't decide if he was part of the staff or not. Mabel looked riotously drunk; blushing, slurring, and constantly leaning in to touch the patient man across from her. Dipper excused himself to the man as he guided Mabel towards a server carrying glasses of water.

'You're drunk, Mabel.' Dipper said, smiling.

'I am.' She said, matter-of-factly. 'The fuck is it to you?'

'It's time go home, Mable. It's pretty late.'

'Aww, but the hot guy.' She whined, extending her arms to grasp in the direction of the well dressed young man. He waved, but made no move to follow.

Resigned, Mabel dropped her arms and squinted at Dipper.

'And where have YOU been, sir? Chatting up some pretty ladies?' She waggled her eyebrows, staggered for a moment, then giggled.

'I was looking at the stars, actually.' Dipper said casually, guiding Mabel by the shoulders towards the door.

'Oh? I noticed that you weren't the only one missing… were you just… having coffee?'

Dipper blushed, but spoke casually. 'No, just cold air.' As he walked across the main hall, Dipper noticed that his exit did not go unnoticed. The eyes of a few guests followed his path.

'Fuckin' parties.' Dipper muttered, but as they got to door, he noticed that Pacifica was also watching him, and she was smiling, and immediately, Dipper was smiling.

He turned back towards the door. 'You're right though, I've definitely got a thing for Pacifica.'

Mabel's face was the picture of elation.

'WHAAAAT?' She staggered again, giggling.

Dipper couldn't help but laugh with her.

'She's got a really nice ass, too.'


	24. Negotiation

It was too bright, and too early, but Mabel's phone buzzed loudly on the plastic cup it was precariously balanced on top of. Any second now...

'YOU'RE A RICH GIRL, AND YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR, CAUSE YOU KNOW IT DON'T MATTER ANYWAAA-AAY'

Mabel groaned. She was hoping she didn't have to answer it, but it was Pacifica. For a few moments, she considered letting it go to voice mail, but Hall and Oates blaring over her phone had already shattered her sleep. She snickered at the song, Pacifica hated it.

Sighing, she reached for her phone, knocking over the cup in the process, causing one of the cats to panic and bolt, and Kibbeth to raise her head and stare over at her from her dog bed in the corner.

'Lo?' Mabel mumbled in to the phone.

'Mabel?' Pacifica sounded as though she'd been crying.

'Hey honey, you okay?'

'Mostly.' She sniffed. 'Dad was an ass at breakfast.'

'Oh, sweetie, what'd he do now?' Mabel rolled on to her back to stare at the ceiling. Preston was one of the few people who could really push Pacifica's buttons; he knew her every weakness, and seemed to never lose his cool when pointing them out, even when Pacifica herself exploded in his face.

'He was complaining about the party.'

Mabel winced at this. Parties were important to the Northwest family, an opportunity to show off their wealth, strengthen alliances, and schmooze with potential friends and business partners. Pacifica had been put in charge of them before, but never for Pioneer Day, an important day for the Northwest family even if a few people knew their family's true historical insignificance.

'Mostly about Dipper.'

Now, this was a surprise. 'What happened with Dipper?'

'Apparently dad wanted to connect him with some friends of his who need, uhh, a specific kind of help.'

Mabel sighed. Dipper hated Preston, and still hadn't forgiven him for the curse thing from years back; he'd have seen the offer as a scam, and an insult to his intelligence.

'And the deal's legit?'

Pacifica blew her nose. 'Yeah, some mining operation out in the gorge is having... mechanical issues. They think that's it's the kind of thing Dipper would know about.'

Over the years, they had gotten used to avoiding speaking directly about the paranormal over the phone, especially when connecting directly to either Dipper or Ford; on more than one occasion they had alerted unwanted listeners to plans and projects which were either illegal, or so groundbreaking that the government had wanted to 'take them in to safekeeping'.

'You want me to talk to him?'

'You think you can change his mind?'

'No, but I think I can soften him up some, and YOU can change his mind.' Mabel smiled, she had an idea.

'How?' She sniffed, but she already sounded better.

'Okay, you know those jeans your mom hates so much?'

'My mom hates all jeans. She thinks they're unladylike.'

'Yeah, but the cutoffs, the really old ones that are starting go soft.'

'Yeah?'

'Come over. Wear those and... I dunno, a cute top. Bring a change for the Country Club, too. When we're done here, we'll go play a couple rounds and day drink. Sound good?'

'Yeah, actually that sounds like fun, but what about Dipper? What am I supposed to tell him?'

'Tell him that he owes you. He does, and make sure he sees your ass before you talk to him. I understand he has a rather high opinion of it.'

Pacifica choked, and then giggled nervously.

'He, uh, told you that, did he?'

'He might have said something.'

'What's he doing now?'

Mabel rolled over and pulled down some of the blinds to look out the window where Dipper was training his protégés.

'He's chasing the ghostbuster kids with what looks like... a sword.'

'I'm sorry, could you repeat that?'

'He's training his kids or something. They're here a lot now.'

'These are the students who follow him around?'

'Yeah. They've gotten pretty serious about all of it, the martial arts, the science, the weird. They're all in.'

'And he's chasing them with a sword?'

'Yeah, as you do. Hurry up and get over here or I'm going back to sleep. I have a monster hangover.'

Pacifica giggled. 'Alright, see you in a few.'

* * *

'DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?!' Dipper bellowed, swinging his long, straight sword at Gina's face; the razor sharp blade making a whistling noise as it cut through the air. Gina, her face a mask of terror ducked at the last minute, diving to roll just under Dipper's swing. Bracing herself on her hands, she kicked back at Dipper's unguarded legs. Shifting his stance, Dipper spun and kicked at her face, only for Gina to roll, grab his leg and kick his other leg out from under him. Dipper rolled, putting himself within striking distance of Ethan, at whom he immediately lunged, driving his sword towards his opponent's chest. Ethan turned, kicking at Dipper's wrist, launching the sword in to the bushes as Mark attacked him from behind; dropping a shovel like a sledgehammer directly at Dipper's exposed neck. Dipper was only just able to turn and catch the shovel blade.

'HOLD!' He yelled, still focused on the shovel, inches in front of his face. 'Very good. You guys are getting tough.' He gently put the shovel down and stood. 'Gina, your reflexes are excellent, great aim on that last kick, but you've still got your supporting foot up on your toes, and that's bad for your ankles and your sacrificing balance. Ethan, good footwork, but don't worry so much; learning what to use where will come. You'll learn to think and react faster as we continue to do these sparring exercises; that's why we do them. Mark; you're sloppy, but great improv. Though, let's hold off on using weapons in these group exercises until we've had a little more practice. I know I said give it your all, but that could have ended very poorly for me.'

Mark leaned in some. 'What could I do better?'

Dipper hesitated. 'You're shoulders are still up whenever you use your arms, and your stances are weak. Don't rush through the drills, try to get your stances perfect every time, and we'll work up to doing them faster once you're always doing them right.'

Dipper looked at his students and smiled. They were progressing very well, and he was proud of their dedication.

'Okay, sit down and stretch. Do you have any questions on the lecture?'

Dropping in to various stretches, the students looked at each other nervously. Dipper had begun doing the lecture before the work out, with questions after, to work on recall, and his students were still getting used to it.

Gina looked up. 'So, it's not exactly about the lecture, but with all the stuff that we've seen here in Gravity Falls, why isn't there more… attention? Why don't people talk about this? Why didn't I hear about any of this before I came to school here?'

Dipper scratched his head. 'Well, it's sort of a long story, but there used to be this… organization. A kind of secret society that erased people's memories whenever they saw stuff that was… out of the ordinary.'

With every word, Mark's eyes got wider. 'I knew it.' He said breathlessly. 'It all makes sense!'

'What?' Dipper said, confused. 'Have you heard of stuff like this before?'

Mark nodded solemnly. 'I've been reading about them for some time, but I never imagined they'd have a stronghold here in Gravity Falls, there must be something of immense importance here.'

Dipper laughed nervously. 'Maybe? What do you know? What do you think it is?'

'Sneople.' He said gravely.

Gina rolled her eyes, and Ethan coughed politely before turning to look elsewhere.

'I'm sorry, what?' Dipper said, even more confused.

'Sneople!' Mark insisted. 'Snake People; it's a secret cabal of interdimensional reptilian humanoids bent on world domination!'

Dipper could only stare.

'Mark, I can assure you, that at least in this case, it was not Sneople.' Dipper made an odd face while pronouncing the name, as though saying it was difficult, or left a bad taste in his mouth. 'I was involved with disbanding the group. It was a bunch of community activists trying to prevent hysteria in the town by erasing the memories of witnesses to paranormal events. Mabel and I wiped their memories of the organization and over the years since, compiled or destroyed most of the evidence of their existence. Now the town is quiet about this stuff because of the Weirdmageddon, and to avoid unnecessary attention. Works better for everyone this way.'

'Ahh, I see.' Mark said, studying the ground as he processed the information. Suddenly he looked up at Dipper. 'What's the Weirdmageddon?'

'Ahh, that's a bit of a long story.' Dipper said, nervously scratching his neck.

At just this moment, a bright red, convertible sports car flew into the drive, scattering rocks and dust as it came. Behind the wheel was Pacifica. Hair loose, aviator sunglasses, and dressed as casually as Dipper had ever seen her. Plane, white tee shirts generally didn't fly in the circles she ran with. Dipper was even more surprised when she got out of the car. If tee shirts weren't her thing, cut off jeans DEFINITELY didn't belong where she went, but they definitely fit her. Dipper couldn't help but stare as she turned and bent over the back seat to pull out her golf clubs. They DEFINITELY fit her.

'Damn.' Mark said, quietly

'Close your mouth, honey, you'll catch flies.' Gina was looking at him. Had he been that obvious? His mind was completely blank, and Pacifica drew his eyes like a magnet. What had he been talking about?

Pacifica was walking towards the shack when she turned and noticed them.

'Oh, Hey Dipper!' She nodded towards his students and smiled, 'Ghostbuster kids.'

'Hey, Pacifica.' Dipper smiled and stood to greet her properly. 'I'd give you a hug, but I'm a little sweaty. What are you up to today?'

'Pax, Dipper, please call me Pax.'

'Right, right. Pax.'

'I'm gonna hang out with Mabel for a while, maybe do some gardening, then we're gonna go to the Club and play a few rounds.'

'Sounds like fun. Hey, thanks for inviting me to the party last night, it was a lot of fun.' He couldn't stop smiling.

'Yeah, yeah it was.' Pacifica was smiling too. She was so pretty…

'Hey, my dad mentioned he was talking to you about a business deal?' Pacifica said casually, dropping her golf clubs to her side. 'Seemed kind of important.'

'Pacifica, I'm really not interested in doing work for your dad. You know we don't exactly… get along.' Dipper grimaced. Behind him, he could see Gina rolling her eyes and Ethan studiously avoiding watching the conversation. Mark was still staring at Pacifica.

Pacifica huffed, cocking her hip to lean against her golf bag, and Dipper's heart began to race again; he could feel the beginning of a blush creeping up his neck. Those shorts looked really good on her.

'Dipper,' she whined, 'It's really important, these guys are potential business partners, and they have a serious problem, the kind that you're really good at solving.' She was biting her lip, and Dipper could only stare.

'But-' Dipper began, trying to come up with a proper response; he really didn't want to have anything to do with Preston, or his friends, but he was having trouble forming the idea into acceptable words. Suddenly Pacifica sharpened, staring him dead in the eyes. He was paralyzed.

'Plus, you OWE me, Dipper. If you ever want me to fly some large, dangerous, cryptid across international borders, ILLEGALLY, ever again, you're gonna have to help me out sometimes, too.' She smiled again. 'You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.'

Dipper's mind was suddenly filled with the image of Pacifica's back from her period dress, and the prospect of scratching it.

'Uhh, sure. Right, of course. Makes perfect sense. Do you have their phone number?'

Pacifica smiled, bending to pick up the bag again. Dipper was starting to feel somewhat lightheaded, had he been outside too long?

'I'll text it to you.' She said smiling. As she turned towards the Shack she looked back at Dipper. 'You kids play nice!' And then she winked.

Dipper just stared.

'That girl has you wrapped around her finger.' Came Gina's voice from behind him.

'Huh- what?' Dipper turned, then blushed. Gina had an enormous grin on her face, and Mark was still staring after Pacifica.

'She is really pretty.' Mark said.

Ethan cleared his throat, still blushing and looking out at the woods.

'Could we, uh, finish the lesson, please?'

* * *

Pacifica had to work hard not to run to the Shack. Nice and slow, she told herself. Breathe. Finally at the door, she threw herself inside, slamming the door behind her and leaning up against it, her face turning bright red as she slid down to sit on the floor. Mabel was just inside, her face lit up with glee.

'That was perfect.' She said quietly.

'Can we skip the hanging out, and go straight the day drinking? That was a little much this early.'

'Sure, no worries, I'll go get changed. Just be sure to rub your dad's nose in this, right? Cause it's important him to know that you know how to work with Dipper.'

Pacifica frowned. 'Dipper's not gonna like this when he figures out that I'm manipulating him.'

'Probably not, but he'll appreciate that you're getting one over on your dad. He won't mind if it's to help you out… especially if you let him touch your butt.'

Pacifica choked. 'What! I… I probably would let him touch my butt.' She said, sheepishly. Her faced burned red.


	25. Further Negotiation

Dipper stared down at his phone. Pacifica had texted him the contact information for this business connection before she and Mabel had bolted from the house, laughing, to head off to the Country Club. Women were strange. He looked up at his students.

'Who's up for a practical lesson?'

* * *

They took the jeep. The site was a little off the beaten path, and Dipper was satisfied that the jeep had been put back together well enough that he could drive it off road some, even if his modifications weren't complete yet. Plus, with the titanium bringing the weight down, it got amazing gas mileage.

The man Dipper had spoken to, an Ed something, had informed him that the site was pretty muddy, and difficult to get to. He wasn't kidding. The road had been partially washed out for a mile coming in, and the tires sank deep in the wet clay. It was a miracle that they didn't have to get out and push at any point.

Upon arriving at the site, Dipper could see that the mud problem was definitely worse there. Construction equipment sat idle, having sunk as much as a foot into the wet ground all across what looked like an untouched construction site.

Dipper parked in the driest area he could find, directing his students to gather branches to throw in the mud and displace the weight of the jeep, hoping this would be enough to keep it from sinking while they were working things out.

There weren't very many people around the site, but only one of them was wearing a jacket. Dipper guessed that he wasn't expecting to work up a sweat that day and approached him in the hopes that he was some sort of authority.

'Uhh, hi. I'm Dipper.' He extended his hand as he approached the middle aged man.

The man looked up from his cell phone and studied Dipper for a moment. His sandy brown hair was slightly wet from the moisture on everything around the site, and his blue eyes were surrounded by wrinkles from long hours of squinting outdoors.

Finally, he extended his hand.

'Pleased to meet you, Dipper. I'm Ed. Preston said you might be by.' He pronounced the name with enough familiarity to Dipper pause. Initially he had assumed the man was simply the foreman of the site, but Preston would never associate himself with someone so beneath his position.

'What seems to be the problem?'

Ed shrugged, and then gestured around the site.

'Damn place keeps flooding. My surveyors said it was perfect for exploration: Good soil, low moisture, unlikely to contaminate local water supplies; but as soon as we've got the equipment here, damn place starts flooding. Haven't had any rain, it just comes right up through the ground. Next we start getting overturned equipment, then the equipment starts driving around by itself. Had to get most of the crew out after someone's nearly crushed by a backhoe last week. Whole thing's a mess.'

He looked out at the equipment, overturned and sinking in mud.

'Fuckin' shit show…' He seemed reluctant, but finally he said 'Think you can do somethin' about it?'

Dipper looked out at the scene, only now fully realizing the extent of the damage.

'I'll do whatever I can, but I can't promise you anything; whatever this is, it looks pretty nasty, but if I'm going to get anywhere, I'll need your full cooperation. Things like this can have really odd causes; a generational curse, or haunted item. Could just be a burial site here, though that's usually pretty easy to take care of.' Dipper smiled. 'I'll do what I can, Ed, and that's usually pretty damn good.'

Finally, Ed smiled too, and they shook hands again.

'So, what do you know? I imagine you've got a few cameras on the trailers, any useful footage?'

'Not a damn thing. Static starts to come in on some nights, and we get nothing for a couple hours. Sometimes there's damage, sometimes there isn't, but we've never caught anyone.'

Dipper sighed.

'Sounds like we're gonna have to do a stake out.'

* * *

'What time is it?'

'Shh!'

'No seriously, I have class in the morning.'

'Shhhh!'

Mark sighed, then shivered against the damp wind.

Dipper and his three students sat on a bench under a shade tent in the construction site, waiting for the vandals to arrive.

'Are you sure this circle thing is going to work?' Mark whispered skeptically.

Dipper glanced sidewise at him. 'Didn't you successfully summon a demon with a 'circle thing'?'

A length of string had been tied to the base of the tent poles, encircling the small group, with a few small charms tied at odd intervals. The charmed circle was meant to prevent magical detection, but was still obvious to the casual observer, though the shadow from the tent obscured them from view in the dark of the night.

They had been sitting at the picnic table in relative silence for hours, watching the work site with no sign of activity.

'Guys, really,' Mark began again.

'Shh!' Ethan said harshly, pointing in the direction of the far end of the site. Lights were just beginning to come in to view. Slowly, a group of ten to fifteen figures began to emerge from the woods, wearing cloaks, and carrying torches. They appeared excited, sometimes skipping or laughing, and snatches of song drifted towards Dipper and his group. The hooded figures made their way towards the center of the site, where they stopped, planted their torches and set down a few backpacks.

Gina moved to get up, but Dipper grabbed her shoulder.

'Wait.' He whispered.

As they were setting up, some of the figures threw back their hoods, revealing familiar faces. Dipper sighed.

'Fuck.'

'What is it? What's going on?' Mark said, forgetting to whisper again.

'It's my sister's witch friends.' He said to shocked faces.

Dipper got up and headed towards the group. Before he was even fifty yards away, they had all stopped speaking and turned towards him.

'What. The Fuck. Are YOU doing here?'

'It's nice to see you too, Kaylee, and I'd ask you the same, but I'm pretty sure I already know.' Dipper sighed. 'So, what's the deal?'

'We're doing our duty as members of the magickal community around Gravity Falls to protect the peoples and creatures of the forests and wild lands! And you'd be helping us if you cared at all about them!'

'I wasn't invited.' Dipper said, flatly.

Recognizing Dipper, and that he was unlikely to be a danger to them, the members of the coven began throwing back their hoods. Dipper recognized a few from Soos' house, and the party after Mabel found Kibbeth.

'So which peoples and creatures are you protecting this evening?'

Kaylee stiffened. 'We don't have to tell you anything.'

'Does it really have to be like this? I'm just here to figure out what's going on.'

'You're here at the behest of Preston Northwest, and I refuse to let you interfere with our work in protecting Gravity Falls.'

'Really? Don't you know anything about-' He stopped, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding the breath for a moment before letting it go again. 'Can we please just be civil? You must know that I care a great deal about this place.'

Kaylee only stared. Dipper sighed, and turned towards the woods.

'Good evening!' He yelled. The sudden noise causing the witches to stop what they were doing and stare, once again.

'My name is Dipper Pines, though you may know me better as…' He stopped to take a deep breath before continuing. 'You may know me better as Pine Tree!'

He stopped, surveying the tree line in silence.

'Pine Tree? Really?'

'Shut it, Kaylee.' He hissed, then continuing to shout; 'I'm here to negotiate-!'

'Are yeh relly th' Pine Trree?' A short, stocky figure stepped from the shadowed side of a granite boulder protruding from the ground not far from where they stood. It almost looked as though he had materialized from the face of the rock. His accent sounded like something between Celtic and the sound of rocks grinding. Stepping in to the light of the torches, Dipper could see that the man was wearing filthy, denim overalls, a black t shirt, and work boots.

'I am,' he responded cautiously.

The short man squinted at Dipper.

'Aye, yeh doo haev 'is look.' He nodded. 'Ahh'm Jack Haemmer.' He grinned at Dipper, extending his hand, which Dipper had to squat to shake. On closer inspection, both his eyes and his teeth were completely black, and shiny like obsidian.

'A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hammer.' Dipper said formally, slightly inclining his head.

'Aye, laekwase. Nao, tael me of yeh'r tehrms.'

'Whoa, hang on, I'm not really even sure what's going on here, I didn't know who I'd be negotiating with until this evening, why don't you start by telling me about your grievances, and we'll go from there.'

The small man regarded Dipper again, stroking his chin.

Kaylee spoke up, filling the momentary silence.

'They want to do an open pit mine. Gold. It means destruction not just for Jack here, and the entire city of his kin which lies beneath our feet, but also a grove of woodnymphs with whom he and his people work and coexist. We're here to make sure that doesn't happen. By any means necessary.'

'Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that.' Dipper said without turning. 'Jack, would it be possible for you and yours to work with the mining company?'

'Why would they do something like _that_?' Kaylee spat with considerable venom.

'Tommyknockers do.'

Mark's ears perked at this, 'Tommyknockers? You mean like in that-'

'No.' Dipper and Kaylee said, simultaneously.

Jack considered this for a moment.

'Aye,' He said thoughtfully, 'Me Gran was a 'knacker, bet Eh'd haff t' speck wi' ta Union.'

'And the Nymphs?'

Dipper looked at Kaylee. 'I guess we'll have to work out something with them, too. Jack,' he said, turning back again. 'Are they here? Can we talk to them?'

'Thay'rre a mate shy.' He said, looking off towards the tree line. 'Thay mee need ta moof eff thay maine 'ere. Thah sumtin yeh kin doo?'

'The equipment exists, so I'm sure we can work something out, but using it, especially up here would be difficult and expensive. Is mining here even worth that?'

Jack looked off towards the tree line for a moment again, considering the weight of the question he had just been asked.

'Aye.' He said finally. 'Tis amoung ta bayst maines in Orrigun.'

'Alright then. If you like, I can call Ed, he's the foreman here, and get him down here tonight.'

'Tha FOREMAN, waell nah…' Jack stroked his chin for a moment. 'Ah'll gwin an 'lert ta Boss.' He smiled again, his shiny black teeth gleaming in the light of the torches.

* * *

'Yeah, they're willing to discuss terms.' Dipper spoke on his phone, a short distance from the crowd where his students mingled with Mabel's coven, and a few Woodnymphs who had come over once Jack had waved that it was safe to do so. 'Yeah, I think so, and he said it was a great location.' Dipper looked over towards the boulder where Jack had appeared. 'No, right now… Yes, right now, can you get out here?' One of the nymphs seemed to be flirting with Mark, he'd have to have a talk with him about that. 'No, I really don't think a lawyer would work for this kind of thing… Alright, see you then.' Dipper ended the call and then looked over at the crowd again. That nymph really had Mark turned around. Dipper sighed, and walked back.

'Alright then!' Dipper cried, wrapping one arm around Mark's shoulders and the other around those of the Woodnymph. 'Ed's on his way, and we can sort all of this out for everyone, yes? In the mean time, shall we enjoy the evening?' Dipper smiled broadly. Upon closer inspection, Mark had a glazed look in his eyes as he stared at the nymph. They were beautiful; their skin various shades of green and illuminated by the magic within them, their hair woven with leaves and blossoms, and flowers bloomed wherever they stepped; they laughed with a noise like wind in the trees. Dipper sighed, nymphs were beautiful, and sincere, but didn't see the world as humans did.

The night began to fill with song, as the coven laid and lit a bonfire from wood generously donated by nymphs, and both spirit and human danced in the firelight. Dipper sat nearby, huddled in his coat, and watched the merriment until Gina approached him, slightly winded but smiling broadly.

'C'mon teach! Come dance with us!'

Dipper looked at her sideways, considering. 'Nah.' He said finally. 'Not really my thing.'

Gina laughed. 'Come on, you're not THAT old.'

'Nah, nah, really. I'm good.'

Gina laughed again, but shrugged and skipped back to the fire. For a moment, Dipper was left in the quiet darkness, and he used this opportunity to retrieve his flask and take a sip of the scotch he'd brought 'just in case'. It warmed him for a moment, and left the taste of smoke, tobacco, and vanilla in his mouth. The quiet of the moment was broken again by approaching footsteps, this time from one of the witches. Dipper scowled, he was never sure how these interactions would go, and the uncertainty always made him somewhat uncomfortable. It was the bookish one, from their meeting at Soos' house.

'Jenna, right?'

She looked surprised, but nodded and sat down next to him, staring out at the mad capering of humans and the graceful dancing of the nymphs. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Dipper took another swig from his flask, pulling it away from his face, he saw Jenna's outstretched hand, waiting.

He hesitated.

'Are you old enough for this?'

To which she only cocked an eyebrow, leaving her arm out until Dipper handed her the flask.

'So what's the deal? You come out here to sit in the dark just to mooch off my liquor?'

Jenna took a swig, scowled and shook her head vigorously, then exhaled her held breath.

'Nah, just wanted to see what you're about. Reconnaissance and all that.' She smiled deviously.

'You're one of Lizzy's friends.'

'Well yes, but information on you is useful to my OTHER sisters too, you know. You're still something of a mystery to us, even with your sister. She's rather closed off about anything to do with you.' She peered at him through round glasses. 'Anyway.' She said, turning quickly back towards the fire and leaning back on her arms. 'I came over to play a game, of sorts. Questions. You can ask me anything about the Coven, or Magick, or whatever, and I will answer it to the best of my knowledge and the extent that my vows allow. In exchange, I will ask you questions about yourself, which you will answer in kind. Sound fair?'

For a moment, Dipper sat staring at the fire.

'Nah.' He said, grinning over at her. 'I'm good.'

Jenna stared at Dipper in complete shock, opening and closing her mouth soundlessly. Dipper only smiled. After a moment, Jenna held up her hand, one finger extended skyward as though she was about to begin lecturing Dipper about why he should comply, but at just that moment, a muddy, black SUV pulled up to the site. Without bothering to park properly, the car stopped, and Ed jumped out of the driver's seat, holding in one hand a notepad and pen, and in the other a thermos and stack of disposable cups. He stopped upon seeing the rather large group dancing in the middle of his work site, and stared openmouthed until Dipper arrived next to him, followed shortly by Jenna.

'Who… who are all these people? And what… are… what? What is going on here?'

'Umm, negotiation? I know it all looks rather strange, but this isn't terribly uncommon. The green people are Dryads, or Woodnymphs, tree spirits, and there's a whole bunch of them living right there.' Dipper pointed to the woods on the east end of the site. 'The people are mostly witches. A local Coven which has agreed to help with moving the tree spirits if or when that becomes necessary.' At this statement, Jenna began to lift her finger again, preparing to say something, but Dipper kicked her in the ankle and continued. 'There are some dwarves, too. They're getting their people together for the actual negotiations, since they're a little harder to move, and may actually beneficial to the mining activities.' Dipper sniffed. 'Is that coffee?'

Ed sniffed, 'I dunno, is that scotch?'

Dipper laughed. 'It's been a long night. Trade? You're gonna need it, things are about to get pretty weird.'

Ed thought for a moment, then nodded, setting down the cups and pouring out coffee as Dipper withdrew his flask and set it on the hood of the truck.

'What do you mean we're going to help?' Jenna hissed.

'Would you rather I told him why you're really here?' Dipper hissed back. 'Plus, if we do move the nymphs, we're going to need your help, and I highly doubt you'll turn us down on that.'

'Coffee?' Ed said, extending a cup first to Jenna, then to Dipper, before taking a generous swig from the flask. 'Alright!' He said, holding the flask back to Dipper. 'Let's get this done!'

* * *

They sat at the picnic table, which had been brought over to the bonfire, staring across at each other. Ed with his hands folded on the table, and the foreman of the Dwarvish Mining Union, Jack's uncle Brynn, sat stroking a silver beard on the other side.

Ed unfolded his hands in a welcoming sort of gesture, cleared his throat, and began.

'I'm not certain how all this is supposed to work.' He looked over at Dipper cautiously, but continued. 'I've never done business with… uh, anyone quite like you before, but I imagine in this case things are pretty similar to how they go in most cases. I'd like to have a mine here. We think there's a decent chance of making a sizable profit, and we didn't expect anyone to be living here when we set up shop, so… sorry about that. How can we make this work?'

'Ha!' Brynn's laugh was the sound of hammer on stone.

'Issun ah gurt dyn fah spekin, huh?' He bellowed his laughter once more, finally doubling over, wheezing, as Ed watched in fascinated horror. 'Gallwch gloddio, ond heff yehr finnin cam ya hier.'

Ed continued to stare.

'Eh, m'oncle sed 'eel layt yehr folk maine 'ere, bet yeh'll be keppin' 'aff o' th'ore yeh'll faind.' Jack said, after a moment.

'Umm, he said-' Dipper began.

'Half? No, that won't do.' Ed shook his head absently. 'You already have a working mine where I'm sure you're already extracting a decent amount that we'll never be able to reach. I don't think we'd break even on half. It's not worth it, especially if we have to move the woodnymphs on our own dime. Why don't we figure out the other specifics before we get down to the money? I guess the pit is out of the question, do we need to do this the old fashioned way? I've heard the old rules for dealing with 'knockers, we go the same for here?'

At this, Brynn looked slightly taken aback. He paused, then leaned over to hold a whispered conversation with Jack. Finally they both stood and looked at Ed, and Jack spoke.

'Yeh ken yooz yehr beg mehcheenz as yeh lake tah stehrt the maine, bah wehl no hev 'em once yehr dohn. Han' tuls onleh. Daynamaite's faine. Lehsten fehr tah knackin', weh'll wern yeh fer tah rucks. Yeh'll stert were theht gurt mehcheen's bin flepped therre.' He pointed, smiling at the wrecked bulldozer. 'Street dohn, a hun'red mehters, an' west fra' therre. Lehsten fehr tah knacks.'

'Alright then, next item of business.'

* * *

'That was a hell of a thing you did for me, Dipper.'

The negotiations had gone through the night, and in to the early morning. Sometime around sunrise Ed had come to an agreement with Brynn, through Jack and Dipper, that would allow for a mine with the cooperation of the local Dwarves, as well as the relocation of the Dryads to a mountaintop restoration project.

'What do I owe you?'

They were walking back towards the office where Ed promised there was coffee waiting for them, and Dipper stopped short, causing Ed to turn towards him.

'Owe…? I hadn't really thought about it, I was really just doing this as a favor to a friend.'

Ed laughed.

'You've got to be kidding me. You know, there are other people who do what you do, and they charge an arm and a leg for their work. Not to mention that I've never heard of someone getting a thing like this done in one night. You could make a fortune doing this.'

'I'm… really just a teacher.'

'Heh, look, you have my number, call me when you decide on something like a rate, and we'll go from there. I'd like to recommend you to some colleagues, but only if they're gonna pay you for your work. This world could use people more like you.'

* * *

It was a few hours before an exhausted Dipper and company made it back to town, stopping first at the diner for more coffee and something to eat.

'GOOOD MORNING FRIENDS!'

Of course, Mabel was working. Her excited chatter served as a constant background noise while Dipper mechanically worked through a short stack of pancakes and bacon, and what seemed like an entire pot of black coffee. Gina, too, seemed to be forcing herself to eat something despite her obvious exhaustion. Mark and Ethan were still asleep in the car.

'You know, I figured out who the hot guy from the party was! He tucked a note into my hat! His name is JACK.' She crowed.

'Hmm.'

'We have a date on SAAATUUURDAAAY!'

She seemed to dance around the table, singing her words in anticipation.

'Hmm.' Dipper replied again.

'Are you alright?' Mabel asked, suddenly concerned.

'Could I have some more coffee?'


	26. Another day in the life

Pacifica sighed as she stared at the email from her mother. Another date with Cristian. Why was he still in town? He had no business in Oregon that she was aware of, and her father had mostly ignored him at the party. Idly, she twirled a finger in her hair as her eyes unfocused. She considered what Cristian might be doing there, aside from occupying what little free time she had available, glanced at the clock and sighed again. Half past six. If she was going to get anything done today, she had to get started.

Pacifica stood, pushing back the rolling chair that sat behind her desk, and stretched. She would have to skip some of her regular routine in order to get everything done, but she was due for a cheat day.

'Jonathan?' She spoke in to the intercom, 'I need to you to clear my morning. I have a few projects to attend to.'

'Yes miss.' Came the crisp response.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Pacifica rolled up the drive to the shack. Considering how late Dipper had been up, and the importance of his work, she hoped that he had been able to negotiate a day off with his boss. It was no coincidence that he had ended up working for one of the matriarchs of a local coven. Pacifica shivered at that thought. While she was familiar with the strangeness that surrounded the Pines family, and Gravity Falls as a whole, she was made uncomfortable by those who were so clearly in the weirdness camp rather than the human one. Well, most of them, anyway. Mabel and Dipper both seemed clearly on the weird side of things, but managed to never make her as uncomfortable as say, Gideon did. Granted, that might just be Gideon.

She parked in the gravel right in front of the porch, forgoing any of the 'official' parking spaces, leftover from when the shack was a tourist trap, and hopped up the steps. She knocked, but promptly let herself in. The Pines never seemed to lock their door, but Pacifica figured anything that actually meant them harm wouldn't make it down the driveway.

'Hello! Anybody home?'

'Pax!' Mabel came bounding down the stairs, smiling gleefully. She grabbed Pacifica by the wrists and danced in the doorway for a moment. 'I'm so glad to see you!' She beamed. Soon, they were joined by an equally excited mutt of some sort, who pranced around them just as excitedly as Mabel.

'I see you have a dog now. What a surprise.'

'Heeelllloooooo!' The dog howled.

'Is this a talking dog? Mabel, did this dog just say hello?'

'Whaaaat? Of course not.' Mabel smiled. 'That would be RIDICULOUS.'

'It's totally a talking dog. You're a talking dog, aren't you?' Pacifica directed her last question at the dog, who stopped prancing to look soulfully up at Pacifica.

'Whaaaat?' Kibbeth whined.

'What a surprise.' Pacifica deadpanned. 'Where's Dipper? I heard all about his escapades up at the mine site, we should debrief.'

'Wow, you are all business today, what's got your panties in a twist? You want a beer?'

'Yeah, a beer would be great, actually, and I'm not… I'm mad or anything, he actually did a commendable job, but he was… y'know, himself, and that leads to… confusion.'

'Oh, you are just ALL SORTS of confused over Dipper, aren't you sweetie?' Mabel fluttered her eyelashes, and Pacifica blushed, but maintained her composure. 'DIPPER! YOU AWAKE YET?'

'WHAT?!' Came a yell from down the hall.

'PUT SOME PANTS ON AND COME OUT HERE! WE HAVE GUESTS!'

A few minutes passed in relative peace, Mabel hummed to herself as she pottered about the kitchen, Kibbeth sniffed at Pacifica, chased her tail, then lay down in the corner. Presently, Dipper appeared in the doorway, yawning and scratching at the stubble on his chin, but wearing pants- if pants that looked as though they'd been slept in.

'Oh hey Pacifi- Pax. YAWN. What can I do for you?'

'Hey Dipper.' She smiled brightly for the first time since arriving, causing Mabel to raise an eyebrow and smirk. 'I was just stopping by to check in on you. Heard you put in some late hours last night.'

'Just stopping by.' Mabel mouthed silently, rolling her eyes. Pacifica kicked her in the ankle in the middle of another of Dipper's yawns.

'Yeah. Those dwarves drive a hard bargain, but Ed seemed like he got out with as close to a fair deal as you can get with them, and we got the coven to agree to help with moving the nymphs and whatnot.'

'I also heard that you told Ed you didn't need payment for your work.'

'Well, I was really just doing it for you.' Dipper said, confused.

'Oh Dipper.' Pacifica smiled softly, putting her hand on his cheek, causing him to blush, despite his exhaustion. 'You can't just do work like that for free or people will take advantage of you. My dad already thinks you're pretty bad at negotiating this kind of thing, but I managed to talk him in to thinking that you were planning to collect on the favor later AND get you a pretty sweet deal with Ed. His company deals in all sorts of metals, and I secured you a massive discount on whatever you need, as well as a shipment of titanium ingots for your craft projects.'

'Pacifica, I… I don't know what to say. Thank you.'

'You're welcome. You could start by calling me Pax.'

'I ALSO have news.' Mabel crowed. 'I met a hot guy at your party, and we're having drinks on Friday!' She sang the last part, dancing around Pacifica.

'Oh? Glad I could be a part of you finding your latest beaux, what's his name?'

'Jack.'

'Huh, is it a nick name? There wasn't anyone named Jack at the party, or at least, no one you'd think was hot.'

'You probably don't know him, he said he was somebody's brother or something. Defintely hot, too- I even got a little drooly.'

'That's cause you were drunk, Mabel.' Dipper chimed in.

'Mabel, I wrote the guest list myself. I guarantee you there wasn't a hot guy named Jack.'

'Maybe he was a party crasher?' Mabel suggested hopefully.

'Mabel. Have you known ANYONE who's ever succesfully crashed a Northwest Party?'

'Well...'

'I feel kinda weird about this.' Dipper said darkly. 'Maybe you should rain check?'

'No!' Mabel stomped her foot, pouting. 'I found a hot guy, who's interested in me. I'm going on this date, so stop being paranoid, DIPPER.' She said, pointing. 'I might even let him touch my butt.' She waggled her eyebrows at this, smiling mischeviously.

'Alright, whatever.' Pacifica said, rolling her eyes. 'Look, Dipper, just... we'll have to talk about negotiation in the future. Maybe...' She smiled, almost as mischeviously as Mabel, dragging her finger slowly down his jaw to the end of his chin. 'I'll give you some lessons.' Then she winked, turned on her heel and walked to the door. 'Ta-ta, Mabel darling, have fun on your date!' She waved as she walked out.

Mabel smirked. 'Close your mouth, Dipper, you'll catch flies.'

* * *

'Tch.'

Pacifica rubbed the fabric of the dress between her fingers as she thought. It was way too skimpy for a second date, especially for one with Cristian. Black, strapless, and gave Cristian a much better view than he deserved. What was mother thinking? This would never do. She tossed it over a chair and turned towards her closet, stroking her chin thoughtfully. Something a little more... professional would do- put him off the idea that it was a date without actually saying so. Maybe... she pulled out a silk blouse and a charcoal pencil skirt. Turning to her vanity, she picked out some pearl earrings, and a thin gold chain with a pearl pendant. Looking down at the outfit, she frowned.

'I wish mother would stop arranging these god-awful dates.' She muttered. Looking over at a picture of the Pines twins tucked in to her mirror, she smiled. 'I suppose she'd stop if I was seeing someone.' That day would come, but both her parents and the twins needed a little work, first.

* * *

'Pacifica!'

Cristian was still too loud. Too imposing. It was as if he filled the room with smarm and hot air.

'Cristian.' Pacifica responded cooly. They were meeting at a chic little restaurant that served tapas and cocktails, and had a nice view of the lake, and on any other occasion Pacifica would be thrilled at how clear the night sky was, and the way the moon illuminated the cliffs behind it, but tonight she was with Cristian.

'I have brought you a small gift, Pacifica, to celebrate the time I am spending with you.' His smile was so irritating, more so considering he couldn't keep his eyes off her body, even with the more conservative outfit. 'I think you will enjoy it, if you should ever come visit me in Sweden, yes?'

The box was large, but flat. A garment of some sort, likely for cold weather. Pacifica did her best to smile appreciatively, and opened it. A fur coat, with matching muff and hat. For a moment, it was as if her heart stopped- the distinctive patterns of gold, black, and white; thick fur for heavy snow. Leopard. A lot more than one might expect on an average sized cat, too.

Focus! She had to focus. Cristian was still talking.

'- we think that this method will allow us to corner the market on natural materials for clothing without violating any international laws. Do you like it? I could only think of you when I had it made.'

'Yes... yes of course.' Pacifica said, still trying to gain composure. 'It's lovely. How can I thank you for such a fine gift?' She cooed, bile rising in her throat.

'I can think of many ways. But for now, just try it on- let me see that it fits you.'

Dutifully, Pacifica obliged, trying her best to act as though she enjoyed the fur, but its rich softness only made her sick. She needed to tell Dipper.

'I am so glad you like it!' Cristian beamed. 'Tomorrow, I am going to collect some more, and I will have a little stole made for you.'

* * *

Pacifica was still dazed from her meeting with Cristian. Unsure what either of them had said throughout the meal, she had made excuses of stomach problems to leave early, waiting until she was safely in the car before hurriedly calling Dipper.

'Dipper!' She cried as he answered the phone, tears coming to her eyes.

'What! What's going on? Pacifica, are you okay?'

'Dipper, it's Cristian! He's...'

'He's what? What'd he do?'

'Dipper, he's your hunter. And he's going out again tomorrow.'


End file.
